Jesus Fucking Christ, DC Comics. We get it! Harley Quinn is in this comic book!
Saturday night, my mother called because she was excited about the upcoming The Walking Dead premiere. Once again, she wanted to know who I thought was going to be killed. By this time, I couldn't even remember who all of the choices were! I just knew it wouldn't be a black character because The Walking Dead might not survive killing off yet another black character. Here's the scenario I suggested to my own mother: Negan would bash Maggie in the stomach, pull out her fetus, toss it in the air, and bat it into the woods with Lucille. The Walking Dead did not go with that scenario. Too bad for them. I think that would have made great television!
The previous issues, the Suicide Squad had found themselves in a hopeless battle against Zod. If Amanda Waller knew that Zod was the target (which she must have because she's Goddamned Amanda Waller), she chose the worst team in the world to battle him. A clown with no super powers with an Australian accent. A clown with no super powers with a Brookyn accent. And some other people who aren't clowns but also do not have super powers. The only person who might stand a chance against Zod is Enchantress but she's crazy and uncontrollable and just as likely to kneel before Zod as she is to turn him into a toad.
As if battling Zod wasn't a big enough challenge, the Suicide Squad must now also battle several Russian metas with terrible names. Usually that means they've been created so that the Suicide Squad can kill them.
The previous issues, the Suicide Squad had found themselves in a hopeless battle against Zod. If Amanda Waller knew that Zod was the target (which she must have because she's Goddamned Amanda Waller), she chose the worst team in the world to battle him. A clown with no super powers with an Australian accent. A clown with no super powers with a Brookyn accent. And some other people who aren't clowns but also do not have super powers. The only person who might stand a chance against Zod is Enchantress but she's crazy and uncontrollable and just as likely to kneel before Zod as she is to turn him into a toad.
As if battling Zod wasn't a big enough challenge, the Suicide Squad must now also battle several Russian metas with terrible names. Usually that means they've been created so that the Suicide Squad can kill them.
Isn't the Phantom Zone a place without time? How did Zod grow such a fancy mustache in a timeless place? Maybe the timelessness is why it's such an out of date style of stache.
The Russian metas are called Tunguska, Tankograd, Gulag, and Cosmonut. One of them is unnamed unless the leader simply calls himself The Annihilation Brigade. Also, I didn't typo "Cosmonut". That's the idiot's name. He looks like a giant hammer in a space suit who can only say the image of a peanut. I don't know what that sounds like but I assure you it's what he says.
Speaking of the walking dead, Amanda's new "assistant", Harcourt, comes to the conclusion that the Russian facility the Suicide Squad has invaded is Russia's own version of a Suicide Squad. Does that mean that every Russian meta who dies counts as a Suicide Squad death? Of course it doesn't! DC Comics can't fool me that easily! It might look like they're killing characters but it doesn't really count when they're made up for the story in which they die. It is possible the Annihilation Brigade have made an appearance somewhere in the past. But I've never heard of them and their names are just things that make you think of Russia. Tunguska is probably the most interesting because I can already imagine her backstory. And Cosmonut seems like the kind of character Garth Ennis would come up with so that he could torture him for sixty issues.
Flag and Hack manage to get Zod back in his Phantom Zone Sphere and Flag says, "For Boomerang." Why would he say that? Boomerang doesn't need Flag imprisoning Kryptonians for him! He could probably have done that himself if hes wasn't...wait. Where did Boomerang go? Oh, he probably ran off to hide in the bathroom during the fight.
I SAID HE'S HIDING IN THE BATHROOM!
Hack manages to pull everybody out via the Internet before the Russian Metas can reveal the name of their ghostly female member. The Squad pops out of the Internet back at Belle Reve with the Phantom Zone Sphere containing Zod. Apparently that was the plan the whole time. The only thing that went wrong was Captain Boomerang releasing Zod from the Sphere. However he managed to do that. Hack didn't remember to bring Captain Boomerang's smoking boots (which he totally jumped out of just before the heat vision almost hit him), so I imagine the Russians are going to clone Captain Boomerang and send the clone back to infiltrate the Squad. The real Captain Boomerang will just go retire to a tropical island in the back of my mind.
Once again, Jim Lee managed to get his twelve full pages done! Don't worry. He'll fall off pace soon enough and wind up doing the back-up stories. I don't know why DC thinks it's so important to have Jim Lee do the Suicide Squad. More often than not, his art is terrible masquerading as great. What I mean by that is he has a lot of fans who are terrible at art criticism.
