Constantine the Hellblazer #2

I hate when I write I hate when this happens jokes.

Last issue we learned that John Constantine will do it with anything. And I don't mean males and females. I mean demons and small business owners. Ugh, can you imagine the after-doing-it conversations with either of those? "Souls are so easy to come by in this day and age that they've lost all value!" "Satan is such a gropey jerk!" "I can't afford health insurance!"

Do people have conversations with each other after doing it? I imagine I'd be too embarrassed to even acknowledge the other person's existence afterward. I would probably lie there with my eyes shut really tightly thinking, "Go away! Go away! Go away! Don't rate my performance! Please go away and never speak to me again!" I bet that's what everybody does after doing it, right?

This issue begins with Constantine drinking alone in his apartment full of ghosts. He's got a copy of the Kama Sutra and a poster of Black Canary's band on the floor. Does every character in the DCyou have to own a Black Canary poster now? And the Kama Sutra? Has anybody ever read Richard F. Burton's translation of that thing? Here's an excerpt for you:

The following women are not to be enjoyed: a leper; a lunatic; a woman turned out of caste; a woman who reveals secrets; a woman who publicly expresses desire for sexual intercourse; a woman who is extremely white; a woman who is extremely black; a bad-smelling woman; a woman who is a near relation; a woman who is a female friend; a woman who leads the life of an ascetic; and, lastly the wife of a relation, of a friend, of a learned Brahman, and of the king.

I thought the book was supposed to tell me how to have lots and lots of crazy sex! But instead it's limiting me to sex with a young, mute, slightly tanned stranger that has just taken a bath and doesn’t want to have sex with me! I guess that's why John does it with demons and small business owners.

One of John's ghost acquaintances named Frank recently died again. Meaning he died as a ghost. Meaning he doesn't exist anymore at all. The other ghosts don't want to complete their dying experience like poor Frank so they're hoping John can keep them in this state of Limbo where they get to retain some sense of self. John's idea is to become a ghostbusterbuster. He ain't afraid of no ghost's buster! But the ghosts are so they abandon him. So now John has to take the reader on a tour of the haunted places of New York tracking down more ghosts so he can use them as bait to capture the ghostbuster.

His stroll eventually leads him to this guy who is sure to be a minor character throughout the length of this series. At least he'd better be!

Mister Rumor leads John to a nice juicy paranormal Whole Foods where he finally collects enough power and souls to summon the Ghostbuster (I finally feel it's real enough for a capital letter although maybe it needs a name that won't get me sued?). John being John (which is a statement that makes more sense than it would seem), he approaches the task at hand in an off-hand, arrogant, and leisurely manner. Then he almost craps his pants when the Ghostbuster appears.

It's goal is to destroy all of the cute little haunted New England Bed and Breakfasts. Which is fine by me! Hopefully it destroys the non-haunted ones too.

The Ghostbuster busts Gaz and then leaves. But it doesn't bust him instantly. No, it allows him a few seconds to chastise Constantine for being nothing but an echo of his former human self. Which echoes Constantine's earlier bit about the ghosts being echoes of their living selves. See? It's showing how John has lost more humanity than the ghosts have lost. That must be why ghosts like to hang out with him. They don't realize he's not one of them.

John realizes he can't do this one on his own which Gaz tried to tell him but Constantine was too arrogant to listen. Now he has to go back to London to meet up with somebody named Georgie who just might have the knowledge needed to defeat the Ghostbuster.

Constantine the Hellblazer #2 Rating: No change. This book may not have the promise of unedited swears and nudity like the old Vertigo book but it does manage to have lots of edited swears and the occasional ass! So that's promising, right? What it also has is the feel of Hellblazer. This is Constantine in Constantine's world as opposed to some smoking guy who knows magic mucking about with super heroes. This is John exploring and explaining his world instead of just spouting the name of some ancient spell and explaining how it's super dangerous to cast. This Constantine has heft and density. It's viscous and meaty. The other Constantine was cotton candy. There's a lot of Narration Boxing but it works since John really needs to be the reader's tour guide. This issue builds the backdrop of New York for Constantine's journey. It doesn't rush. It just takes one step in front of the other until the reader has a better idea of the hauntedness of John's adopted city. Hopefully it just continues to build this world with more people in it like Mister Rumor.