Batman Beyond #1

I should probably sit down and watch this cartoon sometime. Even though the cartoon has nothing to do with this comic book.

I just rewatched Ghost World so bear with me as I recover. I've mentioned before how all of my favorite novels aren't about good people overcoming their problems or defeating the bad people or making the world a better place. No, all of my favorite novels are about the protagonist finding their only choice is to escape from the insanity of a world they were never asked to be a part of. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Catch-22. The Grapes of Wrath. Some other books I'm probably forgetting. All of those (maybe!) pale in comparison to how I feel about Ghost World (the movie and the comic book). My heart breaks so hard for Enid and yet I feel intense and overwhelming joy when she chooses freedom. It's not easy, and she probably hurts a lot of people in the process. But she was dying trying to find a life which her best friend and family would fit into. I love how she and Becky's hand holding lingers in their final scene together, and I'm happy that Becky seems to understand. I like to imagine that they still sometimes speak, or visit, and that when they do, they pick up exactly where they left off, as old, first friends are wont to do after long absences.

Fifteen years later, Ghost World takes on a more poignant tone knowing that Thora Birch kind of disappeared from the big screen (not entirely but, really, you have to be looking to find her. I suggest you don't go looking down the Dungeons and Dragons path) while Scarlett Johansson was accepted by Hollywood and fit right in.

Anyway. If Ghost World means anything special to you, we would probably understand each other although it would be awkward and we probably wouldn't really care about hanging out. If you hated the movie and didn't identify with it at all, lucky you.

Now let's see how Tim Drake goes from Batman Beyond to Harvest in twelve easy steps!

This issue begins with a decapitation and other dismemberments! That'll keep the kids busy in a non-offensive way on a long road trip. Imagine if the issue began with tea and cupcakes?! No modern kid would turn the page!

The people doing the dismemberment are painted up like clowns because they're bad guys and bad guys in Gotham tend toward looking silly and being utterly ridiculous and teetering on the verge of absolutely moronic. I think Joker Gangs of the Future are also a standard part of the old Batman Beyond world, so we should all have expected them (even if this world is supposed to be covered in Brother Eye Cyborg Super Monsters).

Special Chase Foil Paragraph of Ultimate Rarity: I'm super excited that Bernard Chang is doing all of the penciling and inking himself. See? Sometimes I do mention the art. Especially when I'm prepared to say a lot of horrible things about the writing. Sorry, Dan Jurgens! I don't hate your writings! But I'm preparing myself for not really thoroughly enjoying it very much?

That last sentence of the previous paragraph wasn't a question but I felt the question mark softened the sentiment enough so that if Dan Jurgens' family were to read this, they wouldn't cry.

The map and remembering where Brother Eye was built bit was clever enough for me to think this book could be going in the right direction. It's the kind of question I'd ask! But saying it's the kind of question I'd ask doesn't exactly bring it up to Oscar Wilde levels of wit. But it's at least on the comparative scale (because I'm on the comparative scale!).

This Veil Technology that Wayne Enterprises has invented helps to make the Neo-Gotham of Batman Beyond believable after a full year of being told that the future was just cyborgs, cyborgs, and more cyborgs. This allows for a city hidden from Brother Eye's gaze which has developed free from monster super robots. That's good because I was going to get bored really quickly of Tim Drake battling robots with familiar looking heads on them.

The Joker Gang want to steal the Veil Technology so that Brother Eye will notice Neo-Gotham and destroy it just like the rest of the world was destroyed. Tim Drake is against that for possibly obvious reasons. I say "possibly" because if you don't know why, I don't want to sound patronizing or insulting to your limited intelligence by assuming everybody can figure it out.

Tim and A.L.F.R.E.D. (henceforth to be known simply as Alfred) are still trying to work out how this future is different from the future Terry McGinnis came from. In that future, it seemed the entire world was a wasteland. Batman was also grafted to The Joker in that future and sent back in time. But since Gotham is hidden from Brother Eye in this future, I'm sure Tim will be dealing with him soon enough. Dan Jurgens has also left room for the survival of other cities as well since Alfred doesn't know everything about this timeline yet.

Tim decides to go ask Nora Boxer some questions. She's...oh, I can't remember who she is! Read the Sneak Peek, or the final issue of Futures End, or watch the television show if you really need to know! I do know that she lives with Terry McGinnis's younger brother though. The scene helps to inform those readers who missed the Sneak Peek of some of the information gleaned from the eight pager.

See? They don't know he's from the past!

Nora explains how Matt was now an orphan and looking for a sidekick job. But Tim probably feels it's too early in the run to throw a kid in a suit and into dangerous situations. Better to wait for Matt to wind up kidnapped where he'll have to show his pluck and determination which will prove he's just as capable as any other Robin ever was.

Tim asks about the Justice League and Nora says they're all dead or have been turned. So Tim is all they have! His first job is to rescue some human prisoners being held by Brother Eye for their knowledge. Tim heads out as Matt looks on envious of the suit. He's already dreaming of being the hero and he hasn't even done his time as Robin Beyond!

Once Tim arrives at the POW Camp known as The Lodge, he encounters his first Brother Eyenemy. Get it?!

First issue and he's already going to die?

Tim blows his load (the electric kind) and shorts out Superman. He also shorts out his own costume and Alfred as well. While he's in mufti (thanks Larry Hama!), Tim decides to sneak into the prisoner of war camp and pretend to be a prisoner. Once thrown into the general population, he's assaulted and shaken down for any tech he might have on him by some guy named Max and his pink haired friend. But a familiar face is able to set him free before any punches are thrown.

Oh shit! His cover is blown!

Batman Beyond #1 Rating: 7.5 Harvests out of 10. Okay, Dan Jurgens, I'm in! Let's see where this goes. The best part about this comic book being Futures End Lite is that it doesn't have to represent the future of The New 52 Universe. Maybe some fans will demand that it has some sort of relationship with The New 52 Universe or else they just won't feel a connection to the story. But for me, I just like that it's an Elseworlds book about one possible future of the DC Universe where Bruce Wayne and Michael Holt completely fucked up and destroyed the world. How are people dealing with that? How are Mike and Bruce dealing with it?! I'm sure they'll play an integral part in the future of this title. As far as Tim Drake now being Batman Beyond? That's a bit weird. I don't really care since I've never even watched the cartoon so I'm not invested in Terry McGinnis. But the fact that Batman Beyond was so popular and that Terry McGinnis won over everybody who watched the show and is thought of as Batman, it seems wrong to just kill him and throw Tim Drake in the suit. On the other hand, it's time for Tim Drake to prove he can be Batman as well! So you know. One half dozen dildos in one hand, six vibrating cockmonsters in the other.