In my younger days, I would have Photoshopped this cover to say, "In the Urethra of the Beast!", and recolored the green slime white.
Just saying how you would Photoshop something saves so much more time than actually Photoshopping it! Like when I reviewed The New 52's Superboy #4!
I used to have so much life ahead of me that wasting time doing this shit seemed fun!
I know my reviews have suffered because I don't go on weird and wild Photoshop tangents (like flipping the entire cover of a Teen Titans issue with Skitter on the cover because I glanced at it and thought it would look better upside down). When I was doing my webcomic Dwarflover, or the earlier days of this blog, my one rule was to completely indulge any stray thought that entered my head, no matter how much work it was going to be or how much of a pain in the ass. When writing Dwarflover, I wouldn't allow myself to consider how excruciating the Photoshop part was going to be when putting the actual panels together. If I had, I never would have completed even 50% of the issues I wrote. I valued my time so little that I did this:
This was the original drawing from The Tomb of Horrors.
And after I got done removing all the objects and making individual tokens.
The props that I could cut and paste into the scene as needed.
I see how easy all this Photoshop shit is nowadays (at least according to the Twitch commercials) and it makes me despise everybody whose life has been made easier by the new technology! Now I get why people don't want other people's lives to improve! No, wait. It isn't because they have it easier that I hate young people. It's because they're young and have so much more life ahead of them than me! Fucking jerks! Why were they so lucky to be born after I was?! Now they have better Photoshop tools and more life!
Was that enough proof that, if I had wanted to take the time, I really could have made it look like Justice League Europe were inside of a gigantic penis? Please acknowledge my ability to Photoshop superheroes into a massive dick! It's truly all I have!
Was that enough proof that, if I had wanted to take the time, I really could have made it look like Justice League Europe were inside of a gigantic penis? Please acknowledge my ability to Photoshop superheroes into a massive dick! It's truly all I have!
Obviously this would be a wet dream.
Nothing more erotic to me than a woman having a wet dream. You mean they get to cum and I don't have to do any work?! Yes please!
Not long after Crimson Fox (fluent in English variant) realizes the worms aren't aspects of her subconscious, they devour the factory. I don't know if they devour her as well but that would make the Crimson Fox character less complicated, right? Plus she can no longer count as two women when people start defending the Justice League's roster of five men for every woman (not counting women who merely work at the Embassy and are far smarter than everybody else, like Sue and Catherine and L'ron (is L'ron female? Maybe!)). Plus I seem to remember Crimson Fox always had a French accent. This whole "Crimson Fox is played by twins!" story arc just seems like one of those "fixing continuity" things. I think Uncle Elvis and Charlie Brown and all of the other regular letter writers pointed out how sometimes Crimson Fox speaks with an accent and sometimes she doesn't and it was ruining their suspension of disbelief. And DC editors, never wanting to be shown up by mere fans, were all, "Um, uh, there's an actual reason for that and let us tell you about it in this really complicated soap opera-esque story arc that will end with the death of one of them because we never actually meant for there to be two Crimson Foxes! In your face, you smart ass fans!"
Crimson Fox was just eaten by a giant penis. Wait, am I dreaming? That seems like the sort of dream I would have. But I haven't ejaculated in my pants so I'm guessing it actually happened. In the comic book, of course! I don't think this comic book is a work of non-fiction! I may have weird wet dreams but at least I'm connected to reality at about — oh, I don't know — 83%?
Not long after Crimson Fox (fluent in English variant) realizes the worms aren't aspects of her subconscious, they devour the factory. I don't know if they devour her as well but that would make the Crimson Fox character less complicated, right? Plus she can no longer count as two women when people start defending the Justice League's roster of five men for every woman (not counting women who merely work at the Embassy and are far smarter than everybody else, like Sue and Catherine and L'ron (is L'ron female? Maybe!)). Plus I seem to remember Crimson Fox always had a French accent. This whole "Crimson Fox is played by twins!" story arc just seems like one of those "fixing continuity" things. I think Uncle Elvis and Charlie Brown and all of the other regular letter writers pointed out how sometimes Crimson Fox speaks with an accent and sometimes she doesn't and it was ruining their suspension of disbelief. And DC editors, never wanting to be shown up by mere fans, were all, "Um, uh, there's an actual reason for that and let us tell you about it in this really complicated soap opera-esque story arc that will end with the death of one of them because we never actually meant for there to be two Crimson Foxes! In your face, you smart ass fans!"
