Convergence: Justice Society of America #2

Judging by the first half of the picture I drew on my old laptop (the right side!), you'd never guess that I'm finding it really difficult to draw with my new laptop's touchpad.

This morning I had a dream that I wrote a pilot for a Vixen television show for the CW. The cold open had Vixen tailing some presumable evildoer for unknown reasons. She realizes she needs to get closer and thus she needs to move more silently, so she takes on the power of a cat. But this version of Vixen borrows the powers of not just any cat but of the cat nearest her location, so she, unknowingly, grabs up the powers of an alley cat in heat. Also, this Vixen, for added television humorous entanglements, cannot just readily switch from power to power either. So she's following this guy silently but getting more and more horny as she goes. Eventually, she's so distracted, she rounds a corner, runs into the guy, and just starts kissing him. Cut to another scene where they're fucking. The camera pans around until it rests on Vixen's beautiful, dark-skinned face with a look of annoyed frustration instead of passion.

That was it. The scene could probably use a major rewrite but my dream brain doesn't have an editor. Although my brain editor would probably just channel Judd Winick and point out that she should say, "Not again!" Ha ha! Again! Always funny! Right, Judd?

Last issue, the old guys in the Justice Society of America became the young guys in the Justice Society of America. The women of Justice Society of America were probably in the kitchen. That wasn't my sexist statement! That's their sexism showing because they're old! They have old values! Also, how many women were even in this group? According to the one shot of the full team in last issue, I think there was one: Wonder Woman. Maybe the guys in the group thought she was "Oneder Woman" and figured she'd be outraged if they accepted a second woman onto the team.

Also, they were attacked by a robot of Qward because that's super not interesting at all. That makes it a lot more like a Golden Age Comic Book!

The issue is narrated by Doctor Fate. He keeps reminding the reader that the Justice Society are old men that aren't used to fighting in youthful bodies full of testosterone and vim and vigor and feelings of lust and boners and thoughts of just enough butt play to make the orgasm really intense. Those thoughts and feelings can really be distracting in battle especially after spending the last year just hoping when you go to the bathroom to urinate, you're able to actually get the flow going. I'm surprised that their battle repartee isn't all based around old episodes of Perry Mason and Murder She Wrote.

These guys are depressing the shit out of me. Being old must suck!

Of course this is only Dan Abnett's version of old people and he's only about fifty years old. So this is probably just him projecting his fears onto the Justice Society. I bet being old is equal parts liberating and terrifying! I bet super old people in their nineties or older think about death 95% of their waking lives. Kent Nelson's coma was probably a relief compared to what the other guys were going through.

I think Jay Garrick mentioned that last issue! I should think up my own thoughts!

The Justice Society revel in the feeling of being a hero. For once in their lives, they are not taking the power and the responsibility for granted. Unlike those young punks who don't know how good they've got it!

I heard "Jack and Diane" on the radio last week and it made me angry! That fucking lyric about holding on to fifteen as long as you can is bullshit! I get as an older person the fervent nostalgia for being in that youthful place but what kind of ridiculous advice is it to hang on to something over which you have no control! I guess Mellencamp just means it philosophically! Don't yearn for grown up things when you're that young because you'll be dealing with them soon enough and you'll wish you were young and irresponsible and glorious all over again. But even that makes me angry! Stupid time! Fuck you!

I hate this comic book! I'm throwing it away now! Here are some pictures from the rest of it. Try to figure out the story yourself! I'm too busy crying to type!

I don't know if they're planning battle strategy or they've called in a hooker.

They continue to battle the Qwardian Deathbot or fuck the hooker. I'm still not sure which they're doing because the only thing currently swimming before my eyes is the deep, dark blackness of non-existence.

Still not sure if it's a hooker or a Deathbot.

And then it's over.

I really hope they're talking about a Deathbot.

After the battle, the Justice Society return to old men. Their time is over and they go back to reminiscing about the good old days and pointing out how Infinity Inc. isn't doing super-heroing the way it's supposed to be done. Because back in their day...!

Convergence: Justice Society of America #2 Rating: Nine Colonoscopies out of Ten. This was, pure and simple, a love letter to the Justice Society, and to super heroes, and to savoring life. It was sweet. I hate sweet! I much prefer sour!

Divergence: Superman Loves Wonder Woman
"The epic new storyline 'TRUTH' continues! As the pressure mounts, a relationship is tested!"

I bet this comic book will now be twenty pages of Wonder Woman saying things like, "Why do you care so much about what Lois did?" And Superman saying, "It was my choice! She took it away! I hate her!" And Wonder Woman going, "I think you love her!" And Superman going, "If I love her so much, why don't I marry her?!" And Wonder Woman rejoindering, "Why don't you then?!" And Superman matter of facting, "I will!" And Wonder Woman screaming, "So do it!" And Superman replying, "I will! I'm going! Right now!" Then the title will be changed to Superman Is An Idiot.

Superman is still having trouble with every DNA scanning security device not recognizing him as Superman. He's also bleeding to death. So he's stealing a shuttle to fly out to the sun for a little spa retreat. Wonder Woman follows him because she's following her heart more than her brain.

Good one, Diana. Just follow him to your death. No big deal!

Was I supposed to read all of these "TRUTH" Sneak Peeks in a particular order? Because I'm completely confused by them. I should probably look them up and read them online so I understand what's going on before I begin reading June's comic books.

Hey! How can he be pushing a jump-light prototype shuttle too hard? It's supposed to jump to light speed! How do you push that too hard?!

The Sneak Peek ends with Superman telling Wonder Woman that he doesn't love her anymore. Classic ploy to push somebody away because you don't think they can deal with the shit you're dealing with! I hope Clark pushes Diana into Lex's arms!

I don't know what's going on with Tomasi on this book. I loved his Batman and Robin but he's been kind of crap on this title. Hopefully he'll turn it around and make this whole Superman losing his powers and his identity shit interesting.