Stormwatch #4

The giant alien continues to absorb everything around it. Except Midnighter because he's Batman Lite. And also it doesn't absorb Apollo who just crashed into the field nearby. What a stroke of luck that he fell from orbit to land at the site of the battle!

I have a question! Does this alien absorb everything around it because it absorbed a goat when it first arrived? Okay, that's putting the goat before the horse. Perhaps the creature absorbs other creatures and their powers and since it ate a goat on the farm, now it can't help but eat everything with which it comes into contact. That's my guess because Midnighter distracts it by making it eat a barn and why would the moon creature need to absorb a barn if it didn't have to? I think it's compelled to eat the barn because it absorbed that goat! That goat died a hero!

Also, the creature has ingested Stormwatch but it needs to keep them alive to use their powers. Which means the goat is probably still alive too! I hope that bitch replicant Rachel doesn't get her hands on it!

This is a drawing of the scene I found online. It was done by Mark G. Taber. Inkjet prints of this image in a variety of sizes are available direct from Artslant.

Fuck you! I can reference Do Andoids Dream of Electric Sheep any time I Goddamn please!I think I already mentioned the empathy boxes in a past post. Maybe Superboy? Hell, I can't remember what I write immediately after I write it! I'm surprised that anyone can follow along with my rambling bullshit!

If I'd known this cover of the book existed, I would have held out to buy this one!

Why all the goat talk? I love goats, cats, and raccoons. That probably tells you most of what you need to know about me right there!

Actually, you don't need to know anything about me! Let's get back to Stormwatch!

Speaking of Stormwatch, I just purchased Issue #7 today. Yikes! I won't be reading that one for at least another month! How'd these comics get so far ahead of me?

Have they ever tested this on Mythbusters? If you want to disorient or knock someone out, you hit them with a closed fist. If you want to wake them up or clear their head, you hit them with an open fist! Which would also just be called slapping them since an open fist is technically, you know, just a hand.

Apollo moans, "I got here." So I guess he didn't randomly crash to Earth after being knocked unconscious by obliterating a giant moon missile with his face. It was a controlled unconscious reentry. Apollo also mentions that he's out of power. But guess what?! Midnighter has a plan!

Of course he does!

I forget what The Midnighter's powers are. He can kill almost everything. He knows how to do everything. He's always got a plan. He can rock Apollo's world. I think he's basically just gay Batman. Which probably means he's the only person in the DCnU who can defeat Batman! Because it probably wouldn't be right to have Midnighter lose a fight when the only difference is that Midnighter is gay. Because then you would have to make the argument that DC thinks being gay is a weakness! I think I just found the Batman can kick anyone's ass loophole! Go Midnighter!

So Midnighter shows the Projectionist how to run a computer because she's only really good at browsing the internet. She can probably show you the funniest Youtube videos but she's not going to save your ass when you need her to work the controls of Stormwatch Headquarters.

Midnighter has Stormwatch Headquarters fire a solar blast into Apollo. Of course it had to shoot it from its hiding place in Hyperspace. And where the hell did it get its reserve of solar energy if its been hanging around in Hyperspace? Because I'm pretty sure light doesn't travel through Hyperspace! Just through normal space! Unless all light is constantly traveling through all points in Hyperspace at all times. That's probably the scientific explanation.

Another giant creature goes down by being exploded by a teeny, tiny person.

At least this time, the creature didn't ingest the person that causes it to explode. Although Paul Cornell is writing two different titles in the 52 and they've both used the giant thing being exploded into tiny bits by the tiny person fighting it plot device. So he might want to think up more intricate ways of defeating giant foes. I suppose he thought having Midnighter figure out how to power up Apollo was the big challenge. Anyway, I think this whole thing proves Stormwatch's point that they need a gigantic powerhouse like Apollo. They've got all of the other fancy powers that let them manipulate the world. Now they just need someone who hits hard.

Oh, I guess it's time for a journalistic correction! Apollo didn't defeat the alien. He just popped open its digesting sac to free Stormwatch. And I also got the name of the city wrong since I was just randomly guessing. It turns out the name of the mad, lost city is Alba Umbra. Jack talks with it and discovers within its ruins is a Deus Ex Machina which ends the storyline in just two more pages.

Stormwatch turns the creature into glass (why didn't they just call Firestorm out to do that? Maybe because he still can't transform organic material? Or can he? I bet one of the five thousand Firestorms on Earth could!) and raises this city out of the ground. Or the city raises itself out of the ground and Jenny Quantum turns the alien into glass using the city's Alchemy Table.

I guess Alchemy makes a huge comeback and becomes a power of the 21st Century.

Then to distract all the readers from the story ending so quickly and abruptly, Stormwatch is emergency teleported back to Headquarters (including Apollo but not Midnighter. Unless Midnighter is unassembled and then reassembled off panel). Turns out they've been brought back to Headquarters by the Shadow Council who have decided that Adam has failed as their leader and is doomed to die.

That seems like it's not going to happen since Adam One has been around since the Big Bang and is living backwards and is probably immortal. My guess is it's a trick. And probably started by Merlin.