Birds of Prey #14

Is Katana's plan simply to fall to her doom? Same as Black Canary and Starling's plan, I guess!

Is this the issue where we find out what happened to Poison Ivy after Katana supposedly killed her? My guess is that Duane will never mention it again because he doesn't give a fuck if his stories make any sense from issue to issue. He just gives the Birds a little amnesia and moves on to a new plot point. And the Birds just vapidly wander around from action scene to action scene believing they're accomplishing something. Or not believing they are and simply not caring.

I hope Condor replaces Katana as a member of the Birds of Prey because he has a bird name while Katana doesn't. What the fuck is she doing in this group? I know! I know! She's a "bird" in the British vernacular. But she's getting her own comic soon, so it's about time she breaks up with this lousy comic book.

And before everyone flips out that I'm hating on The Birds of Prey, remember that I don't particularly dislike anybody in this comic book (well, maybe Starling). I just hate the way they're currently being written. I want this book to be good! I want this book to be fun and exciting and all kinds of awesomeness. But it currently isn't anything but shit.

It's always the worst comics that have the worst editing. I think the editors can't bring themselves to actually read the finished product.

Some guy recently went through a bunch of my commentaries and pointed out where I made errors. I had to point out to him that I'm not charging anybody to read my crap and I don't have three to four editors on salary to make sure my writing is error free. Also, I never reread my entries after I'm done reading the comic book and commenting. When the next issue comes out a month later, that's when I reread my previous entry and do all of the editing. If anyone is curious as to how many horrible typos, grammar errors, word additions, or word subtractions I generally make, you can read my Blogspot version of this Tumblr page where I never go back and correct my errors! Have at it! Make fun of my horrible ability to not make any mistakes on my first stream-of-consciousness commentary on each comic. No, seriously. Someone make a list so I can go back and fix them! I don't have time to read 900 fucking entries!

By the way, I don't point out every error I run into in a comic book. If it ruins the flow of my narrative, I'll ignore it. There was one in the Shazam story in Justice League #14 that I just let go because I didn't want to wedge in another picture that didn't really fit in with anything I was saying. There have been others. My goal here isn't to edit every comic DC puts out. Unless Howard Mackie is writing it. And then I'm going to list all of his fucking errors, double dashes, dual periods, ellipses, and whatever weird punctuation he decides to throw in the mix.

Oh yeah! The picture underneath the Narration Box with the typo shows two ninjas climbing up the side of a building carrying a large safe. Really? Was the fucking freight elevator out of order?

I guess if they were taking an elevator or the stairs, Condor wouldn't be able to attack them. That would have been a good thing because for the life of me (and I'm not being purposefully dense), I can't figure out exactly what's going on here.

I get that he's attacking them. Then he's almost sliding off of the roof? And he's saying, "Gotcha," when he almost grabs onto the wall instead of sliding off the building? And then the ninjas are so fast that one of them runs over to the other side of the roof after being knocked out of the way and knees Condor in the groin? That's how I read this and if that's what's happening, fuck you. This is horrible plotting.

Whatever the case, Condor beats up the Dagger Ninjas and decides to look in the box. But before he can, Starling, Black Canary, Katana, and Batgirl appear on the roof to stop him. How did they get on the roof? Well, Batgirl swung up on a rope in that way that the Bat-Family does without anyone actually knowing how they do it. That's forgivable because it's usual. But Canary and Katana were in disguise as the Dagger Ninjas. And when was the last time they were able to scale sheer surfaces? I suppose Team 7 training accounts for Dinah's ability and Katana being Japanese accounts for her ability. Starling just appears in her corset. Maybe she was in the box.
 
Condor decides to put up a fight instead of finding out what they want. He has that telekinetic power thing that he uses to make Dinah kick Katana in the face and break the edge of the building so Batgirl falls off the side. He would also probably use it to stop Starling's bullets if she could actually hit anything but the wall behind her intended targets.

Ugh. Condor only uses this dialogue so that Starling can reply that she's currently drunk or some other lame joke that should never happen because why would Condor say this?!

Let's see what Starling has to say about being drunk or shooting while drunk or drunkity drunk drunk when I turn the page.

Oh, well then. I stand corrected! Starling is merely amazed that she didn't hit him although this has never amazed her before in the last 13 issues when she hasn't hit anything either. Well, at least she's going to hit the ground! Bwa ha ha! No, no. Batgirl will save her.

Maybe Condor just pointed out that he likes to get drunk so that he and Starling will have something to bond over later when he joins the group and Katana leaves the group and they're all remembering what a horrible person Poison Ivy was when she was alive.

Maybe some people reading this enjoy Birds of Prey and think I'm being nit-picky. Well, yeah, I am. But this next part of the action sequence is why I'm picking everything apart. Because this is the way Duane ignores every fucking thing going on in the comic simply to get on with the next part of his story. Ready?

Batgirl and Starling have been knocked off of the building. Where'd they go? It isn't revealed by the end of the scene. Black Canary knocks Condor off of the building with Katana now the only one left on the roof. Now Black Canary knows that he can fly, so why should she care that he's falling? Because she thinks she knocked him out. So she jumps off the building to grab him. Once she does, she tells him to cover his ears because she's going to use her sonic scream to save them. But she thought he was knocked out? Oh, who cares. They land safely and he can't hear so she chides him for not covering his ears even though the only reason she jumped off the building was because she thought he was knocked out. You know what? Who cares. NONE OF THAT IS WHAT I'M COMPLAINING ABOUT! This is:

Katana is now waiting for them on the ground with a gun!

Am I supposed to believe that Katana dove off of the building in anticipation of Black Canary kicking Condor off of it? Am I supposed to believe that Katana can break her fall using Shinto? Perhaps she can scale down buildings faster than Black Canary falls? Perhaps she learned how to teleport when I wasn't fucking looking? Now do you see why I nit pick the shit out of this comic book?!

Everybody goes back to Condor's lair to retrieve Katana's sword. And they all lived happily ever after.

Oh no! I forgot about the Dagger Ninja Clan! I was willing to let this comic book be over in fourteen pages!

In the middle of all of this terribly exciting ninja fighting action, Starling takes a time out to give Amanda Waller a call. Batgirl escapes out of a window and crashes to the ground because her line was cut. Katana is captured again and taken to finish her punishment. And Black Canary is knocked unconscious by Condor after they escape. The team is split up and down for the count. How will they overcome such a devastating turn of fortune next issue? How can I even guess when Duane Swierczynski just ignores causality?

Birds of Prey #14 Rating: -2 Ranking. This shit is some terrible shit. I wish it wasn't shit but it is shit. I would like to read a good Birds of Prey comic book and not a shit Birds of Prey comic book.