Harley Quinn #17

This cover is a parody of a cover that hasn't been published yet. Which will basically make the We Are Robins cover the parody.

DC Comics' new West Coast offices must have been built on an ancient Indian time anomaly. How else do you explain Superman books with notes from the editor telling readers to reference books that haven't been published yet and this cover parodying a non-existent comic book (Yes, it exists now but it didn't the week this book came out)? The ancient Indian time anomaly is probably what gave DC Comics the idea for Convergence. The entire staff working in the building might actually think Crisis On Infinite Earths ended with the Anti-Monitor being defeated before he could destroy enough of the Infinite Earths so that you couldn't regard them as infinite any more (that would be an infinite amount, by the way, if you're bad at math). The ancient Indian time anomaly also caused DC to forget that they were drawing a line at $2.99 because over a third of their comics are now $3.99! Bastards! Although if that extra dollar added to the more popular characters' books helps subsidize less popular characters and weird series that wouldn't be attempted otherwise, I'm all for it. Also, since the subsidizing thing was my idea way back when, DC Comics should probably pay me a consultation fee.

This issue begins at 4 AM with a bunch of dumb pricks stealing garbage cans so that the owners will have to repurchase those garbage cans from the place the dumb pricks work. It's an idiotic scheme that can't be worth the trouble. How much profit does a store make on a garbage can? Is that a lucrative business? Too bad for these kids, they haven't learned the simplest lesson in crime: never hit the same mark on a regular basis. You see, in this day and age, people have access to all sorts of recording equipment. You may not be filmed committing your crime the first night because not everybody is paranoid. You might not get filmed committing the crime the second night because who thinks they're going to have their trash cans pilfered two weeks in a row? But that third night? You're going to be caught on film because you've begun a pattern. Although too bad for these kids, the person losing their garbage cans decided to pay for The Gang of Harleys instead of a web cam.

Shit. These kids would be better off in Gotham.

The Gang of Harleys earn a rooster for solving the case of the missing garbage cans. They also make some extra money salvaging the van the thieves used, stealing the money in the kids' wallets, probably selling the garbage cans, and possibly selling the organs of the murdered kid on the black market. Justice pays off in lots of little ways.

Harley goes to see the mayor and strikes up a deal which will allow her and her gang to commit murder for hire throughout the city.

Meanwhile in a scene foreshadowing future problems, Popeye eats some seaweed irradiated by an alien ship.

Harley and Mason finally have their date. It feels like Jimmy and Amanda are probably just writing about themselves here. But how would I know?! I don't know anything about them and I don't stalk them or obsess over their Wikipedia pages or anything. Harley Quinn somehow avoids making a beaver joke during dinner. Mason does not avoid being arrested for murder and jail breaking and what else ya gotting.

There's the beaver joke! It's also a masturbation joke but it's tame enough for the kids. Just like the eye-popping and dismemberment earlier was also kid friendly. It's just like watching a Looney Tunes cartoon. Except with masturbation and beaver jokes.

Harley receives a delivery of parakeets which she sets free on the roof. I'm sure they'll be important later in much the same way that Popeye was going to be important later. Which he is! Because the Gang of Harleys get a job to track him down. Harlem and Harvey find him in the men's bathroom of a dive bar on the coast.

Duh nuh nuh nuh NUH NUH! Duh nuh nuh nuh nuh NUH NUH!

Harley Quinn #17 Rating: No change. I can't wait until the Gang of Harley battle Baby Huey or Wile E. Coyote!