Is it just me or does Batman look hot?
See Batman's legs? That's a favorite move of Dan Jurgens. It's his foreshortening when drawing a hero flying straight at the viewer. He loves to make one leg all fat thigh as if it's missing the lower half of the extremity. And then the other leg trails off into a weird anemic baby leg. I haven't been pointing it out because I figured we all know that's Dan Jurgens' biggest shortcut. If I pointed out how often Maxima looked like she'd been in a coma for seven months and her legs had become useless husks of atrophied muscle since Jurgens took over, it's all I would have been writing about. It's definitely most of what I'd been thinking about. Maybe that's why I think Batman looks so hot here. Because he has Maxima's useless legs and I'm remembering how naked Maxima's legs are all the time.
In other cover news, Superman's neck looks majorly fucked up. He's got choad throat.
Who do you think the question-marked face represents? Probably Batman, right? Or is it the person who has been sneaking around headquarters that I haven't mentioned because who gives a fuck? I wasn't curious enough to even mention it until now! Maybe it's Peter Cannon, Thunderbolt! He was poking around Justice League Europe's headquarters last issue. I didn't mention that either because boring! Nobody ever purchased a Peter Cannon, Thunderbolt, comic book. Ever. DC probably sold more copies of Nathaniel Dusk!
The issue begins with Guy Gardner and Superman battling each other. Guy Gardner (as you can see by the cover) has his Guy Gardner Warrior costume on and his yellow lantern ring so I guess his big prestige comic book mini-series came out the summer of 1992. It would be interesting to read all of my comic books in the order they were published but unlike thousands of other comic book nerds, I never kept any records on which comic books I purchased and when. It's possible I attempted it at some point but those records would have been on 5 1/4" floppy disks so what good would they be to me at this point? My memory, which sucks, would be more reliable.
But that fight doesn't start until later! Like most comic books, this one begins in fake media res. It's all, "Let's start in the middle of the action!" Then by page three, it's all, "No, you know what? Let's go back and recount all the boring shit that led up to this exciting moment that you'd probably rather be reading!" By page four, I've decided I hate myself for putting up with this shit over and over again.
The mystery person recounts their day spying on the League. I was hoping Jurgens would reveal who the interloper was before I got too far into the story but it doesn't look like there's any hope in that. They'll probably only reveal themselves on the last page when they break up the fight between Guy and Superman. Until then, I have to read pages and pages of the League doing absolutely nothing interesting.
In other cover news, Superman's neck looks majorly fucked up. He's got choad throat.
Who do you think the question-marked face represents? Probably Batman, right? Or is it the person who has been sneaking around headquarters that I haven't mentioned because who gives a fuck? I wasn't curious enough to even mention it until now! Maybe it's Peter Cannon, Thunderbolt! He was poking around Justice League Europe's headquarters last issue. I didn't mention that either because boring! Nobody ever purchased a Peter Cannon, Thunderbolt, comic book. Ever. DC probably sold more copies of Nathaniel Dusk!
The issue begins with Guy Gardner and Superman battling each other. Guy Gardner (as you can see by the cover) has his Guy Gardner Warrior costume on and his yellow lantern ring so I guess his big prestige comic book mini-series came out the summer of 1992. It would be interesting to read all of my comic books in the order they were published but unlike thousands of other comic book nerds, I never kept any records on which comic books I purchased and when. It's possible I attempted it at some point but those records would have been on 5 1/4" floppy disks so what good would they be to me at this point? My memory, which sucks, would be more reliable.
But that fight doesn't start until later! Like most comic books, this one begins in fake media res. It's all, "Let's start in the middle of the action!" Then by page three, it's all, "No, you know what? Let's go back and recount all the boring shit that led up to this exciting moment that you'd probably rather be reading!" By page four, I've decided I hate myself for putting up with this shit over and over again.
The mystery person recounts their day spying on the League. I was hoping Jurgens would reveal who the interloper was before I got too far into the story but it doesn't look like there's any hope in that. They'll probably only reveal themselves on the last page when they break up the fight between Guy and Superman. Until then, I have to read pages and pages of the League doing absolutely nothing interesting.
Superman gives Maxima a lift to court so she can deal with a murder charge and some parking tickets.
Batman shows up in court to ask Superman if he's surprised to see him.
Are all of their interactions this tense and full of passive aggression?
Does Batman show up in Metropolis unexpectedly often? Does he manipulate his heartbeat and sneak about in the shadows trying to fool all of Superman's super powers? I would expect Superman would just smell Batman as soon as he entered the city limits.
What do you think Batman smells like? I bet he smells like lavender, cave fungus and ball sweat.
Batman is all, "To keep Guy Gardner under control, you have to punch him in the face." And Superman is all, "I am not a violent person. I will find another way." But as we've seen, even Superman can't resist punching Guy Gardner in the face.
The person spying on the League keeps referring to the old days in the League, so it must be an old member like Green Arrow or Hawkman. If that's the case, I understand why Dan Jurgens refuses to reveal their identity. Readers might lose interest immediately upon finding out it's one of those old farts.
The spy watches Blue Beetle "invent" a tracking device to put on Bloodwynd's Justice League Signal Device and then follows up with a little more spying on Fire planning some new costume changes. The spy then decides to set off the motion sensors to test the team's readiness. But that coincides with Guy Gardner showing up. Which, for some reason, means everybody needs to attack him. I don't get it. Guy shows up, sets off the intruder alarms, is recognized by everybody as Guy Gardner, and they immediately attack him. Why?
