The Savage Hawkman #15

DC, get your fucking act together. These guys aren't fighting each other in this comic book since they already fought each other in Hawkman #14 and Deathstroke #14. And it was the same fight!

I'm not surprised The Savage Hawkman is currently the worst New 52 comic book I'm reading when they still have Rob Liefeld's name on the cover. I think DC knows that this comic book is a complete fucking mess and they're still angry with the way things went down with Rob Liefeld, so they're leaving his name on the cover and leaving the story as confusing and horrible as possible. In other words, DC hates its fans and cares more about making Rob Liefeld look bad than giving its customers quality comic books.

Let me try to sum up the Hawkman:Wanted story: Hawkman and his girlfriend Whatshername captured Shayera, Xerxes, and Pike after they tried to kidnap him and haul him back to Thanagar for the murder of Prince Corsar. Up until the moment Hawkman met Shayera, he just thought he was some human archaeologist that ended up fused with his Nth Metal costume that he tried to burn back in the first issue. Meeting Shayera explains how he got the Nth Metal but it doesn't explain why he forgot who he was or why he wanted to burn the suit in the first place.

Anyway, forget all of that crap because it doesn't matter. Even the part where Hawkman captured everyone doesn't matter. After capturing them, Hawkman lets Shayera, Pike, and Xerxes go at the end of the issue. At the beginning of the next issue, Hawkman is trying to find Shayera so that she'll explain his place in the universe. Why he didn't ask her before letting her go is beyond me. Perhaps the stress of the situation got to him and he panicked. Because now he's after Shayera and Shayera is after him and Xerxes is after him and Pike is after him and this comic is just a pile of bullshit. Can we get a class action fraud lawsuit against DC for selling this as "entertainment" and "a comic book"?

Since Hawkman continuity can't even be kept issue to issue, I'm not sure that this issue will begin with Hawkman and Deathstork Deathstroke about to battle Xerxes and Pike. I'm assuming it will begin like that. But I've already proved that I'm an ass, so nothing is guaranteed.

At least Xerxes is still attacking them although I don't see Pike anywhere!

One of my favorite things is when the writers of comic books comment on their own comics so I don't have to!

I don't envy any of the creative team working on this comic book right now. I'm pretty sure none of them care and they all feel like they're still just cleaning up after Rob Liefeld.

Yeah, you could say that. I also wouldn't rule out "Most Ridiculous" or "Most Ridiculousest" or "Mosterest Ridiculouseresterest."

It's Narration Boxes like this that illuminate the lie of DC caring about continuity at all.

How can DC claim to have any continuity at all when a comic book series like Hawkman exists? What about continuity does DC actually care about? What are the editors of DC's comic books looking for when they try to help keep continuity straight? How can Hawkman make this statement without the reader believing that somebody has brain damage, either Hawkman or the writers or the editors.

First off, Hawkman was being attacked continuously before he even knew he was Thanagarian. People were after him for the Nth Metal which he was researching to find out what it meant to him and why he was linked to it. He easily refers to the Thanagarians as "my people" even though he only recently discovered he was one of them and, of course, it wasn't a big shocking reveal at all. He just somehow got his memories back and he went, "Oh yeah! That's me! And I'm not a murderer!"

On the other hand, I guess I could put this together if I squinted hard enough. So maybe I should just go with it and stop complaining! Tony S. Daniel had hinted that Carter Hall was someone named Katar Hol in one shadowy panel where an alien recognizes him (if I'm remembering correctly!). And the Nth Metal fusing to him was a huge surprising mess so it would lead him, an archaeologist, to go about looking for answers to its origin. It's just from there it devolved into everybody somehow knowing about the Nth Metal and wanting it. Liefeld lost the way because it was easier to simply write villains attacking Hawkman. Just like he wrote Deathstork Deathstroke having villains simply attacking him. And Grifter was a bit different where Daemonites kept attacking him.

Okay, so how about that? I've come to terms with this comic book! DC Continuity is safe for now because I squinted just right and ignored ever so slightly and took slight liberties with my rationality and logic. And voila! The Savage Hawkman!

Well, Pike maybe. But Xerxes doesn't even care about that! Remember? He wants your Nth Metal!

At this point, Pike and Deathstroke and Xerxes and Hawkman and the Warhawks begin fighting. Xerxe's squad of soldiers that arrived with them? I don't know what they're doing. Pizza and beer in New York is my guess. "Hey guys! I'm hungry! You think the bosses have this one handled?"

And handled they do! Pike and Deathstroke have one of those epically legendary fights that only come around once every fifteen years in comic books.

If only Stan Lee could create this kind of brilliant characterization! Pure poetry on the level of E. E. Cummings.

