Superboy #6

Anybody else remember when Supergirl was some sort of computer program named Matrix?

Oh no. Tom DeFalco is doing the script on this issue! He's the guy that decided the Legion Lost comic book wasn't going in the right direction and he basically trashed the first six issues once he took over the writing job. I guess he can't do that here though since Scott Lobdell is still credited with the story.

Last issue, I believe Superboy rescued Gen-13 from the clutches of N.O.W.H.E.R.E. and handed her over to some mysterious stranger he's working with. And some old couple in a farm (which may or may not be virtual reality) were holding captives in preparation of The Culling.

Oh! I also forgot that after Superboy Issue #5, he wandered over to Teen Titans #5 and kicked the ever-loving snot out of them. That's where this issue begins! Superboy is standing over the unconscious bodies of the Teen Titans.

Superboy #5 wastes a few pages going over the same shit that was at the end of Teen Titans #5. But in Teen Titans #5, it was done in three pages and two panels. This comic wastes five full pages to go over the exact same scene. Same Superboy thoughts. Same speech by Solstice.

If you're trying to be a good comic book for the value, Superboy, you're really starting off on the wrong foot. This is complete bullshit, DC! You owe me about 75 cents since you just made me pay twice for the exact same content.

Superboy finds himself envying this group of kids that fight together so he decides not to kidnap Wonder Girl. This means he won't find out the information about his DNA donors. I'm pretty sure NOWHERE wasn't going to give him any information anyway. He kicks the NOWHERE guys truck into the lake and takes off. Just like happened at the end of Teen Titans #5.

Oh boo fucking hoo. Plus: FLICKERS!

Poor little Superboy flies off into the sky with an amazing power and an amazing ability to live his fucking life however the fuck he wants without anybody saying anything about it and he's bitching about how hard life is. "Nobody has ever had it as hard as I have! I have no parents! I don't know who my DNA donors are! Some shadowy organization is controlling my every move except they aren't because they can't actually control me but that's the part that makes life so hard because it would be easier if I just had to do everything they said and didn't have a will or a personality of my own! Waa waa waa!"

While Superboy is moaning and going through his teenage angst at six months old (luckily, he'll be over this phase soon if his growth rate continues at this pace), the ugliest version of Supergirl ever shows up to beat him up. I'm assuming she's going to beat him up since that's what she's done to every single being she's encountered so far in her own comic book.

Ugh. And that red crotch piece of that stupid new costume just looks like she's wearing adult diapers.

Supergirl touches Superboy but not in the sexy way you're hoping I tell you. She just brushes a stray wisp of hair or something and Superboy gets a vision of Krypton being destroyed. He sees something about clones on Krypton rising up and overthrowing their masters. I'm not sure what that's about. Maybe it has something to do with the World Killers or World Destroyers that Supergirl is meeting in her comic book. He also learns to speak Kryptonian. Too bad Supergirl didn't learn English. He mentions he's a clone and Supergirl finally does what I knew she would do!

This girl has got to take a sedative.

Superboy calms Supergirl down with a Telekinetic blast and they discuss the clone thing for a little bit before the police interrupt. Krypton experimented with clones which led to disaster. The clones of Krypton all became mindless killing machines and Supergirl believes that will happen to Superboy as well. After the police interrupt, Supergirl flies away to spend a few moments in her own delusional thoughts.

I'm pretty sure she has it backwards and she's been attacking everyone she meets. Not that she hasn't been correct about 50% of the time.

Superboy flies back to NOWHERE's not-so-hidden antarctic headquarters to find out some answers to why he was created. He tears off the main door to confront Templar but finds Rose Wilson waiting to fight him instead. And that's the end of that issue.

Superboy Issue #6 Rating: -1 Ranking. Almost every issue of Superboy has felt like a set-up for an issue of Superboy that has yet to happen. But the main reason this issue loses a rank is because of the bullshit five pages that just repeated the last three pages of Teen Titans #5. Okay, so it did it with new art. But I don't think comic book readers really care about paying for the same piece of story with a new visual perspective. You owe me 75 cents, DC!