Swamp Thing #19

When I first opened this cover, I thought that was Bizarro and got way more excited than I probably should have.

Swamp Thing no longer has a human side so he needed a new writer. Maybe I've been wrong all along about new writers sticking to the old writers' characters and stories and histories. Perhaps Jim Starlin had the right idea by simply erasing the previous writer's characters from existence so he could start over. Except how am I supposed to care about any of these characters when they constantly flip personalities? I understand DC doesn't really have much of a choice about keeping a single writer on every title they do. But is it any wonder that I stopped reading comic books when Cerebus ended? Sure, Dave Sim kind of fucked himself at the end when he began obsessing with his religious beliefs that reintegrated Judaism, Islam, and Christianity as if they never branched out from each other. I guess that's a pitfall of having the same writer. But is it any wonder that after I stopped reading monthly comics, the two comic books I kept following via trade paperbacks were Fables and Walking Dead? The common link between those? A single writer across all issues (well, maybe Fables had a few guest stories here and there. But that hardly counts).

Not that I'm already complaining that Swamp Thing has a new writer! I think changes in writers work on comic books when they have time to finish out their stories and create a moment where a new writer easily fits in. Like Swamp Thing losing his human side. Or Stormwatch breaking up. Oh wait. Stormwatch could have been anywhere in their story since they were just simply erased from existence when Adam One was killed at the beginning of the universe because they weren't selling enough Stormwatch books to old Stormwatch fans. So Starlin gets to bring back characters more like the originals even though they're the same characters that were just wiped from the New 52. What does this mean for the 19th Century Stormwatch tale being told in All Star Western? Adam One is currently recruiting them and now Adam One doesn't exist. But more importantly, how does this affect Swamp Thing?

And the first page of Swamp Thing gets all contrary on my comment that "Swamp Thing no longer has a human side." Because Swamp Thing is sitting in the desert thinking that all he is is his human side! I guess losing the body part of Alec Holland hasn't changed the fact that it's still Alec Holland's mind whereas the Pre-52 Swamp Thing didn't even have Alec's mind and was simply a confused plant. Now he's a man that looks like a plant but isn't confused about the fact that he still has the mind of a man. I guess hanging out in the desert as a cactus man can bring a new perspective to your life.

What I like about this new Swamp Thing (new? Or should I simply say, "Changed"?) is that he's actively listening to plants now. He's not just poor, abused Alec Holland trying to deal with his death and his own problems. He's opened himself up and is receptive to the voices of other plants. He is now ready to deal with problems that don't directly relate to his own ego. I'm not sure because I don't want to think about it for too long, but he might be the first of The New 52 characters to come to grips with his Rebooted self and is ready to simply have comic book adventures! Okay, maybe The Flash has long since come to terms with his role. But he should have! He's supposed to do everything faster than everyone else. And probably a whole bunch more but then I'd be arguing against my own point and I'd never get anywhere in my writing if I began doing that. Well, maybe I would. But it wouldn't be anywhere I wanted to go. It would simply be one digression after another and pretty soon it would all just end with me calling myself a cunt-faced motherfucker and storming away from the computer pissed off at myself. Oh, sure. That might be entertaining to somebody watching my office from a hidden spy camera. But since I'd be too angry to hit the POST button, nobody else would ever get to enjoy it.

You know what? I was going to scan a panel that had something to do with my original point. I forget what that was but here's the panel anyway.

I think he's painting all plants with a pretty wide and stereotypical brush!

Swamp Thing has come to the desert because the plants won't shut up about a new piece of tropical rainforest growing in the desert where it shouldn't be growing. Swamp Thing must be old fashioned because he heads to the desert and destroys it because, historically, this shouldn't be this way. So I guess Swamp Thing's against technological advancements in creating ecosystems outside their normal parameters? A nice piece of Tropical Rainforest can't exist where it shouldn't exist because mankind created it instead of nature? The new Swamp Thing is a complete and utter fascist! I think that's probably a good thing. I mean, he knows plants. I don't know plants at all! He must have a good reason for destroying this place that humans can't fathom.

Some guy named The Seeder is manipulating The Green to help people. The Swamp Thing is going about undoing all of his good work because The Swamp Thing knows better than The Seeder. Or else The Swamp Thing has become a Super Villain! Stupid jerk! Help the people, not the plants!

Oh! I bet The Seeder is Monsanto. He's probably fucking up biodiversity, sending the world into a place where one catastrophic disease will end all plant life because it's all been so closely tied together with all the same genes spliced into every single plant. Except it's not that at all. It's just like I said earlier about how The Swamp Thing sees how when The Green is manipulated unnaturally in one place (even if it helps humans), it hurts and changes The Green in another place. Eventually fucking with the natural order too much will collapse the whole system. And The Swamp Thing is just being a good Avatar of the Green. He's not trying to rule the world or defeat The Red or The Rot; he's simply keeping the balance.

The Swamp Thing is doing an awful lot of Narration Boxing. It's almost like he's writing his memoirs. He is a plant though. And he did say how plants can't shut up. So the logic is consistent.