Crimson Fox was just eaten by a giant penis. Wait, am I dreaming? That seems like the sort of dream I would have. But I haven't ejaculated in my pants so I'm guessing it actually happened. In the comic book, of course! I don't think this comic book is a work of non-fiction! I may have weird wet dreams but at least I'm connected to reality at about — oh, I don't know — 83%?
Reads like an incel tweeting about his super dry penis.
The Justice League manage to save Vivian D'Aramis (the version of Crimson Fox that was just eaten by a giant worm) by also being eaten by the giant worm, allowing Bart Sears to, once again, draw a picture of a worm's sphincter spraying shit everywhere.
Flashpoint should have been caused by Wally going back in time to stop himself from making this rapey comment.
Crimson Fox's perfume factory creates a toxic airborne event. Probably because they aren't allowed to test their chemicals on animals anymore so nobody can tell what chemicals in perfume are the toxic ones. I bet if monkeys knew that not being killed in animal testing would cost some humans their lives, they'd choose to sacrifice their lives for the betterment of humans! I mean, I wouldn't, if I were a monkey. But I'm a human who doesn't want to die in a toxic airborne perfume event so I'm going to warp my fear of death into a rationalization about the martyr-like qualities of Chimpanzees.
The leader of the cult who killed Crimson Fox's mother realizes Vivian survived and loses his shit. Apparently the worms can't be out past dawn or else something apocalyptic will happen. My guess is that they stop being controlled and/or they wither and dehydrate and die. Whatever the case, the leader's cult members all run for cover. I guess they don't like money as much as I thought they did! Sure, they back this leader when he's destroying their competition. But when he goes crazy and risks everything for a personal vendetta, they can't have his back?! What are they going to do? Go back to the non-giant worm real world and run their businesses legitimately?! Losers.
Before Maurice (that's the cult leader's name! I don't remember stupid shit like that and only refer to minor characters by their proper names when some other character finally uses it in the current issue) can kill Vivian (who is left alone while the Justice League fights worms), Crimson Fox appears and stops him. But first she unmasks so he can see that she, Constance D'Aramis, never actually died. The revelation causes him to shit worms for some reason when he could just pull the trigger on his gun. I don't think Crimson Fox can use her pheromonal powers to make bullets miss her.
The leader of the cult who killed Crimson Fox's mother realizes Vivian survived and loses his shit. Apparently the worms can't be out past dawn or else something apocalyptic will happen. My guess is that they stop being controlled and/or they wither and dehydrate and die. Whatever the case, the leader's cult members all run for cover. I guess they don't like money as much as I thought they did! Sure, they back this leader when he's destroying their competition. But when he goes crazy and risks everything for a personal vendetta, they can't have his back?! What are they going to do? Go back to the non-giant worm real world and run their businesses legitimately?! Losers.
Before Maurice (that's the cult leader's name! I don't remember stupid shit like that and only refer to minor characters by their proper names when some other character finally uses it in the current issue) can kill Vivian (who is left alone while the Justice League fights worms), Crimson Fox appears and stops him. But first she unmasks so he can see that she, Constance D'Aramis, never actually died. The revelation causes him to shit worms for some reason when he could just pull the trigger on his gun. I don't think Crimson Fox can use her pheromonal powers to make bullets miss her.
Wait. Can I not tell the difference between Vivian and Constance? Or can Vivian not tell which twin she is?!
Some people might think, "Well, obviously you don't know which Crimson Fox is which. You just got done saying how you don't remember anybody's names until they're used in the comic book!" But other, more smarter people, might think, "Letterers fuck this shit up all the time! This is totally [INSERT THE NAME OF WHOEVER THE LETTERER IS]'s fault!" But me? I like to think twins get so confused that they never really know which one they are.
