Superman Loves Wonder Woman #28

The Review or Whatever!
If there were a machine that could give a person immortality but it only works 50% of the time while disintegrating the person the other 50% of the time, would you use it? Let's say it causes the person to be exactly as they are forever at the moment they use the machine. So do you risk it while you're still in your twenties and in your physical prime? Or do you gamble, year after year, that you won't die before getting a chance to gain immortality? Or do you just never use it at all? That's a pretty shitty percentage, isn't it? I suppose I could have made the percentage higher since it's just an imaginary machine I made up in my head but that didn't happen! What if you have a significant other or children? Say you survive the machine and are now immortal. Do you ask your spouse to take that chance as well? You've got a fifty/fifty chance at eternal happiness or eternal sorrow! Although, let's face it, the eternal happiness probably won't last more than ten, twenty years before you're wishing the machine killed them, right?

Since it's an imaginary machine, I can't answer the question myself. It's too difficult. I would definitely be afraid to use it! I'd probably keep putting it off until I eventually fall off of a ladder and break my neck. Stupid machine. How dare you taunt me with immortality!

Although what good is immortality if, some day, the sun is just going to consume the Earth? I suppose even with our current technology, we could leave the planet. If you're immortal, who cares how long it takes to get anywhere! Although I imagine everybody would be really cold and hungry by the time we got somewhere. Or we'd crash into a star. Or be destroyed by interstellar flotsam. Or fall into a black hole. I suppose the immortality wouldn't provide invulnerability as well, so I guess when you finally just get tired of living and you've read every book ever and had been disappointed by the last five thousand new Call of Duty games, you could just put a bullet in your brain. Coward!

None of that has anything to do with Superman Loves Wonder Woman although I could ask Superman the same question since he's currently dying. Wonder Woman has just found out, so she probably wants to get one last fuck in. I imagine that's going to be the plot of this issue not because it's called "Last Kiss" but because Ed Benes is doing the art for it. I'm sure he wouldn't have taken the job if he wasn't going to be able to draw Wonder Woman's tits flopping all over the place.

Technically, Wonder Woman killed Superman! Superman has to die because DC Comics wrote themselves into a corner by having Superman date Wonder Woman! Now they can't figure out what to do with this mess so they have to kill him and let the Superman who's with Lois take over. Because that's something everybody can live with.

Wonder Woman asks Clark if he loves her and he pulls that trick where he kisses her as an answer so that he doesn't actually have to answer. What a dog! During the kiss, both Lois and Steve Trevor radio the heroes to tell them there's a Superman wannabe being held at ARGUS. Awkward!

When Superman and Wonder Woman get to ARGUS, Superman explains his Solar Flare power to anybody who knew to avoid reading Superman comic books during that time. Although those were probably the best Superman stories since Morrison's run on Action Comics. The Solar Flare power will probably be important to this story later which is why the reminder of what it is and how it works. Maybe it'll even save Clark's life but leave him powerless forever! So then Lois and Clark Superman will continue to be Superman but with Clark Kent still existing and writing terrible op ed pieces on Superman.

Superman decides to go speak with Ulysses because he won't have any answers. Why should he? Just because Fake Superman glows like Superman's Solar Power discharge and Ulysses was the first person covered with it? Oh, what am I saying? This is a comic book! Of course Ulysses will have some insight into what's going on! He probably walked around for a few days thinking he was Superman himself!

While Superman speaks with Ulysses, Fake Superman escapes from his cell. It's the moment Ed Benes was waiting for!

Oh yeah. Those are totally Ed Benes breasts.

Due to Fake Superman's escape, ARGUS loses power which allows Ulysses to get free. He takes it as a sign to get back to the fight against Superman which was interrupted by Superman's stupid new power. He just about kills Superman before Steve Trevor (being the only person working at ARGUS, I guess) restores the power by flipping a switch that instantly fixes whatever Fake Superman broke. Unless it just starts up the backup generator. Probably that one.

Fake Superman escapes but Ulysses is caught powerless again. He decides that's okay though because he realizes Superman is dying and that revelation totally makes his shitty life better.