After Sudan, The Swamp Thing travels through the Green and regrows in Metropolis to visit the Metropolis Botanical Garden.

Well you'd better fucking destroy it then! Unnatural!

The Swamp Thing has come to Metropolis to hang out with humans. Or with super-humans, actually. He wants to speak with Superman. They've got that whole died and came back from the dead thing in common, so he probably wants to gab about that a bit. But I suppose The Scarecrow is also in town. He probably needs some ingredients for a Fear Toxin and he can only find those ingredients in the Metropolis Botanical Garden. Well, he could find them all over the world. But he can only find them all in one place for the cost of one ferry ticket across the bay here in the Botanical Garden.

Swamp Thing wants Superman to tell him it's okay to choose plants over people since Superman constantly has to choose people over people. Perhaps Swamp Thing and Superman can set up some kind of helpful exchange program. When Swamp Thing takes away an oasis that will cause a whole bunch of people to die, he can contact Superman to come and save those people by bringing them soup and bottled water. Hey, you try to think up a charity program on the first try! That's my best first guess. It probably needs to be workshopped a bit more to get it right. Maybe Superman will just tell Swamp Thing to stop doing things that put people in danger, you stupid plant. You're no better than Poison Ivy and Kudzu.

I love this portrayal of plants so much. "OH MY GOD! SWAMP THING IS ACTUALLY HERE! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! SWAMP THING! SWAMP THING! OVER HERE! OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! IT'S REALLY HIM!"

Swamp Thing might not be very horrory right now (except maybe for the rats) but I'm really enjoying the new voice. Pouty and depressed can only go so far. Now he's a bit perplexed about his job but he's enjoying it and embracing it and making plant friends everywhere he goes.

I'm hoping the horror will pick up and the comic can be both of these things at the same time. If that happens, Charles Soule will have nailed his target audience of me.

Am I the only one that hates "squee" and is super sick of it? It just smacks of trying too hard to be overwhelmed by cuteness. Think up your own reaction, internet denizens. For me, "squee" occupies nearly the same space as "meh".

I think Charles is gently easing us into the horror part of the comic book. An underground nest of rats eating away at the roots of a Banyan Tree. Smashed and crushed rats bleeding everywhere. Swamp Thing walking off leaving a trail of blood. I think these are omens! Squee!

I hate myself. Even for using it sarcastically. Meh.

OH GOD I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF FOR REAL NOW!

Meanwhile The Scarecrow is sneaking into the Botanical Garden to steal some Nightshade. Or something. I already said I don't know my plants! But Swamp Thing is there to stop him before Scarecrow can clip any flowers. I bet the plants are going fucking bananas right now! Especially the bananas! "HOLY MANURE! THE SWAMP THING IS FIGHTING THE SCARECROW! I COULD LITERALLY WILT HAPPY RIGHT NOW!"

Does DC really need more Scarecrow stories? This fucker is everywhere! Well, he's mostly in The Dark Knight and then again in The Dark Knight and then in Detective Comics and then in all those other places I'm sure he's been. Oh! Like Justice League America #2.

After the Swamp Thing gets his fill of talking to another human (or a human. I still think Swamp Thing is delusional thinking of himself as a human) and giving him advice on how to raise the Terror Foxglove Flower Thing, Swamp Thing decides to come out of the shadows to try to scare the unscareable.

"PRUNE HIS APPENDAGES, SWAMPY!" "MULCH HIM!" "COMPOST HIM!" "POLLINATE HIS FACE!" "NO, NO! POLLINATE MY FACE!" "NO! MINE!" "YOU CAN POLLINATE MY ROOTS!"

I think that might be the first time I've ever written Plant Porn.

The fight goes poorly for Swamp Thing because he has no offense. He just stands there while The Scarecrow pollinates Swamp Thing's face over and over again. Well, that isn't totally true. Swamp Thing does begin strangling The Scarecrow by taking control of the hay in his hood. But since Swamp Thing doesn't want to kill him, he doesn't punch Crane in the head. I'm pretty sure a butterfly could accidentally fly into Crane's face and break his nose. He's a weakling!

The Scarecrow must have designed that spray specifically for Poison Ivy who was killed by Katana. Or not.

Whatever the spray did to Swamp Thing (probably made him scared, right?), it knocked him out and caused him to sprout all over Metropolis. Superman sees his city suddenly covered in vines like a scene straight out of Rotworld and quietly judges from the sky. "Holland," he thinks because he's super smart. Also he has super vision. And probably super smell. I bet Swamp Thing has a very distinctive smell. That would probably be the worst super sense. Super hearing would drive me mad because I'm really sensitive to certain sounds. But super smell? Disgusting. I imagine Clark Kent would be gagging and retching throughout his entire day. Lois probably thinks he's a wuss with a weak stomach.

Swamp Thing #19 Rating: +2 Ranking. I'm pretty sure I enjoyed every aspect of this comic book even though it was mostly Narration Boxes. I don't always have to hate them just for the sake of hating them. I only hate them when Scott Lobdell writes them simply for the sake of hating Scott Lobdell. I knew I could work in my distaste for him into another commentary!