Secret Six #13

Ferdie is checking out Strix's ass.

The Review or Whatever!
Secret Six stories always have titles that I never understand! It's like Gail Simone is all, "I'm so smart! I write fully realized characters dealing with actual themes and meaning and shit! Plus I drink tea and know everything there is to know about the television show Arrow! NARF!" And I'm over here thinking, "What does 'Violence of Silence' even mean?! How dumb am I?! Am I hurting people when I walk quietly down the street? Should I be screaming my fool head off?!" If this were a Geoff Johns book, I could just think, "I get it! Strix is mute and she kicks ass and 'silence' and 'violence' rhyme so that's a totally cool title! AWESOME! Geoff Johns for President of the Universe!" But since I know Gail Simone is way smarter than me, I get all nervous and insecure trying to understand her fancy-pants comic book writing skills. At least I know Geoff Johns has no idea what he's actually doing. That's comforting!

Your name is just League of Assassins! That doesn't sound old at all! What makes you sound old is having manservants named Milliford!

Shiva decides that the best thing to do to Strix now that Strix has agreed to join the League of Assassins is to torture her. To be fair to Shiva, she probably thinks she's in control and that Strix will react like every other jerk who ever wanted to be a member of the League of Old People. How can she not see that Strix only joined to protect her friends (who are now family?)?! Or maybe she does see that and she doesn't care because Shiva is arrogant enough to think that she's strong enough to break Strix. So Shiva gives Strix champagne (which Strix reacts to correctly because it is disgusting) and then throws her gnome off of the roof of the building.

Does the gnome shattering on the ground constitute a death of one of the members of Secret Six? Probably, right?

This issue is called "Silent Running". That's confusing because Strix is not a member of the Court of Roadrunners!

How dare Gail Simone try to redeem this guy! My hatred for this white male authority figure was the only emotion I had left!

Catman gets a call that there's a job that looks like a job for his sperm! His sperm are all, "Yay!" Onlookers are all, "Look! Up in the sky! Is that a bird? Is it a plane? No it's...eeewww."

Catman accepts but only if Scandal does him a favor. I bet that favor is she must remove his sperm with her mouth and spit it up into Knockout (or Stripper Knockout). Would that work? I think the science is pretty accurate.

The League of Assassins finally buy Strix a tablet so she doesn't have to keep scrawling notes with her ratty pad and her piece of hardened raccoon poop. Those Birds of Prey were cheap bastards! If it has wi-fi, I bet Strix spends the rest of the issue surfing for porn.

Strix's first assignment with the League is killing a bunch of actors who kind of look like the rest of the Secret Six if you squint just right and punch yourself in the vagina until your eyes tear up. If you don't have a vagina, your testicles will suffice.

Shiva is a Grandmaster too! We're practically twinsies! Although she's Grandmaster at killing people while I'm Grandmaster at reading comic books. Practically the same thing!

Strix kills all of the Secret Six surrogates and Shiva breathes a sigh of relief. Because now Shiva gets to leave the League! Except for that part where the Secret Six plus Scandal and Silver Banshee and Ragdoll will soon be crashing through the doors to get Strix out of there. And since it's the final issue (I think?), maybe they'll all die! You never know! If this were the New Suicide Squad, you would know that nobody would die. But this comic book has the potential for actual consequences! As long as Ferdie survives, I'll be okay with a few losses.