Gotham By Midnight #6

The Joker versus The Spectre. Has that ever happened?

This issue begins with the Midnight Shift mourning the loss of Justine the nun. I don't know why. She's with her husband now, right? They attend the funeral and, afterward, Jim Corrigan has the right attitude. "I hate funerals," he scowls. Damn right. Fuck funerals. I mean the usual funerals that we all eventually just get roped into because nobody wants to deal with all the bureaucracy of burial shit when they've just lost a loved one. At my grandmother's funeral (on my mother's side), the priest (or whatever. Fuck if I know anything about the nomenclature of church henchmen) gave his "eulogy" for her. Although he didn't know anything about her because who knows the last time she had any connection to any church in her city. I'm fairly certain she just slowly became an agnostic after many years of observing hatred and racism by other people in her church who professed to be Catholic. But this priest's eulogy was based on having Googled her name. Then he spoke about what her name meant and how it probably represented who she was. I'm still disappointed with myself that I didn't stand up and just tell him to shut the fuck up. Her family knew who she was and didn't need to say anything out loud to the other family in the room. The only person to get up to speak was a hyper-religious cousin whose only story of my grandmother was how when my grandmother was sick in the hospital and afraid of dying (she lived and later, eventually, died at home), this cousin convinced my grandmother to accept Jesus Christ as her lord and savior. So her entire story about my grandmother was how she, this cousin, used my grandmother's fear and desperation to tic off another name in the "Saved" column. Fucking piece of shit. I should have stood up and told her to shut the fuck up!

Funerals need some serious competition. Enough with this religious monopoly on death! I think I'm going to open up a paint gun arena where your loved one's ashes are mixed into paint ball pellets. Then the deceased's loved ones and friends can spend the day chasing each other around and shooting each other with their dead friend, sibling, mother, or son.

James wants to go raise a glass to Justine because everything makes James want to go raise a glass. He's such a stereotype. But instead the Midnight Shift has to go investigate some strange goings on at the Powers Corporation. Hey! That's where they designed the Honey Bunny Bat Armor!

All Rook cares about is getting the proper receipts! Document, document, document, people!

While everybody is pointing fingers at the Spectre and saying things like, "HOLY FUCKING SHIT DUDE!", James Corrigan decides he should clear all of the airs. So he's all, "You think I'm scary?! Drake is a fucking Banshee! She screams, somebody dies! So don't fucking jump out at her from the closet, you bozos!" I wonder if it's any scream or if it's a particular kind of wail? I wonder if she can do it any time she wants or if it's just somebody's impending death which makes her scream? I wish I had a Banshee scream! But only if you could choose the victim. I don't want one of those monkey paw banshee screams that is all, "So, you want somebody to die, do you? How about...your favorite porn star! Ah ha ha ha ha!"

Tarr, the guy that can speak Ancient Gibberish, has wandered into the church to chastise Jesus Christ. As if He cares! Some nerd is going to question His choices? Please! Jesus was crucified a virgin, man! You think it could get any worse than that?! Okay, so maybe he wasn't a virgin. It's not like The Bible talks about anything he was up to in his teens and his twenties. Those are prime years for putting your penis in other people's orifices! God was probably, "Okay son. You have this many years to do whatever you want and I promise I won't document any of it. Sure, some crackpots might come along and write about your life during those years but I'll make sure all that shit gets labeled as apocrypha, got it? Now go have fun because you are in for some wild shit when you get to your thirties!"

The team winds up at the Powers Corporation which reminds me I have those old Power Company books by Kurt Busiek to read which reminds me that Kurt Busiek came into my comic shop last Wednesday while I was buying comic books. He was busy talking with the owner so I didn't suck his dick at all. Although I probably owe him at least a handjob with a little ass play simply for writing Astro City.

This guy Jenner they meet at the Power Corporation says their new Powerwatch will sell "billions" by the end of the month. That guy is delusional. Who is buying all of these expensive watches?! I hope he isn't in charge of anything more important than bullshit press releases or human resources or this company is in trouble. The company might be in trouble anyway since a ghost is haunting it. And it's not a cute ghost that just creates cold spots and rocks rocking chairs. It's a ghost that screams and sprays blood and causes pieces of human hearts to materialize in the throats of employees. It's one of those ghosts that everybody is afraid of, even people who sometimes sing that they ain't afraid of them.

He probably had a stroke after the twentieth time hearing Jenner repeat that the Powerwatch will sell billions in a month. Even if everybody in the United States bought one of your stupid watches which most of them can't afford anyway, you'd still not even be close to selling your first billion, you dumb asshole! I have a headache!

While Jim investigates the clock on the wall which he saw in a vision earlier, it begins to bleed. Then the ghost appears and screams, "ALL HANDS". Then it writes "Return on investment" on the wall which is a dead giveaway that Jenner and the Powers Corporation killed the man from too much stress. Plus they forced him to take speed to stay awake for days on end because it's always beneficial to your overall product to have somebody with severe sleep deprivation on speed making crucial design decisions on an upcoming product. I bet he built in a button that zaps demons and another one that creates white noise to drown out the voices in your head and an application that translates the weird creature speaking nonsense in the corner of the room. Hmm, now I want that watch.

Meanwhile, Manhunter stops by with some hot DC Lawyer action for Lieutenant Weaver (I'm always surprised when I spell Lieutenant right on the first try!) and the Midnight Shift!.

They better have those Jeezly Crow receipts handy!

Gotham By Midnight #6 Rating: No change. This was like one of those episodes of The X-Files that you know is just padding the season with a so-so mystery but filling up some of the space around that mystery with information applicable to the overarching relationship between Fox and Dana. What I mean is, in general, it was probably forgettable but some of the scenes will be remembered but in the context where a person mentioning the scene will be all, "I don't remember if it happened during Interview with Jose Chung or Postmodern Prometheus?" Although it obviously wouldn't have happened during either of those because the person speaking would obviously have both of those episodes completely memorized!