Grayson #15

Is this Owlwashing Robins or Robinwashing Owls?

Just about every teenager in Gotham has decided that they're now a Robin. Probably one out of every hundred of them wants to make Gotham a better place. The other 99 are just Robin Scenesters that want to be a part of whatever the hell the We Are Robin movement is. It doesn't matter to me which ones are taking it seriously because the bottom line is that if somebody presents as a Robin, they're a Robin. Who gets to determine what's the right reason for dressing up as a Robin and running around at night pretending to be useful? I mean, who besides Damian, Jason, Tim, and Dick! And they only have the right to determine what makes somebody a Robin because Batman is on an emotional vacation with some woman named Julie Madison who is totally going to break his heart and awaken the bat within. But that won't happen for another couple of months so it's the Bat-kids who have to straighten out this Robin Revolution.

"First, let's work on making stupid and inappropriate comments while on the brink of death!"

Shouldn't Duke mention the weird perv who runs the Nest? I really think Alfred should be a part of this. And probably Batcow.

Dick has decided it's up to the original Robins to train all of these new Robins. He can't be serious! Surely all of these Robins aren't cut out for the job. He should let Damian punch all of them in the face before training begins so they know what they're in for. Not that they need to be prepared for being punched in the face. They need to be prepared for Damian wanting to constantly punch them all in the face and occasionally following through with his desires.

The first piece of equipment Robin School should invest in is a Lazarus Pit.

While Red Robin begins training the Robins in the art of Piñata Style, the comic offers up some flashbacks to when the Bat-kids were enjoying some hamburgers and making me super hungry for comic book hamburgers. They look so delicious! I wonder if I could get Mikel Janin to grill me some hamburgers. Would that be the same thing? Although I think their conversation is more important than the hamburgers. Dick's idea is to train the Robins so that they can see which ones are cut out for the job. Damian will scare the other ones back to their parents.

I hate to quibble but I always thought the summary of Robin was two words: child endangerment.

Jason Todd teaches some Robins how to steal tires off of cars. They don't have a Batmobile to practice on so they're sent to steal tires off of mob cars. That's less dangerous. I think. To get to the cars, the Robins all leap to their death off of a roof. Maybe jumping from a great height without dying was the first lesson Alfred Pedoworth taught them.

Granted, confidence is important. Although you know what other Robins had confidence? Jason Todd, Damian Wayne, and Troy Walker. RIP Dax.

Apparently I'm accepting these We Are Robin kids because I didn't need to look up Troy's last name (except to fact check that I came up with the correct name) and I remembered Dax was the one with the wrench and the Mohican.

Damian decides to point out that all of these kids are weak because they weren't born strong. That's a pathetic argument but then Damian is a ten year old who thinks he knows a lot more than he actually does. Dick disagrees with him politely instead of rolling his eyes and saying, "tt." Dick also points out that he wasn't born strong but had it given to him. The others think he's talking about how Batman gave him strength but he's probably alluding to how he was meant to be a Talon.

Izzy's got it! Being a Robin means getting beat to hell while saying stupid shit and asking, "Is that all you've got?!"

Dick battles Duke Thomas and finds out that Duke is almost as smart as Lex Luthor! He figured out that the original Robin must have been Nightwing and now this guy with no face must be Dick Grayson. It's a bit convoluted in that the main step in his logic is that "Nightwing looks like grown up Robin" but whatever. He's only one Lex Luthorian step away from realizing Bruce Wayne is Batman! Good thing Duke is only interested in being a Robin and not a member of the Justice League.

Red Robin and Dre go on an investigative mission, Red Hood and Dax go on a confidence mission, Izzy and Damian go on a suffering mission, and Duke and Dick hang out on a gargoyle together. The rest of the Robins are supposed to be training but they're probably just sitting around going, "Fucking bullshit. What does Izzy have that I don't? And fucking Dax, man?! So what. Fuckin' dick can change a tire. Big deal! This is bullshit."

It doesn't really matter what all the missions are because they're just all different ways to make sure everybody winds up in jail. Dick set everybody up so he knew they'd be safe while he figures out how to control this Robin Revolution and make it palatable for the Gotham Police and Commissioner Batman. The other Bat-kids might be pissed now but Dick needs them in jail with all of the other half-trained Robins. Dick Grayson really is a good replacement for Batman, isn't he?!

I wish I could come up with a good plan to stick my family in jail too!

Dick jumps off of the building leaving Duke to be arrested. He also mutters something about taking care of his family. Like how I'd like to take care of my family, right?! Also an Owl watches from the thirteenth floor of the building, wringing his hands and laughing maniacally.

Grayson #15 Rating: +1 Ranking. If you're into Robins then you'll enjoy this comic book. If you're weirdly into Robins like Alfred Pedoworth then maybe you should stop being a creepy motherfucker. Speaking of Alfred Pedoworth, he was the only thing noticeably lacking in this issue. The We Are Robin kids needed this moment where they're made "official" by the other Robins and brought into the Bat-family. But shouldn't Alfred have been monitoring this meeting? It's possible he's working with Dick in Dick's overall plan to get every Robin in history completely pissed off at him. That's probably why Batgirl wasn't a part of this; she's already gotten past being pissed at Dick and would have soured the bad mood (you know, by making it good! Maybe that's ripening the bad mood?). Now that every teenager in Gotham is in prison, Dick Grayson can do his job without interruption. Although if he thinks sticking Tim, Damian, and Jason in prison together while having Duke explain to them why they're there will somehow keep them put, he's got another think coming. Always the fucking optimist, isn't he? My guess is the jail cells at the Gotham Police Department are going to need to soon be rebuilt by Wayne Prison Construction and Skylight Repair.