Maurice spends too long shooting at (and missing) the Crimson Foxes so, like a badly plotted vampire movie, the dawn catches him unawares! The worms are uncontrollable in the sun (Maurice screams, "The worms can't stand the sun!", just to make sure the dumbest of us comic book readers could follow along) and they wind up smooshing Maurice. Crimson Fox and Crimson Fox watch from the woods and smile. Then they probably kiss.
The rest of the cult watch Maurice die after which they shrug their shoulders and one of them says, "Well, our, um 'club' is much better off now! That guy was crazy. And, like, those worms always creeped me out so I'm glad they shriveled in the sun. But now we can't destroy our enemies' buildings so I guess we're going to need to learn some new Druid magic!" Then they drive away in their BMW with the bumper sticker that says, "My other car is a sheep."
The Justice League head back to headquarters just in time to find Kilowog leaving to help the stranger who came searching for him last issue. It turns out it's a guy with a starfish stuck to his face. And Kilowog wants to help the guy?! What's happened to Starro? Has he turned over a new arm full of suction cups? Does he only accept willing hosts now so nobody can accuse him of manipulating his hosts? I guess I'll find out next issue!
Justice League Europe #25 Rating: B+. I'm upset one of the Crimson Foxes didn't die mostly because that means I was incorrect with my speculation about the editors making sure to kill one of them after the accent continuity was fixed. But I guess that doesn't mean that I was wrong about why they revealed there were two Crimson Foxes! I'm still fairly certain they only did that because sometimes she had an accent and sometimes she didn't and fans noticed. Although instead of making two Crimson Foxes, the editor could have just said, "Sometimes the letterer doesn't feel like doing a phonetic transcription to express the accent! We just assumed the readers, knowing Crimson Fox has a strong French accent, would just hear it in their heads!" Or they could have just used my favorite answer when somebody asks why something contradicts some story from earlier or how a character can achieve some insane feat: "Fuck you, it's comic books!"
Maurice spends too long shooting at (and missing) the Crimson Foxes so, like a badly plotted vampire movie, the dawn catches him unawares! The worms are uncontrollable in the sun (Maurice screams, "The worms can't stand the sun!", just to make sure the dumbest of us comic book readers could follow along) and they wind up smooshing Maurice. Crimson Fox and Crimson Fox watch from the woods and smile. Then they probably kiss.
The rest of the cult watch Maurice die after which they shrug their shoulders and one of them says, "Well, our, um 'club' is much better off now! That guy was crazy. And, like, those worms always creeped me out so I'm glad they shriveled in the sun. But now we can't destroy our enemies' buildings so I guess we're going to need to learn some new Druid magic!" Then they drive away in their BMW with the bumper sticker that says, "My other car is a sheep."
The Justice League head back to headquarters just in time to find Kilowog leaving to help the stranger who came searching for him last issue. It turns out it's a guy with a starfish stuck to his face. And Kilowog wants to help the guy?! What's happened to Starro? Has he turned over a new arm full of suction cups? Does he only accept willing hosts now so nobody can accuse him of manipulating his hosts? I guess I'll find out next issue!
Justice League Europe #25 Rating: B+. I'm upset one of the Crimson Foxes didn't die mostly because that means I was incorrect with my speculation about the editors making sure to kill one of them after the accent continuity was fixed. But I guess that doesn't mean that I was wrong about why they revealed there were two Crimson Foxes! I'm still fairly certain they only did that because sometimes she had an accent and sometimes she didn't and fans noticed. Although instead of making two Crimson Foxes, the editor could have just said, "Sometimes the letterer doesn't feel like doing a phonetic transcription to express the accent! We just assumed the readers, knowing Crimson Fox has a strong French accent, would just hear it in their heads!" Or they could have just used my favorite answer when somebody asks why something contradicts some story from earlier or how a character can achieve some insane feat: "Fuck you, it's comic books!"
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