Starfire #4

I can't wait to see what kind of wacky hijinks Starfire's vagina gets up to this issue.

Last issue, Starfire's Vagina met a new friend from the Underworld named Atlee's Butthole. She's a superhero too! But she has lived in the dark all of her life while Starfire's Vagina has lived in the sun her entire life! So they're complete opposites! I hope they become roommates so that they can constantly argue about the correct way to live in an apartment with another person. Starfire's Vagina will be all, "We must keep the shades up all of the time, especially when we are disrobing or walking naked out of the shower!" And Atlee's Butthole will be all, "We must always turn off all of the lights and never open any windows ever and also maybe dig a hole in the backyard to sleep in." Along with Starfire's Vagina's inability to comprehend anything, the comic book will become the most hilarious sit-comic book ever! I'm also hoping for a crazy love triangle between Atlee's Butthole, Starfire's Vagina, and Sol's Penis.

Currently the Best Friends From Opposite Ends are battling a subterranean monster called a Chida. It grows bigger any time it is hit with a starbolt so Starfire's Vagina is completely useless against it. But Atlee's Butthole might have some tricks up its sleeve!

Atlee's Butthole has a nice set of sleeves.

The Chida Monster has been sent to kill Atlee's Butthole because she refused to marry for political reasons. Atlee's Butthole is all, "What kind of cheap floozy would marry somebody she didn't love when the person she truly loved was standing right next to her begging her not to get married? Okay, maybe not begging exactly but looking super miserable while his mute friend with the huge sideburns looked on and signed, 'You stupid fucking asshole! Speak up already! Stop this travesty of a ceremony! Stop being such a spineless jerk and tell your true love how you feel!' Could you imagine how much pain that trampy tart would cause to her lover and all of her friends back home?! I could never do something so despicable!" But the Chida Monster just shrugs and continues to try to kill her because he doesn't understand love and probably never will because he's a monster and only Belle loves monsters and she's already married.

Atlee's Butthole creates a giant fist out of rock which throws the Chida Monster many miles to the west where Starfire's Vagina is waiting to catch it so that she can drown it in the Big Gulp of Mexico. Once Atlee's Butthole expels the Chida Monster from Key West, she explains her origin story to Sheriff Prudish McBuzzkill.

Atlee's Butthole came from an underground kingdom to wag her finger at humans and tell them to stop ruining the Earth. She lived with Power Girl's Boobs for awhile which explains the Boob Window in her costume. But Power Girl's Boobs wasn't human herself, so Atlee's Butthole moved to Key West where it could barely survive by working as a waitress, leaving her no time to wag her finger at the humans.

Meanwhile, Starfire's Vagina shoots the Chida Monster until it grows too big to swim and sinks it to the bottom of the ocean and even lower because it lands in a crack in the ground. The story is only halfway over though. So I guess now Starfire's Vagina can have some hilarious misunderstandings because her grasp of English isn't as good as her grasp of doing it.

Oh Sheriff Prudish McBuzzkill!

Sheriff Prudish McBuzzkill is probably just scared that Atlee's Butthole is going to steal the Sheriff's new best friend, Starfire's Vagina. I'm sure she doesn't have to worry since Starfire's Vagina has enough love to accept everyone into her warm embrace (especially Sol's Penis!).

Oh! I forgot there was another plot thread lying around the island. The evil Dick Grayson Look-a-like who killed the crew of a cruise ship is up to no good which is a bad thing because people in Key West hate having to deal with not good things. It's practically why they live there. He kidnaps some guy for probably nefarious and possibly sexy purposes with his hypnotism powers. And that's all the time this issue has for Evil Dick Grayson! Now it's time to look at Starfire's Vagina and Atlee's Butthole in their bikinis.

Sol's Penis is probably going to steal some of Starfire's Vagina's underwear.

Meanwhile on Tamaran, Komand'r has hired an interstellar tracker to find her sister, Koriand'r's Vagina. Sheriff McBuzzkill will probably not like that.

Back in Key West, Starfire's Vagina tries to shower with Sol's Penis, eats a Philly Cheesesteak for the first time, runs into Handy Man Eye Candy, and possibly ruins Handy Man Eye Candy's relationship with his girlfriend. It's all done quite innocently because Starfire's Vagina doesn't know any better (which is the best way to not know things). Finally she meets Evil Dick Grayson who introduces himself as Soren which is a good thing because I forgot his name. He offers Starfire's Vagina a beer which Atlee's Butthole informed Starfire's Vagina last issue was a mating ritual. I hope that means next issue will be twenty pages of adult material!

Starfire #4 Rating: No change. This comic book is absolutely beautiful. The characters are all gorgeously rendered. The backgrounds are never lacking in detail. The colors are vibrant. The letters are all placed in the correct order so that I can read the words they represent. It's worth the cover price just to look at it. The writing is doing everything I need a comic book writer to do and I can't complain. The cast of characters is diverse and interesting. Plot threads are lying all over the place waiting to be picked up. And I suppose if you're willing to forget how long Starfire has actually been on Earth and how much she should have already picked up by now, Starfire is a likeable fish-out-of-water character, even if she comes off as a little dumber than she probably is. She's sweet and friendly. She's innocent not in the way you'd think of a child being innocent but in the way that she isn't restrained by cultural mores or guilt. She's not quick to see malice in anybody's actions and she's eager to help. Even if this Starfire has some characteristics that could be seen as flaws by long time fans of the character, I think it's refreshing to have a non-grim, non-angry, non-macho-bullshit super hero that sees the kindness in people and just wants to help her new community.