Starfire #6

Remember the good old days when cartoons about rapey skunks were appropriate for all ages? I really miss those days.

Pepe le Pew wasn't actually a rapist. He suffered from a mental illness (unless it was a fetish?) that caused him to only be attracted to females who weren't attracted to him. It's also possible he was simply addicted to huffing paint which is why he only ever chased that cat that was always getting white paint all over it. Also he was French which makes being overly sensual okay for some reason.

I just realized something about Pepe le Pew that I never thought about before! Was making him a skunk and a Frenchman a comment about their extreme body odor?!

This issue begins with a flashback. Sol's Penis is remembering his wife, Maria's Nostalgia. It is hard to remember all of the characters in this book because the men all look like Dick Grayson. Maybe I am face-blind when it comes to men because I am not sexually attracted to them. My mind is all, "There are no boobies attached to that face. Next." The flashback is about the last time Sol's Penis ever kissed Maria's Nostalgia. Then she went out into the ocean and drowned.

Back in the present, Starfire's Vagina is punching Soren's Boner because he hurt Sol's Penis. That's a mouthful! Wink, wink!

How come I have never been invited to an orgy? Do people have dip at orgies? I want some dip.

As Starfire's Vagina holds Soren's Boner's head underwater, she telepathically receives more of his memories. All of them are about murdering people. But he does it on accident! Well, not really on accident. But not on purpose, anyway. See, he has a brain tumor and I think that's enough explanation for that. He can also cure cancer magically by storing it in his brain tumor!

I do not think Sol's Penis got consent to put his mouth on Soren's Boner.

Meanwhile that Alien's Anatomy whose name I cannot remember has come to Earth to kill Starfire's Vagina. He will probably be unsuccessful at that but he will probably succeed at interrupting Starfire's Vagina's mating ritual with Sol's Penis. I cannot wait for that scene because Starfire's Vagina will probably do a lot of that thing where she imagines figurative sayings literally. I wish I knew more dirty sex sayings so I could guess what she might imagine but the filthiest sex phrase I know is "Missionary Position."

This time she knows exactly what she is saying.

Alien's Anatomy decides to attack Starfire's Vagina as she is stuffing pancakes into herself. Hopefully defeating this guy does not remind Starfire's Vagina of home because I do not want to read about another journey to Tamaran. Those trips are always the worst. Especially when they are written by Marv Wolfman or Scott Lobdell.

The battle ends quickly because Starfire's Vagina does not take shit from anybody. She wipes the floor with the bounty hunter (front to back, of course!).

Ha ha! For once, she is not taking a phrase literally! She is so crazy.

Starfire's Vagina puts the bounty hunter back on his ship and into his sleep tank then sets the ship's course for somewhere else. Whew! That was close! Starfire's Vagina recognized the ship as being from Tamaran but she resisted the temptation to visit home! She's starting her life over and part of that is, hopefully, never again thinking of Tamaran!

While Starfire's Vagina sends the ship back into space, Dick Grayson's Perfect Ass arrives at the airport and immediately thinks, "Oh hey! My sex-girlfriend lives here! Porn music noise! Also 'sex-girlfriend' is a portmanteau of 'sexy' and 'ex-girlfriend' in case that was confusing or anybody listening to me thought I was merely referring to Starfire's Vagina as being a sex toy and not the passionate and intelligent vagina that she truly is."

Starfire #6 Rating: No change. This comic book was not about a horny skunk trying to have sex with Starfire because she accidentally got a white stripe painted down her ass. I was quite disappointed. It also could have been about Starfire pursuing Pepe le Pew because his head caught on fire and Starfire mistook him for a Tamaranean male! Also his head probably didn't need to be on fire for Starfire to want to have sex with Pepe. She is so horny. I think the 1985 Who's Who entry on Starfire looks like this:

Real Name: Koriand'r
Occupation: Sex
Marital Status: Sex
Known Relatives: That Blackfire whore
Group Affiliation: Sex
Base of Operations: Bedroom (or wherever)
First Appearance: Sexpots of Space #68
Height: Lying down Weight: Reverse Cowgirl
Eyes: Intense Contact During Oral Hair: Full of semen

History
Boy does Starfire like sex! Like, really really likes sex! A lot!

Powers & Weapons
Sex! Have you not been paying attention?!