The Omega Men #6

If you're not reading this comic book, you're missing out on the best DC Comics of the year.

If I owned a comic book shop, I would have the first six issues of Omega Men displayed proudly behind the counter because the covers are fantastic. Then I would point out how everybody should probably be buying The Omega Men from my store. Then I would make fun of all of the other comic books they've purchased. Then they would never shop at my store again. Then I would go bankrupt. Then I would write a note saying, "I regret nothing except the fact that I was too stupid to regret anything and make some serious changes in my life!" Then I would hang myself from the rafters. Then I would be found months later because nobody shopped at my comic book shop anymore because I committed the cardinal sin of critiquing their purchases.

I'm not a great businessman.

Apparently Primus, Tigorr, and Kalista were not killed at the end of the last issue when they were ambushed inside the Church of Changralyn. They've been captured instead which seems like something terrorists don't want to happen. I guess their living suicide bomb Kyle didn't manage to go off when the first responders arrived. It's also possible they have a different plan for Kyle but it doesn't involve drawing comic books so they needed to get into a position to retrieve his ring.

Or the entire movement could just be a viral campaign to sell more breakfast cereal.

Kyle Rayner is currently getting the bomb removed from his throat while the rest of the Omega Men (minus Scrapps and the Doc who escaped, and Broot who died and went to hell (maybe?)) are being questioned as to why they needed him for their terrorist activities. That's probably a mistake. It's possible The Citadel didn't get the memo that this comic book has been allowed to run twelve issues which means letting The Omega Men live for any reason is a bad idea. Although people in power are generally filled with the kind of hubris that makes them think things like, "This comic book is going to last another six issues. So I guess I have six issues to torture the Omega Men before I kill them since they certainly will not escape our clutches at all!" Another likely scenario is that none of the characters actually know they're in a comic book at all.

Scrapps and Doc are headed for the one planet in the Vega System not under the thumb of The Citadel. The planet Hyn'xx has managed to escape well-meaning government occupation which would bring sorely needed supplies, technology, protection, civilization, and a general sense of safety and well-being by erecting a shield around their planet to keep everybody away. No wait. That's the planet Voorl! The planet Hyn'xx is the one where everybody was allowed to do whatever they wanted to do because they knew about bread and buttering the right side and maybe also sucking government cock and showering it with loads of the local currency and precious metals. But the planet isn't what Scrapps and Doc are interested in. They're just following a radio signal being emitted by the locator that was placed in Kyle Rayner's neck. And that signal leads them right to the satellite headquarters of the leader of The Citadel. I forget what he's called. Probably Imperator or Emperor or Perfectly Legitimate Democratically Elected Leader.

I bet Gandhi would have secretly loved this book.

Scrapps invades the space station as Kalista remembers the time she recruited Scrapps, Primus and Tigorr remember when they were recruited by Kalista, and Kyle Rayner prays. It seems as if Kalista's plan for the total destruction of The Citadel began to seriously manifest after she met Scrapps. And it seems Scrapps told her what really happened to Voorl. It's beginning to sound a lot like planetary genocide and less like total resistance. And possibly only Scrapps escaped. Can she be the new Lobo?

Scrapps rescues the Omega Men while murdering a lot of good government soldiers. They need the key and Kyle Rayner to enact their plan (and probably Rayner's White Lantern ring) but Kyle has escaped thanks to the power of prayer. Or maybe the power of struggling with his bonds and breaking free due to increased adrenaline and overloading systems? Whatever. I'm sure either way it was a miracle and the will of God.

I'm actually glad Kalista makes a point of acknowledging that this is all just their plan gone completely fubar as they try to salvage it the best they can. It's kind of refreshing to have a leader without a plan that only an omniscient being could have really pulled off. Tom King understands the crutches of comic book writing tropes and refuses to be a part of the system. He's like...well, I can't think of something to compare him to but I'm sure it's staring me right in the face.

As the space station falls out of orbit, The Omega Men search for Rayner while Rayner, presumably, searches for his ring. He knows it's on the finger of Lord High Dildo. The ring is probably the only thing that will save the terrorists at this point. Do I want the terrorists to survive? I'm not sure I've seen enough violence and destruction to be convinced that their world is better than a world where I'm constantly told that I'm safe as long as I continue to not complain about how shitty the people in authority treat everybody else. Best to just stick my nose in books and video games and pretend the rest of the universe doesn't exist and cannot intrude to damage my perception that everything is perfectly fine.

The space station crashes into the planet's surface. It was a partially controlled descent which is the excuse I'm making up to believe that everybody survived. It might not look like they all survived but Kalista is speaking when Kyle Rayner finds her to explain that it's their chance to get away while the terrorists are unconscious and probably not dead at all because The Omega Men don't have that many members to burn through in the first half of the story. Kyle apparently still buys the whole Kalista is a hostage nonsense. So the bomb comes to Kalista and now she can finish her plan if she doesn't die from internal bleeding first.

The Omega Men #6 Rating: +2 Ranking. I've been reading all of DC's comics for the past four years now and I've come to this conclusion: comic books should stop with the open-ended series business. Giving a writer a job where all they really need is a title or premise or character as the premise for their ongoing book just encourages them to vomit up any old bullshit story they can think of to make their deadlines. Sprinkle in some nonsense hooks that may or may not play out during each story to make the reader believe more is going on than just an overpowered fist fight and a writer thinks they're doing a great fucking job. I'm more than a little bit sick of reading what amounts to writing an essay the night before it's due. I suppose I can choose to read more actual books, or more independent comic books, or just watch movies! But I like mainstream superhero comic books. Unless I just like writing shit about them? No, I think I really like them for some reason I can't quite make up. I just want more mainstream superhero comic books like The Omega Men. I want stories which have been plotted out and which take place in fleshed out worlds with motivated characters. I want less books like Cullen Bunn's Aquaman and more books like Tom King's anything he writes. Or more books like the original twenty issues of Elfquest! Maybe the real problem is that I'm not fangendering correctly. I'm supposed to not give a shit about the story and just love characters so much that I buy whatever they appear in and then bitch and moan constantly when a writer isn't writing them to my perceived notion of the correct way to write the character. I think, maybe, I want too much from the medium. Maybe I should just reread everything by Chris Ware.