I have no idea what the "Extremities!" above the title means.
"Extremities!" seems to be an interjection of some kind based on my detective work that discovered the clue of the exclamation point. But what is it trying to convey? This was the era of Bill and Ted with the release of the second movie this same year so it feels like it it's parodying their use of "Excellent!" Maybe it's just their cleaned up version of yelling, "Shit!" Either because Max Lord, a terrible person, has woken up from his coma or because he's been taken hostage by The Extremists. Take your poison, I guess.
I never do this but you know what? We have access to creators so easily via the Internet these days, I'm simply going to ask J.M. DeMatteis if he remembers the reason for this cover design. This is a good excuse to not have to work on this review while I await a reply! I can now go play some Starfield without thinking about all the other shit I should be doing!
*One Day Later*
Well, I asked him and my levels of clarification are now at a whopping -100%!
I never do this but you know what? We have access to creators so easily via the Internet these days, I'm simply going to ask J.M. DeMatteis if he remembers the reason for this cover design. This is a good excuse to not have to work on this review while I await a reply! I can now go play some Starfield without thinking about all the other shit I should be doing!
*One Day Later*
Well, I asked him and my levels of clarification are now at a whopping -100%!
This answer feels like a personal insult! How dumb and unobservant does DeMatteis take me to be?!
Don't answer that question! He probably hasn't read all of my reviews which prove me to be a hyper-intelligent, astute, insightful critic of the comic book medium and not a dolt like some of you readers with no reading comprehension think they prove me to be! But wait! There's more helpful information!
I've truly never been more insulted regarding somebody's perception of my intelligence ever before!
"A play on words," he says! He really does think I'm a huge idiot! I did manage to figure out it was a play on words, Mark. My problem was I didn't understand what the play was! What does it MEAN?! I suppose I could have replied asking for more clarification but I didn't want to bother him anymore and he was trying to be truly helpful and I absolutely appreciate his responding to a question asking about some dumb comic book cover that he might not even have had anything to do with from over thirty years ago! You'll also note I didn't post my question to him because it was probably confusing and unclear and the main reason DeMatteis didn't quite understand how to answer the question and we've already spent too much time on my mental and writing limitations so maybe we should just move on!
Shit! I think I just figured it out! It was a play on Stan Lee's "Excelsior!" Sorry, J.M., for bothering you and I wasn't being mean about your response here! Just whimsical and hyperbolic. I really should have been more clear about my confusion when asking about the cover.
This issue is called "The Descent of . . . Despero!" With a title like that, I'm expecting something on the scale of a Shakespearian tragedy like King Lear or As You Like It.
The story begins as grand as some of the greatest novels in Western literature with a memorable opener that can't be denied. Maybe even greater! It outdoes "A screaming comes across the sky" by a million miles and two tight cheeks! It stands gorgeously quaffed hair and broad shoulders above "The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed." It's clown make-up better painted on than "All this happened, more or less."
Shit! I think I just figured it out! It was a play on Stan Lee's "Excelsior!" Sorry, J.M., for bothering you and I wasn't being mean about your response here! Just whimsical and hyperbolic. I really should have been more clear about my confusion when asking about the cover.
This issue is called "The Descent of . . . Despero!" With a title like that, I'm expecting something on the scale of a Shakespearian tragedy like King Lear or As You Like It.
The story begins as grand as some of the greatest novels in Western literature with a memorable opener that can't be denied. Maybe even greater! It outdoes "A screaming comes across the sky" by a million miles and two tight cheeks! It stands gorgeously quaffed hair and broad shoulders above "The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed." It's clown make-up better painted on than "All this happened, more or less."
Jesus Christ, look at that ass.
I'm glad Lobo wore clown make-up and was so pumped full of sexual charisma that he could never quite become a right wing symbol of over-the-top violence in the name of justice like The Punisher. Also Lobo fucks space dolphins and might be a bit too tied to planetary genocide to represent American justice (not that that doesn't represent Amercan justice quite well! It's just people wouldn't want to signal that part of America's virtue). Although most of them are so stupid they really can't see much past their love of violence as a response to any disagreement with their bigoted views or overly aggressive attitudes. I mean, cops are too dumb to realize that The Punisher has killed as many cops as bad guys in his Memento-like impossible quest to bring back his family masquerading as a war on crime. He's just Batman with bullets, really.
Lobo is so much better than Batman and The Punisher! The universe doesn't need more sad toxic males maiming and murdering whomever they see as a stand-in for the person who killed their loved ones (again, Memento-like!); the universe needs a nihilistic clown with a tight ass who doesn't care who he kills or why but also always keeps his word for some reason. I guess a character should have at least one flaw to round them out.
Lobo has been hired to hunt Despero and bring him back to Manga Khan. Not because Manga Khan is worried about the destruction Despero is apt to cause while loose but because Despero is unpaid for merchandise.
Lobo is so much better than Batman and The Punisher! The universe doesn't need more sad toxic males maiming and murdering whomever they see as a stand-in for the person who killed their loved ones (again, Memento-like!); the universe needs a nihilistic clown with a tight ass who doesn't care who he kills or why but also always keeps his word for some reason. I guess a character should have at least one flaw to round them out.
Lobo has been hired to hunt Despero and bring him back to Manga Khan. Not because Manga Khan is worried about the destruction Despero is apt to cause while loose but because Despero is unpaid for merchandise.