You! Pike!
By Frank Tieri

Please, stop
making me laugh,
Bro.
You made me swallow
my gum.
And good gum is hard to
AARGH!

While these two monsters stab each other with their mean-spirited words, a Warhawk grabs Hawkman by the neck and nearly declares the battle won! Please, sir. You aren't even a named villain! Hawkman tears his wings off and follows it up with a much needed double-splash page that, God fucking help me, actually feels the way this comic book should feel. For one brief moment in time, I like what I see! Savage Hawkman is savage! Deathstroke is being an irreverent dick. And I might have had a mini-stroke because, fuck me, I laughed at this. I'm not going to over analyze why I laughed at it. I don't think I have the fortitude for that kind of soul searching. But I did laugh at it.

Don't you fucking judge me!

I personally would have left the conversation on this page simply at Deathstroke saying, "Hey Xerox! Catch!" instead of having Xerxes correct him and Deathstroke saying, "Like it matters." But then I'm usually a less is more kind of guy which you probably couldn't tell with my long-ass commentary posts!

Perhaps this double splash page is a kind of gateway drug! I've seen that I can enjoy this senseless, mindless pablum if I'm in exactly the right state of mind! I'm actually kind of excited to read the rest of this comic book now!

Well there goes that feeling.

I actually had to look up "bird beating" to see if it was a real thing. You know, like bear baiting and dog fighting. Turns out it isn't although it did lead me to laugh until I cried after reading this horrible article. No, no. It's not that I get off on animals being harmed. It was the last sentence of this last paragraph: "Djuric was accused of beating the bird, a Heermann’s Gull, with a stick after the bird and another gull allegedly went after his and his wife’s ice cream on the boardwalk. The bird was so badly injured it had to be euthanized at the Huntington Beach Wetlands and Wildlife Station. The other gull escaped to the ocean and could not be located."

During the battle, Hawkman has a life changing realization. Why has he been poring over research texts and digging in dirt and translating ancient languages when that never fulfilled him? He thinks to himself, "It's only in battle that I am myself. That I know who and what I truly am." And it only took him 15 issues to figure out why the "Savage" belongs in the title! Yay!

Next issue: Hawkman murders jay walker!

But I'm not done with this issue yet! Pike and Xerxes escape but they leave a trail of blood through the sky for Deathstroke to follow. Hawkman heads off to find Shayera. They decide to meet up later.
Hawkman doesn't know where to look for Shayera so he just goes back to the safe house where Emma is waiting for him. And that's where he finds Shayera! Your homicidal princess queen ex-girlfriend is always in the last place you look.

It's in this confrontation that I realize I made a mistake during my earlier reading. I mentioned that the Warhawks were fighting with Pike and Xerxes and Xerxes army had disappeared. The creatures I thought were Warhawks were actually Xerxes' soldiers! I just didn't realize that they had wings like the Warhawks. I was wondering why the Warhawks were suddenly so ugly when they were more cleaned up and military in Green Arrow. I noticed because Hawkman makes a big deal about Shayera running around with Xerxes' thugs. I'm pretty sure this change was made so Hawkman could be more savage. While he was fighting the Warhawks, he was concerned about them simply doing their military job. But Xerxes' ugly ass monster soldiers are pure evil (apparently) and thus can be killed indiscriminately.

Excuse me but the Czarnians are already dead. Thank you.

Since Xerxes is here collecting the bounty that probably means Deathstroke is right around the corner ready to save Hawkman's life! Because he followed the trail of blood!

Except Deathstroke doesn't interrupt the meeting at all. Perhaps he's on Pike's trail. Or perhaps he'll show up next issue for the last part of Hawkman:Wanted to help save the day. The person that interrupts Hawkman's capture is none other than Prince Corsar himself! Super duper surprise twist!

Except for, you know, the part about everybody knowing this was going to happen.

Well then. If Corsar is alive then Katar Hol is innocent and he is now free to go! Everybody break it up! Move along! Nothing more to see here!

After Deathstroke and Hawkman defeat Corsar and Shayera apologizes to Katar Hol (even though Katar still maimed him horribly in the accident instead of killing him in the accident), will the story become a love triangle between Hawkman, Hawkgirl, and Emma?

The Savage Hawkman #15 Rating: No change. I'm usually against writers coming on to a title and completely forgetting what's happened in previous issues and beginning the story from an entirely new place with a different theme and with the title character acting completely contrary to the way he or she's been acting up until then, but I think I'll let that slide on this title! Let's get a new writer on this thing to just start the mess over entirely. Perhaps this could all have been a dream he was dreaming while in a coma dealing with the Nth Metal fusing with his body after a hunter found him in the forest near death. I'm pretty sure that's what Ann Nocenti recommended to Rob Liefeld on this title. So I agree with Ann Nocenti! I think I did have a slight stroke earlier today.