The Ravagers #11

It's a good thing Caitlin had a Swivel-Spine installed so she can fight enemies in front and in back of her at the same time. Also, she can do the Boob-Butt Showcase with ease.

Last issue, Deathstroke stabbed Little Boy Ridge in the thorax (I'm pretty sure Ridge had a thorax) with a mystical blade that burnt up Ridge's body. But I see Ridge on the cover, so it probably wasn't a fatal stabbing, gutting, and burning. But the smell awakens Beast Boy and he goes to wake up Terra who is totally up for fucking under the scent of human flesh.

Terra sleeps with a Preboot Version of Beast Boy.

While Deathstroke is wandering about Non-Doom Patrol Headquarters killing various children, Rose Wilson and Warblade have also shown up with their own agenda. Their agenda is to capture various children to bring back to Harvest. But since Harvest just paid a small country's GDP to Deathstroke to kill them, he might not be as pleased as Rose is hoping when she brings the kids alive to Harvest's lair. Rose Wilson currently has a blade to Caitlin Fairchild's throat.

I wonder if Animal-Vegetable-Mineral Man is going to be Beast Boy and Terra's child? They'll probably have sex because Terra is so fucking turned on by the smell of burning Ridges. Terra and Beast Boy are probably carriers of Harvest's Chrono-Virus, so immediately after sex, Terra will give birth to Animal-Vegetable-Mineral Man. Then everyone will have to team up to defeat him. Which they'll do. And then Slade Wilson will crack a joke and they'll all laugh. But the joke won't come until the end of next issue because I'm hoping that's the last issue of this comic book.

Does it make me weird that I'm aroused picturing Caitlin literally crapping on Rose? Or does that just make me German?

Meanwhile, Deathstroke jabs his mystic blade into Niles Caulder causing a flesh meltdown and a rich sexual aroma. But before Niles Caulder could be captured in the PokeBlade, he instituted a security protocol to release Animal-Vegetable-Mineral Man. The Doom Patrol always had the best villains and/or Security Protocols.

And finally Warblade shows up to attack Thunder and Lightning and Terra and Beast Boy as they run around Non-Doom Patrol Headquarters confused at the security alert. They probably should have listened to Niles Caulder's safety briefing when they first arrived. But they were all too full of angst back then to listen to anybody in a position of authority.

I'm not sure why Rose is offering this particular nugget of truncated wisdom as Fairchild smashes her through a steel wall.

With everybody now in the, well, whatever room they're all in, Deathstroke shows up to catch them all. He greets Rose by name so they do know each other. She does have his last name and she was his daughter in another pre-time and pre-place but their relationship has yet to be explored in The New 52. At the time Adeline and Baby Jericho were supposedly killed, there was no sign of a daughter in the Wilson household. I still think she should be the native girl from Eclipso Island.

Everybody recognizes Deathstroke from TMZ. He's so scary and deadly that Rose and Warblade instantly join The Ravagers! Warblade doesn't even have anything snarky and rebellious to say!

Well, maybe just a little bit snarky.

But just as the plan to not get defeated by Deathstroke too quickly is put into action, Animal-Vegetable-Mineral Man crashes through the floor! What happens to the plan now? My new plan would be run away really fast while Deathstroke kills it for free and then kills himself from the shame of being manipulated into a freebie. I have a feeling the real plan is going to be Total Chaos.

Actually, Caitlin puts my plan into action with the added benefit of family drama to help her escape.

While Deathstroke and Warblade fight to the death because Warblade is one of those arrogant, stupid idiots that think challenging yourself against the best is a fun diversion, the Ravagers and Rose murder Animal-Vegetable-Mineral Man. And then Warblade utters his last words: "Rose! Run!"

That's just a mask though. Right? *sniff* RIGHT?!

As Deathstroke continues to fill out his PokeDex, Rose drags Caitlin away from the battle to show her Niles Caulder's secret sex doll room.

Okay. Between this and Animal-Vegetable-Mineral Man, Niles Caulder is officially on his way to being as creepy and disturbing as the Preboot Chief.

Rose continues to try to drag Caitlin further into Caulder's lair because he has something that can stop Deathstroke. But Caitlin's having a little bit of trouble moving past The Caitlin Fairchild Memorial Clone and Sexdoll Museum.

Ego? Narcissism? Arrogance?

The Ravagers #11 Rating: +3 Ranking. This comic book finally had a really good issue and it ends with "To Be Concluded"! I know I said earlier that I was hoping next issue would be the last. But after this issue? This comic book could go places! Oh well. I guess that's what happens when, month after month, you let Howard Mackie shit in a jar, bury it underground for three weeks, then dig it back up, put it in a folder, and hand it to his editor as the script for next months Ravagers.