Convergence: Action Comics #2

This commentary will be quite short.

Superman and Power Girl do some stuff and then there's an earthquake and then the story ends.

Convergence: Action Comics #2 Rating: Well, I can't really rate it yet since I haven't read it! So maybe I should read it although I'm pretty sure I just summarized it in that first paragraph.

The issue begins with Power Girl fitting into her old costume even though she supposedly gained fifteen pounds over the last year. It's a costume that I barely remember because it doesn't have a boob window in it. It's the kind of costume that she could wear for many years and then when it is redesigned to show most of her tits, comic book fans don't have a problem with it. But as soon as you try to change the costume back to a non-boob window variant a few years later, the pro-Power Girl's traditional outfit voices come out en masse! How dare DC Comics change Power Girl's outfit for no good reason! I mean, I realize it had changed for no good reason previously and nobody cared. But this time you can't see her gigantic mammaries! Fuck that shit!

As Power Girl flies off to save Metropolis, she's attacked by an Invisible Jet! I guess the "invisible" technology is too costly to stick on the missiles because those are super visible. But Power Girl has Super Vision which enables her to see the contrails left behind by the jet. Hey! I must have Super Vision too because I can see those!

Was this a "she loves me, she loves me not" petal pulling joke? Unless it was a "the turbulence turned the invisible jet into a washing machine which turned Wonder Woman's underwear into a swamp of love" joke!

Wonder Woman bails out of the plane (or simply falls out as it breaks apart. But that takes away her agency which would be unfeminist) and is caught by Power Girl. A single page depicts them crashing through a building and to the ground. That's not the way I would have drawn it. I would have filled about ten pages of close up panels of their boobs rubbing together as they crashed to the ground. I think that would have really ratcheted up the drama and the themes of loss of control that have been permeating all of the Convergence titles. Unless permeating isn't the word I really wanted to use there.

Once the woman and the girl land, Wonder Woman kicks Power Girl in the face, sending her flying miles and miles away where she lands on the barren landscape of Planet Brainiac.

Meanwhile, Lois Lane looks fashionable and upbeat in her beret.

Also, Lex Luthor becomes ruler of whatever country Moscow is the capital of and Joseph Stalin was the leader of. I think it was Communististan.

Power Girl and Wonder Woman's battle devolves into the same thing that always happens when a person from a capitalist country battles a person from a communist country: they make it all about the ideology they inherited from the country in which they were born.

Wonder Woman: "So! You have capitalist pig Wonder Woman in your world?"
Power Girl: "That's right, you communist dog! She's so much better because she actually has plenty of toilet paper with which to keep her beautiful butt clean!"
Wonder Woman: "Bah! Plentiful toilet paper is metaphor for your country's waste and excess! I spit on your toilet paper! Ptui!"
Power Girl: "Oh yeah?! Well I spit on your optimistic belief that people can get along by sharing all resources and looking out for the community as a whole rather than just a few individuals within that community!"
Wonder Woman: "Why you spit on such beautiful belief?! You and your 'video games' and 'comic books' and 'free speech'! It is grotesquerie!"
Power Girl: "I bet you don't even have a word in Russian for 'hobby', do you?! But you have fifty words for work!"
Wonder Woman: "Da! Work is hobby! Is 'da' word for yes in Russian? I forget because I am constantly speaking English in comic book!"

Lex Luthor reminds Joseph Stalin that he has nuclear weapons (or something even more outdated than all the super robotic crap Lex seems to have put together simply to find out about the nuclear missiles) and Stalin is all, "Oh yeah! Good idea!"

Back on the streets of Moscow, Wonder Woman has seemingly defeated Power Girl when the real hero of Action Comics arrives.

It took Superman longer to get here because he's old and flies way slower with his left eye blinking the whole way.

Superman tells the females to stop being so emotional and to think the situation through logically. Wonder Woman is all, "But that's so hard to do with this vagina!" And Power Girl is all, "I can't think with these boobs!" But Superman is able to crack the Illogic Field of their Femininity and convince them of the truth!

Wonder Woman expresses how she feels at a man being right. Again!

Meanwhile underneath Moscow, a mirror image discussion takes place.

Luthor: "My penis is telling me we have to launch these missiles that look like my penis!"
Stalin: "Da! My testicles rage at the thought of people living and loving at my expense!"
Lane: "You guys are idiots! We can't destroy the world to satisfy your male genitalia!"
Luthor: "I don't care! I mean, I can't care! At all! Testosterone eliminating all empathy within me!"
Stalin: "Penis stiffening at the thought of power through violence!"
Lane: "If you guys knock off this display, I'll show you my breasts."
Stalin and Luthor: "Okay."

Actually, Luthor plans on nuking Metropolis even though Lois is completely against it. And since they're married, he's already seen her breasts so that probably wouldn't stop him anyway. But Superman breaks through the wall to stop him using the logic of his fists, the ultimate weapon of mankind! And it works or something. The cities are saved somehow and I think it involves hugs or something.

I already did the closing part about ratings but not the rating so here it is: 5 Boob Windows out of 10.

Divergence: Sinestro
"Who is the traitor in the Sinestro Corps who has set New Korugar on a path to certain destruction?"

Um, the traitor is Sinestro, of course! Duh! Before Cullen Bunn even began writing the story, he just sat down and thought, "What if there were a traitor in the Sinestro Corps? Who would be the last person somebody would guess? Sinestro!" And then he wrote the story.

The Sneak Peek introduces the main Yellow Lanterns to any new readers. It also shows Sinestro is still making his way around the universe trying to save all of the lost Korugarians. Plus the Corps' new home seems to be Warworld so who cares if New Korugar is going to blow up, right? He also keeps mentioning how the Green Lantern Corps fell apart and abandoned its mission and I don't remember anything about that. I remember Hal quit and became a renegade. But I don't remember what happened in the final issue of the Green Lantern Corps! I should probably reread the commentary on that and see if it explains anything. Maybe we're just supposed to assume that everything fell apart because the universe hates them and Hal's gambit of turning into the scapegoat didn't work. How come DC is making me do all of the work in my head to explain this whole "The Green Lantern Corps has dispersed" bullshit?! Am I supposed to assume as soon as the comic book was cancelled that they stopped existing?!