What do you think Batman smells like? I bet he smells like lavender, cave fungus and ball sweat.
Batman is all, "To keep Guy Gardner under control, you have to punch him in the face." And Superman is all, "I am not a violent person. I will find another way." But as we've seen, even Superman can't resist punching Guy Gardner in the face.
The person spying on the League keeps referring to the old days in the League, so it must be an old member like Green Arrow or Hawkman. If that's the case, I understand why Dan Jurgens refuses to reveal their identity. Readers might lose interest immediately upon finding out it's one of those old farts.
The spy watches Blue Beetle "invent" a tracking device to put on Bloodwynd's Justice League Signal Device and then follows up with a little more spying on Fire planning some new costume changes. The spy then decides to set off the motion sensors to test the team's readiness. But that coincides with Guy Gardner showing up. Which, for some reason, means everybody needs to attack him. I don't get it. Guy shows up, sets off the intruder alarms, is recognized by everybody as Guy Gardner, and they immediately attack him. Why?
Did Guy become a villain at some point in the last month or two?!
Fire attacks Guy because Guy proclaims he's there to take Ice away. So she's defending her girl's virtue. And then Booster attacks Guy because he thinks Fire needs defending from Guy. But mostly Guy, who showed up to talk with the woman he's been dating, has simply been forced to defend himself for no reason! And next thing you know, Superman's going to take a shot at him too!
Guy being the most rational person in this comic book.
When you think you're the most righteous person in the room, like Booster Gold here, it can often cause you to become an intolerable asshole. As soon as you believe somebody else has fallen, you can often convince yourself that they deserve to be treated like shit and attacked. You lose your clearheaded sense of heroism and kindness when you see yourself as some kind of unflawed moral warrior. Then somebody with a certain reputation shows up and you feel justified in beating the shit out of them. And you feel really good about it too! And you'd be hard-pressed to understand how you've suddenly become the asshole. But you have. All my morally indignant tumblr peeps know what I mean, right?!
Of course Guy fights back. Which is when Superman arrives to simply assume Guy Gardner started this mess. He throws Guy in the river and now Guy's pretty much accepted that he's in a major battle with the Justice League. A battle that they started! So he can finish it and not feel too bad!
Meanwhile, Batman, having arrived with Superman, seems less concerned with Guy Gardner than with the intruder alarm. He investigates and determines the League does have a teeny, tiny intruder: the Atom! Bloodwynd spots him hanging off of Batman's cape because Bloodwynd has super Martian eyesight! I mean he used the Sight of the Dead! I mean he used telepathy. With the dead!
Superman refuses to fight Guy and Batman is all, "You're a better man than I ever was, Superman!" And The Atom manages to talk Guy into calming down. Batman convinces Superman to ask Guy to rejoin the League and Superman is all, "Are you fucking nuts?" But Batman points out Guy needs a place to be controlled and Superman relents because one of his greatest hobby horses is micromanagement. The Atom also joins because why not?
Justice League America #66 Rating: C-. Is Justice League America better off now that Guy and The Atom have re-joined the team? They've got Superman! Do they really need a guy who can shrink and a Guy who needs one? Even Batman isn't willing to join up again! But Batman gets it. The worst part of any job is always your coworkers. Unless you have total control of your coworkers because they're also your ward and you can make them do whatever you want. Batman is all, "I'm not willing to work with adult individuals full to the brim of their own free will. But I will work with teenagers whom I can ground if they don't do exactly what I say!" That's probably why all the fans love Batman so much. He's the most relatable DC hero!
Of course Guy fights back. Which is when Superman arrives to simply assume Guy Gardner started this mess. He throws Guy in the river and now Guy's pretty much accepted that he's in a major battle with the Justice League. A battle that they started! So he can finish it and not feel too bad!
Meanwhile, Batman, having arrived with Superman, seems less concerned with Guy Gardner than with the intruder alarm. He investigates and determines the League does have a teeny, tiny intruder: the Atom! Bloodwynd spots him hanging off of Batman's cape because Bloodwynd has super Martian eyesight! I mean he used the Sight of the Dead! I mean he used telepathy. With the dead!
Superman refuses to fight Guy and Batman is all, "You're a better man than I ever was, Superman!" And The Atom manages to talk Guy into calming down. Batman convinces Superman to ask Guy to rejoin the League and Superman is all, "Are you fucking nuts?" But Batman points out Guy needs a place to be controlled and Superman relents because one of his greatest hobby horses is micromanagement. The Atom also joins because why not?
Justice League America #66 Rating: C-. Is Justice League America better off now that Guy and The Atom have re-joined the team? They've got Superman! Do they really need a guy who can shrink and a Guy who needs one? Even Batman isn't willing to join up again! But Batman gets it. The worst part of any job is always your coworkers. Unless you have total control of your coworkers because they're also your ward and you can make them do whatever you want. Batman is all, "I'm not willing to work with adult individuals full to the brim of their own free will. But I will work with teenagers whom I can ground if they don't do exactly what I say!" That's probably why all the fans love Batman so much. He's the most relatable DC hero!
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