Superman #40

Why does my copy of this comic book have cum stains all over the cover?

This issue of Superman was written by John Romita Jr. Since he's mostly known as the son of artist John Romita and sometimes known as an artist in his own right, I thought I'd search around to see what else he's written. Not much, really. So I'm just going to assume that he's the best writer at DC Comics and be super extra nice to him. I don't want him to feel bad since he probably already has low self-esteem due to the way he draws noses.

While looking for John Romita Jr.'s writing credits, I discovered that his father did some of the art for the Scott Adams Adventure Game of The Incredible Hulk.

Falling in love didn't help. Bruce would have to get angry some other way!

Hulk remember trademark! Hulk not get sued!

Judging by the picture, I think I could also have farted to break free from the chair.

See?

Enough of The Incredible Hulk Adventure Game! As the Hulk said, "TM!" This is supposed to be a DC Comics commentary so let's get to that because I don't want to get sued by Marvel or shouted off of the internet.

This issue is called "Powerless" because once Geoff Johns decided Superman had a power which would make him human for 24 hours, everybody wanted to write a Superman Without Powers story. I even wrote one!

Powerlesslessless!
By Grunion Guy

Superman was about to learn he had a new power! Everybody reading this story was super excited to find out what it was! Would it be Super Ejaculate?! Super Taste?! Super Magic Defensive Capability?! Super Poop?! No! It would be something even better! He would find out in just a few lines that he could explode by using all of the solar power stored in his cells! But then he would be left human! But since he didn't know that yet, he decided to use his new power! He took a deep breath and bit his tongue! BOOM! Superman blew up! But he lost his power as the power left his body! And he was incinerated by his own power! The end!

John Romita Jr.'s story is more optimistic. In his version, Superman gets to keep his invulnerability. Unless he can survive the explosion by being at the center of the blast which radiates outwards from his body. That's a thing, right? I think movies and television have told me that was a thing! His clothes don't survive though which is weird because remember how his cape was invulnerable to everything? Why isn't his normal suit made from the same material?

Apparently Superman has been flying around the Earth blowing himself up for fun. Who cares about the environmental damage he's doing to the areas where he blows up? Well, I'm sure somebody cares but I can't answer the question. I know Superman and Batman don't. Batman just cares about getting Kryptonian Dingleberries all over his bat plane.

You're a billionaire, Bruce, and Clark is a reporter for a failing newspaper. Stop begging for gas money.

Clark has discovered that he likes being human which is why he keeps blowing himself up over and over. I guess Jimmy Olsen did take him to a glory hole last issue. I actually hope Clark has developed a meth addiction and he's losing his powers to go and get fucked up with Jimmy.

The Justice League decides to test out Superman's powers after they return from one of his timeouts. Just to, you know, see if they return to full force. That probably means Aquaman will sit back and take notes. The team also decides they want to observe one of his FWASHes so they let him blow himself up on the Justice League Satellite. Since Batman is in charge, I'm not worried that something catastrophic will go wrong. It's not like they'd let Wally West do the math on the safety calculations.

Oh wait. The Flash is Barry Allen in The New 52. I just disappointed myself by making that mistake.

After the experiment where everybody gets a nice, long look at Superman's dong, the Justice League head down to Earth for some dinner and a beer. Clark is going to get so fucked up! I hope he doesn't get too drunk and tell Diana how many glory holes he's stuck his dick inside over the last few weeks.

Oops. I guess the entire Justice League doesn't go for drinks. I forgot they wouldn't invite Cyborg because he was black. I mean, underage.

I wonder what blues ringtone Clark uses for Cyborg? Blueshammer? Also should Clark be carrying around a cell phone with his Justice League contacts on it? I guess his secret identity as a reporter is good cover for that situation.

After drinking too much beer (half a pint) and eating too many fries (is that a thing?), Superman wakes up the next morning to a radio report of men with guns going on a shooting rampage in Metropolis. He suits up and heads off to stop any problems by jumping the whole way there. Just like in the olden days! I guess his flight power takes longer to return than his other powers.

Superman defeats the bad guys but gets pretty beaten up during the fight. Witnesses get cell phone images of Superman bleeding from a head wound. Later, Lois Lane sees Clark walking along with a big bandage on his head. Is it time for Lois Lane to finally figure out that Clark Kent is Superman?!

I mean, "finally find out on her own and not know he's Superman because she became the bride of Brainiac and was infected with a Level Thirteen Intelligence and psychic abilities that rivaled Queen Bee and Hector Hammond!" I don't care if she discovers Clark is Superman but she really needs to figure it out using her journalistic super powers instead of stupid psychic super powers.

Superman #40 Rating: No change. A relatively boring issue with some nice downtime character interactions (although Batman maybe was a bit too jokey and Barry was a bit too Wally and Aquaman was...well, actually, he only had two lines so he was perfect). My prediction is that now that Superman has a way to lose his powers, he's going to be powerless in nearly half of all his appearances until writers get bored exploring the possibilities of Superman without his power. I'm going to be sorely disappointed if we never get a Superman fucking Wonder Woman scene where his mind is completely blown by the real feeling of his dick inside of a vagina. He thought sex was awesome with an invulnerable penis! Just wait until Wonder Woman starts squeezing her vaginal muscles around his powerless pee-pee! Actually, that might go south real quick. Hopefully he doesn't regain his invulnerability before the doctors can sew his prick back on.