Supergirl #13

What's this? I thought they were going to be friends! I'm so naive.

Last issue, Supergirl arrived at her underwater Fortress of Solitude to find Simon Tycho waiting for her. Simon Tycho sounds like a butler's name, so I'm pretty sure he's going to end up being Kara's Alfred Pennyworth. Perhaps this cover is simply the way she greets her staff.

What did I tell you? Do I know my Supergirl or what?

Simon Tycho's jelly man body allows him to fend off the brunt of Supergirl's over-enthusiastic greeting. A circle of Kryptonian dildos surround Tycho as he tries to convince Supergirl that he's actually there to help her.

The moment you realize you've been using your father's voice recordings to pleasure yourself.

Supergirl has already heard the first recording Tycho plays for her. It's the moment her father was shot. But this one plays past his surprise, allowing Supergirl to hear the voice of her mother and realize it was mom that shot dad. The events related in her Zero Issue all rush back to her and she breaks down into super tears. And since she hasn't eaten or drank anything for nearly year, she's probably going to dehydrate.

Tycho demonstrates to Supergirl how he can absorb the data from the Kryptonian Sun Shards.

That's kind of how Supergirl was using them but she didn't absorb any data.

Tycho may be able to gather information from the crystals but he can't access the Fortress's programming. He suggests Supergirl can talk to it which she does. And it works. The building introduces itself as Sanctuary, a gift from her father. That's when Tycho goes apeshit and disappoints me once again. I thought he was going to be Supergirl's friend! But he doesn't care about her at all! He just wants to run her magic underwater palace.

I guess that's why he wears the loin cloth. He can grow appendages at will.

But just like every other villain in the universe, Tycho talks too much and it becomes his downfall. He plants the seed to his defeat in Kara's head when he tells her Sanctuary grew from a crystal and is strong enough to withstand the weight of the ocean. So Kara commands Sanctuary to neutralize the non-Kryptonian entity. The crystal grows around him and encases him. Since he, like Supergirl, doesn't need to eat and sleep, he's now in stasis until he agrees to become Supergirl's butler. But now she can't walk around her apartment naked without this creepy guy watching her through the crystal. That's disappointing.

And once the conflict is resolved, it's time for Kara to relax!

Wait! But! Your father's voice!

Don't! Eeeep!

I guess after 13 issues of punching people in the face, Supergirl deserves some me time.

After Supergirl finishes relaxing, she discovers she can use Sanctuary to access the internet. That's some damn fine wi-fi down at the bottom of the Atlantic. With it, she contacts Siobhan. Hopefully it'll be for some English lessons. Or maybe Spanish. Perhaps Japanese. Any language that will allow her to speak to more than two other people on the planet. While speaking with Siobhan, Sanctuary interrupts to tell her Superman is fighting an unidentified Kryptonian and that she'd better get her cute little bum in gear and help him fight it in the H'El on Earth crossover event.

Supergirl #13 Rating: +2 Ranking. Now that this fucking comic has finally decided to tell some story along with Supergirl punching people in the face, it's really found its way. I actually like it a lot as a whole but it would have been much better compressed to six or seven issues instead of thirteen.