Every night I dream Lobo will say these words to me.
Well, that's the best part of the issue done! I'll probably have to wait until the next issue of the "Breakdowns" story arc in Justice League Europe #33 for more of my Main Man and his Main Ass.
Back in London, Inspector Camus teams up with The Beefeater to go on a mission to tell the Justice League that somebody has stolen The Extremists from Tussaud's Wax Museum. "Extremities!"
Max Lord attends a Coming Out of a Coma Party at the Justice League's old cave. He's acting so weird that maybe I've just figured out the whole "Extremities!" bit! What if Mitch Wacky took the Extremists from the Museum to use their parts to make a Max Lord automaton? That would mean each of the Extremists could have been used as one of Max's extremities. Did I figure it out?! Maybe that's why J.M. DeMatteis was so vague about the "play on words." Because saying too much would have been a spoiler!
Lord's head begins to hurt, probably because he has robot brains or he's using too much concentration to make everybody party in a way many of them never would (like J'onn and Kara and, well, that might be it, actually), so he leaves the party. Inspector Camus and Beefeater also leave, heading to the old UN headquarters to look up Mitch Wacky's address. While there, Despero crashes through the ceiling to begin a brawl with The Beefeater. How this wasn't the cover done in a mirror image style of the Lobo vs. Despero cover for Justice League Europe #33, I can't imagine. Those two comic books on the shelves next to each other would have sold so many more copies! I know a comic book with Lobo on the cover would already completely sell out so what I'm saying is more copies of this issue would have sold if they'd done a Beefeater vs. Despero cover matching the Lobo vs. Despero cover.
Despero makes quick work of The Beefeater and Inspector Camus which is probably why Beefeater didn't make the cover. But he did act heroically which is probably important for him getting a little respect in the future even though he's been played as a complete joke up until now.
Back in London, Inspector Camus teams up with The Beefeater to go on a mission to tell the Justice League that somebody has stolen The Extremists from Tussaud's Wax Museum. "Extremities!"
Max Lord attends a Coming Out of a Coma Party at the Justice League's old cave. He's acting so weird that maybe I've just figured out the whole "Extremities!" bit! What if Mitch Wacky took the Extremists from the Museum to use their parts to make a Max Lord automaton? That would mean each of the Extremists could have been used as one of Max's extremities. Did I figure it out?! Maybe that's why J.M. DeMatteis was so vague about the "play on words." Because saying too much would have been a spoiler!
Lord's head begins to hurt, probably because he has robot brains or he's using too much concentration to make everybody party in a way many of them never would (like J'onn and Kara and, well, that might be it, actually), so he leaves the party. Inspector Camus and Beefeater also leave, heading to the old UN headquarters to look up Mitch Wacky's address. While there, Despero crashes through the ceiling to begin a brawl with The Beefeater. How this wasn't the cover done in a mirror image style of the Lobo vs. Despero cover for Justice League Europe #33, I can't imagine. Those two comic books on the shelves next to each other would have sold so many more copies! I know a comic book with Lobo on the cover would already completely sell out so what I'm saying is more copies of this issue would have sold if they'd done a Beefeater vs. Despero cover matching the Lobo vs. Despero cover.
Despero makes quick work of The Beefeater and Inspector Camus which is probably why Beefeater didn't make the cover. But he did act heroically which is probably important for him getting a little respect in the future even though he's been played as a complete joke up until now.
Chris Wozniak working on the composition of this panel: "I think it needs a little more woman ass."
Before I noticed the woman's ass in that panel, I was going to comment on Despero's lack of genitals. So let's do that one too.
Despero's hate is a manifestation of his NDE.
Max Lord tells Catherine he's going to Kooey Kooey Kooey Island to recover for a week or so but in actuality he's headed there to make sure Uncle Mitch Wacky gets the Extremists back up and running. Because Max Lord's body has been taken over by Dreamslayer! "Extremities!" for real!
Justice League America #57 Rating: A+. Every comic book review is somebody's first comic book review so I'll explain why this issue received an A+: because Lobo was in it. You see, I don't really review comic books. I just read them and write some nonsense about them and then give them a rating that means nothing depending on how I remember being entertained while writing about the comic book (not how entertained I was reading it! And not how entertained I was writing about it! Always just a vague emotional memory of how I think I felt while writing about it!). I love when Lobo makes an appearance because then I don't even have to pretend to care about the reasons for my rating! It just automatically gets an A+ because every issue with an appearance by Lobo is one of the best comic books ever created. I would say the same thing for Ambush Bug but I don't think I have yet to review a comic book with Ambush Bug in it.
Justice League America #57 Rating: A+. Every comic book review is somebody's first comic book review so I'll explain why this issue received an A+: because Lobo was in it. You see, I don't really review comic books. I just read them and write some nonsense about them and then give them a rating that means nothing depending on how I remember being entertained while writing about the comic book (not how entertained I was reading it! And not how entertained I was writing about it! Always just a vague emotional memory of how I think I felt while writing about it!). I love when Lobo makes an appearance because then I don't even have to pretend to care about the reasons for my rating! It just automatically gets an A+ because every issue with an appearance by Lobo is one of the best comic books ever created. I would say the same thing for Ambush Bug but I don't think I have yet to review a comic book with Ambush Bug in it.
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