Stormwatch #13

Finally! Etrigan in modern times! Perhaps he's Vandal Savage's cellmate.

The cover makes it look like Midnighter is trying to stab Apollo in the face while Etrigan holds him still for him. I hope that's what is actually happening since judging by these angles, Midnighter is definitely not trying to stab Etrigan.

In the present, Etrigan is buried beneath a building known as Malory House. The apartment building has a reputation for being unlucky. Apparently "unlucky" is the polite British way of saying "horribly fucking evil." The occupants of this house seem to be killers and insane people. Or normal people living here simply go insane or disappear mysteriously or practice weird, cannibalistic habits. Maybe I shouldn't have said "weird" since that implies judgment and I wouldn't want to judge any cannibals unfairly. The apartment building was built upon the grounds of a past Victorian madhouse and, before that, the "hunting grounds of a Georgian-era killer called Bloody Ben." This would suggest that Etrigan was buried in this location no later than some time in the 18th Century. No wonder there has been no sign of Etrigan lately.

Whoops. Strike that last burial estimate. If he's beneath the "plague bones," he had to have been buried before the mid-14th Century. I think. Someone check the math!

If Etrigan has been buried for close to 700 years, that means that Jason Blood has spent the last 700 years in Hell. Fun! Unless, of course, he figured out a way to separate himself from Etrigan before that. Maybe Jason Blood buried this asshole and went on with his mortal life, passing on with all the other mortals hundreds of years ago. I'm tempted to dig out I, Vampire to see if they mention any dates as to when Cain encountered Etrigan and became cursed by the Demon Knights, but I don't think any of those stories were given specific time stamps.

A young boy in the building has been drawing demons on walls to try to get his mind off of the "naughty words" he mustn't say. He runs out of crayons so I suspect it'll just be a few more pages before he chants the Form of Man speech, possibly infecting himself with Etrigan. Perhaps Blood did find a way to break the curse. But it must have left the curse so that someone else saying the words would end up stuck with Etrigan. And now Etrigan is using his influence on this boy's sensitive mind to make this happen. Perhaps all these years, Etrigan's power and influence drew crazy and unstable people to live above him yet he wasn't able to manipulate those kinds of minds. But he's finally got a victim now that an apartment building has been built above him.

Nearby, Midnighter and Apollo are trying to take a relaxing night off at a London bar. But Midnighter can't relax since he's sensing the insanity and craziness infecting the people around him.

Okay, so Apollo thought they were taking a night off. Midnighter never takes a night off.

Meanwhile on the Eye of the Storm, Jenny is fiddling with the gigantic horn from Superman #1. And she's also interrogating Jack Hawksmoor to figure out why he joined Stormwatch. But she doesn't get very far before The Engineer shows up to chastise everyone because she's a strong woman that will make history. No, no. She's just being a total bitch. Jenny thinks it's because she swallowed the Neanderthal's Devolver. Hawksmoor believes she's just pining over Harry Tanner.

And speaking of Harry Tanner, he's off to fool the Shadow Lords into believing he's the Fourth Man.

Ah! Young love!

Far from the Arctic Antarctica or wherever Harry Tanner is now, Apollo and Midnighter are subduing all of the crazies surrounding Malory House. Midnighter just beats the shit out of anyone acting crazy without worrying about whether or not they're being influenced by something else. He just concentrates on getting the job done. That's why he's in Stormwatch instead of that pansy-assed Justice League with Batman always overly concerned with not killing anyone. Batman's plan would have been to spray Bat-lube all over the ground and encase everyone in a Bat-net so that nobody would be hurt too badly. Midnighter's plan is to knock out as many teeth as possible.

Eventually, their "investigation" leads them to the apartment of the sensitive guy coloring pictures and summoning demons. And he's all out of bubble gum.

Yes? Yes? Release the demon...?

Once this sensitive mind chants the words, Madame Xanadu perks up and pisses herself. The Specter (newly created over in Phantom Stranger #0) senses a disturbance in the force. And John Constantine cums in his pants.

And then Etrigan awakens. A sinkhole collapses a large section of Malory House. And in the dust, Midnighter sees (and smells) a confused, winged figure. He jumps at the chance to take it out and is laid out flat in one lazy backhand from Etrigan. I like Midnighter and Apollo but my loyalties are with Etrigan! Go for it, you crazy yellow bitch!

Oh come on! He was going to rhyme "incarceration" with "masturbation," obviously.

Stormwatch #13 Rating: +2 Ranking. I'm feeling particularly generous simply because those damned Zero Issues are over. Also, this comic book was terrific. Paul Cornell and Peter Milligan have done a great job building the history of Demon Knights and Stormwatch. And it's issues like this that show what kind of payoff you can have when you build a solid title around believable characters and a great concept.