The back-up story is about Flag and Harley Quinn. Rick Flag has decided it's time to test Harley's loyalties. Mostly she's proven loyal to the Squad because DC Comics can never again have a Suicide Squad that doesn't feature Harley Quinn because they've seen how much more money they make on this book with her in it. So what this story is supposed to do, I guess, is to justify her existence to the people who know she doesn't fit in this book at all. Although I thought Tim Seeley did a really nice job of making her an asset at the end of the last run of Suicide Squad. That must not count now since everything was Rebirthed.
In the story, Flag sacrifices half a dozen Suicide Squad Red Shirts to prove that Harley Quinn won't betray the Squad to The Joker. Or else the mission was real and just happened to be a perfect set-up to test her loyalty. Maybe the Red Shirts weren't actually killed and Harley just doesn't know how to properly check the vitals on suspiciously dead people. Anyway, Harley proves she won't betray Flag even if The Joker himself asks her to. I guess that's good to know. I'd say she still doesn't really fit on the team but Tim Seeley explained her role on the team. She's good at analyzing other super villains which makes her an asset in understanding how the opponents will react in combat. It didn't do much good on the trip to Russia though because of the cultural differences.
The Ranking!
1. Deathstork (1)
2. Suicide Squad (2)
Speaking of the walking dead, Amanda's new "assistant", Harcourt, comes to the conclusion that the Russian facility the Suicide Squad has invaded is Russia's own version of a Suicide Squad. Does that mean that every Russian meta who dies counts as a Suicide Squad death? Of course it doesn't! DC Comics can't fool me that easily! It might look like they're killing characters but it doesn't really count when they're made up for the story in which they die. It is possible the Annihilation Brigade have made an appearance somewhere in the past. But I've never heard of them and their names are just things that make you think of Russia. Tunguska is probably the most interesting because I can already imagine her backstory. And Cosmonut seems like the kind of character Garth Ennis would come up with so that he could torture him for sixty issues.
Flag and Hack manage to get Zod back in his Phantom Zone Sphere and Flag says, "For Boomerang." Why would he say that? Boomerang doesn't need Flag imprisoning Kryptonians for him! He could probably have done that himself if hes wasn't...wait. Where did Boomerang go? Oh, he probably ran off to hide in the bathroom during the fight.
I SAID HE'S HIDING IN THE BATHROOM!
Hack manages to pull everybody out via the Internet before the Russian Metas can reveal the name of their ghostly female member. The Squad pops out of the Internet back at Belle Reve with the Phantom Zone Sphere containing Zod. Apparently that was the plan the whole time. The only thing that went wrong was Captain Boomerang releasing Zod from the Sphere. However he managed to do that. Hack didn't remember to bring Captain Boomerang's smoking boots (which he totally jumped out of just before the heat vision almost hit him), so I imagine the Russians are going to clone Captain Boomerang and send the clone back to infiltrate the Squad. The real Captain Boomerang will just go retire to a tropical island in the back of my mind.
Once again, Jim Lee managed to get his twelve full pages done! Don't worry. He'll fall off pace soon enough and wind up doing the back-up stories. I don't know why DC thinks it's so important to have Jim Lee do the Suicide Squad. More often than not, his art is terrible masquerading as great. What I mean by that is he has a lot of fans who are terrible at art criticism.
The back-up story is about Flag and Harley Quinn. Rick Flag has decided it's time to test Harley's loyalties. Mostly she's proven loyal to the Squad because DC Comics can never again have a Suicide Squad that doesn't feature Harley Quinn because they've seen how much more money they make on this book with her in it. So what this story is supposed to do, I guess, is to justify her existence to the people who know she doesn't fit in this book at all. Although I thought Tim Seeley did a really nice job of making her an asset at the end of the last run of Suicide Squad. That must not count now since everything was Rebirthed.
In the story, Flag sacrifices half a dozen Suicide Squad Red Shirts to prove that Harley Quinn won't betray the Squad to The Joker. Or else the mission was real and just happened to be a perfect set-up to test her loyalty. Maybe the Red Shirts weren't actually killed and Harley just doesn't know how to properly check the vitals on suspiciously dead people. Anyway, Harley proves she won't betray Flag even if The Joker himself asks her to. I guess that's good to know. I'd say she still doesn't really fit on the team but Tim Seeley explained her role on the team. She's good at analyzing other super villains which makes her an asset in understanding how the opponents will react in combat. It didn't do much good on the trip to Russia though because of the cultural differences.
The Ranking!
1. Deathstork (1)
2. Suicide Squad (2)
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