I wonder who's going to fuck the mummy?
My theory is that all of the adventures the Young Heroes will go on will be metaphors for sex. First up, a mummy. Mummy's are obviously phallic symbols because everything is a phallic symbol. Unless it's whatever you call the symbol for a vagina that nobody but Gillian Anderson actually knows. Sure, we could all immediately ask Siri and Siri will be all, "What's your sudden interest in vaginas, virgin?" And then when she gets tired of listening to me...I mean us cry, she'll say, "It's yonic, you stupid baby wanker." So maybe a mummy is a yonic symbol. Mummy is close to mommy and yonis are symbols of motherhood, right? Yonis are used for motherhood and perpetuating the species while phalluses are used to swing in the face of the next guy (as long as the next guy has a tiny phallus. You don't want it to backfire and wind up getting a huge one swung at you!).
Maybe I just can't know what a mummy represents since most mummies come from cultures different than mine and what are the chances I know anything about those cultures?! I can't ask Siri because she always sounds disgusted with me. Stupid judgmental technology. If it doesn't want to hear me jerk off, maybe shut its dumb hearing sensors off some time!
What I'm trying to say is that I don't actually own a Siri. Why would I let that eavesdropping asshole into the privacy of my home?! I already reveal too much willingly on this stupid blog that I was probably cursed by a mummy to write. There has to be an ancient curse of a reason as to why I'm still writing it.
No wait. What I was really trying to say is that maybe I shouldn't jump to any conclusions about what the mummy represents. I should probably read the story first.
This issue begins with Thunderhead blaming his own character flaw on all women.
Maybe I just can't know what a mummy represents since most mummies come from cultures different than mine and what are the chances I know anything about those cultures?! I can't ask Siri because she always sounds disgusted with me. Stupid judgmental technology. If it doesn't want to hear me jerk off, maybe shut its dumb hearing sensors off some time!
What I'm trying to say is that I don't actually own a Siri. Why would I let that eavesdropping asshole into the privacy of my home?! I already reveal too much willingly on this stupid blog that I was probably cursed by a mummy to write. There has to be an ancient curse of a reason as to why I'm still writing it.
No wait. What I was really trying to say is that maybe I shouldn't jump to any conclusions about what the mummy represents. I should probably read the story first.
This issue begins with Thunderhead blaming his own character flaw on all women.
Just because Thunderhead was too dumb and horny to not jump off of a roof because a beautiful woman asked him to doesn't mean he should blame all women for it.
I understand that people will do stupid things to impress a person they want to fuck. But any time anybody decides to do that stupid thing in the hopes of getting a hand down their pants, they need to understand that the consequences are all theirs. Not the person they're trying to impress. And certainly not everybody who just happens to be the same gender as that person. Thunderhead might as well fall to the ground lamenting, "People named Bonfire." It's still his big dumb thick head and possibly his penis with the same adjectives that are to blame for this stupid decision.
The giant bandaged genitalia monster doesn't attack in the first half of the comic book because this comic book is about young heroes trying to get laid. So a lot of the plot has one character asking another character, "So? Are you two going to fuck?" And then the other character is all, "Ha ha! Um, well, I mean...." And then Hard Drive uses his psychic ability to stop somebody from doing something he doesn't want them to do. It's all about intrigue and young people in tight and skimpy costumes. It might be the best comic book I've ever read!
I feel like this is the kind of comic book a younger me would have been embarrassed to purchase. And yet it was younger me who definitely purchased it and kept purchasing it for nearly a year. And I don't think I stopped reading it based on anything about the comic book. I think I just stopped because I was taking a road trip across the United States and probably forgot about it when scanning the new book racks of strange, new comic book stores.
After all the drama reaches all the right climactic tension points to be resolved at a later date, the Young Heroes head out to fight a mummy attacking an army base.
The giant bandaged genitalia monster doesn't attack in the first half of the comic book because this comic book is about young heroes trying to get laid. So a lot of the plot has one character asking another character, "So? Are you two going to fuck?" And then the other character is all, "Ha ha! Um, well, I mean...." And then Hard Drive uses his psychic ability to stop somebody from doing something he doesn't want them to do. It's all about intrigue and young people in tight and skimpy costumes. It might be the best comic book I've ever read!
I feel like this is the kind of comic book a younger me would have been embarrassed to purchase. And yet it was younger me who definitely purchased it and kept purchasing it for nearly a year. And I don't think I stopped reading it based on anything about the comic book. I think I just stopped because I was taking a road trip across the United States and probably forgot about it when scanning the new book racks of strange, new comic book stores.
After all the drama reaches all the right climactic tension points to be resolved at a later date, the Young Heroes head out to fight a mummy attacking an army base.
The mummy is an omen which none of the Young Heroes will probably heed! It's representative of unfaithful love! And maybe a big dick!
The team easily defeats the mummy but give no thought to whatever the mummy was rambling about. I'm pretty sure he was after a queen mummy which we all know from mummy chess is the most powerful mummy. Instead of investigating the army warehouse where the mummy was headed, they give interviews to some reporters who just happened to be at the army base, probably hoping for a big mummy attack to help their careers.
The issue ends with Monstergirl looking at the reader in a way that says, "I'm also hiding some secrets and boy oh boy is Hard Drive going to be sorry! But not until after he fucks me good!"
Young Heroes in Love #2 Rating: A+! This is probably the best comic book I've ever read. I'm not lying. I never lie. I create hyperbolic fictions that somehow speak an innate truth and thus can never be categorized as a lie.
The issue ends with Monstergirl looking at the reader in a way that says, "I'm also hiding some secrets and boy oh boy is Hard Drive going to be sorry! But not until after he fucks me good!"
Young Heroes in Love #2 Rating: A+! This is probably the best comic book I've ever read. I'm not lying. I never lie. I create hyperbolic fictions that somehow speak an innate truth and thus can never be categorized as a lie.
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