Superman Loves Wonder Woman #27

From what I've heard about Ben Affleck, this cover should have him coming up behind Henry Cavill and putting his balls on his neck.

Rating: No change.

I like these special Batman Loves Superman: Dawn of Just Us covers because they come with special inserts on which you can draw your own cover! So maybe I'll draw the Ben's balls thing later. I have to schedule enough time to also masturbate while drawing it because it's definitely going to make me horny.

So at the end of Action Comics #50, Superman got his powers back. He didn't just get his powers back though! No, he was killed and returned to life just like a proper savior should be! I guess technically he was never quite dead but he had given up on living as he fell into the Fortress of Solitude. And the title of the story was "Resurrection" just in case anybody missed the whole Christ analogy. Not that there was much of one. Although I have to wonder at the decision to give a story a name which spoils the ending of the story. Comic books love doing that and then they place the title and the credits after the story so as not to decrease the impact of the ending. My thought would be to maybe name the story something else. It's like asking somebody if they've heard a joke and describing the joke with the punch line.

You know what? I don't know why I ever think anybody in the comic book industry thinks anything through completely. Why do I even bother pondering any of their decisions?

Last issue, Vandal Savage made it explicit that villains and heroes should have plans rather than relying on punching everything. So this issue begins with his son doing this:

If you really wanted to make your father proud, Tiny-head Savage, you'd be sitting at a library desk with a nice desk lamp lighting up your legal pad full of ideas to bring down Superman. Although the librarian might take umbrage with you screaming "For father!" in the library.

Wonder Woman's plan to combat this oaf is the same thing she asks of Superman during fuck sessions: "fast and furious." Great advice, Diana! I mean, in the bedroom, spot on. You say "fast and furious" and I know to pull a hamstring pounding you into the recliner from behind. But when you pull out that command in a punch-off, don't you think Superman's going to get a little confused? And I'm fairly certain it's a bit difficult to fight while concealing a boner. Especially when you're wearing Kryptonian Lycra.

The title of this story is "Slam Bang" which only has me even more confused and erect. Shouldn't Tomasi have saved the title for the last page because now the whole issue is spoiled! Well, almost spoiled. Definitely one of two things is about to happen and I'm hoping it's not a fist fight with Vandal Savage's children.

Here's Clark's reaction to Wonder Woman's advice:

Batman was right in Action Comics #50. It's a good thing you have friends, Superman, because your plans are shit.

The first nine pages of this issue are nearly all splash pages. Technically they aren't but fuck technically. This is just a big ass brawl. It's a good thing Superman got his powers back since this is the only method of conflict resolution he's capable of.

By the way, Hal Jordan is along to help. Why wasn't he here earlier to stop the comet? Vandal's whole thirty thousand year old plan would have went to shit in twenty seconds! It's possible Hal was also captured with the rest of the Justice League even if that makes no sense because he hasn't really been a part of the League for years now.

During the brawl, Vandal Savage straps on an improvised jet pack and flies off to become Super Vandal Savage by visiting his comet. I suppose that's for the battle that will take place in Superman #50. I hope Vandal has a better plan than "get super powerful and punch Superman to death" because I may have to call him a hypocrite if that happens. Or an unthinking plebe? How about a run-of-the-mill American?

Superman flies after Vandal while Vandal's kids all explode. Whoops! Maybe Vandal should have stuck around to make sure his kids survived being irradiated by the comet. But Superman will save him! I mean beat him! I mean save him! I mean...well shit. I don't know what I mean. I think there will be a lot of punching though.

I'm obsessed with the amount of punching in Superman comic books now! I mean, I've been obsessed with it for a long time. I'm constantly pointing out how Superman stories have basically become a huge physical threat attacks and punches Superman. Superman says something like "I actually felt that!" so that readers know how strong the threat is. Then Superman punches the threat into submission anyway. Afterward he waits for the next biggest physical threat to ever threaten the galaxy to attack. I guess if, taking into account all space and time, it's an infinite universe then that means there are infinite threats each stronger than the last! Superman isn't the strongest person in the universe at all! He's just got more heart! That reminds me. I hope he gave Metallo his Kryptonite heart back.

This issue ends with Superman and Vandal punching each other in space while Vandal's comet crashes down around them. So next issue? Superman punches Vandal Savage into submission! And if that plan fails, don't worry! Because he's got friends!