Firestorm #18

Time for "Attack of the Fifty One Inch Tall Men"!

In the Preboot Universe, Multiplex was Martin Stein's partner who had all the best ideas which Martin Stein stole. The stories are told in a totally biased way that makes Stein seem like the good guy and his partner, Sirius Black, look like a lazy, thieving asshole. But I'm fairly certain Stein was trying to marginalize his partner and his partner's ideas and efforts to their project. In the Preboot Universe, the project was a fully automated Nuclear Reactor. I imagine Multiplex will once again be a rival of Martin Stein's. He was probably a janitor where Stein worked when he came up with the Firestorm Protocol and he once suggested a really good place for lunch with which Martin became enamored. When Martin Stein finally perfected the Firestorm Protocol and didn't thank Sirius Black for his part in the effort, he went a little bit nuts and stole some of the Protocol. But the Protocol reacted strangely with his anti-psychotic medication and instead of becoming a Firestorm, he became a Multiplex!

That's my expert speculation on the secret origin of Multiplex. Now it's time to read the comic book and see how quickly it proves me right. Or how quickly I pretend it proves me right.

The issue begins with Skull Crusher and Relay robbing a Q-Core Facility in New York.

I'm pretty certain that ripping a metal door from its hinges in a metal wall will make noise, telekinesis or no telekinesis. But since Telekinesis is just a bunch of fantasy hoodoo, I guess I can't prove my point. So maybe Relay is correct!

How come Skull Crusher and Relay are out walking around free and clear? Doesn't Firestorm realize that when he beats up a bunch of bad guys stealing from Star Labs and involved in other unlawful shenanigans, he should have them arrested? You don't just turn their costumes into bunny suits and then go back to high school because they've been "defeated"! Perhaps Skull Crusher and Relay simply have good lawyers. Or really trusting bail bondsmen.

Unluckily for Skull Crusher and Relay and their bail bondsmen who probably just lost a ton of cash trusting these assholes, Firestorm is waiting inside the Q-Core vault. However he knew this heist was going down, he thinks that Skull Crusher and Relay were behind Ronnie's mom's kidnapping. I guess Firestorm doesn't really have very many enemies to blame yet, so he's got to go to the bad guys he's failed to lock up first. They deny having anything to do with a kidnapping and Jason's floating head believes them. So it's time to once again bring Skull Crusher to justice, if not for the kidnapping, then for the Q-Core robbery!

Justice served!

The next two pages explain why Skull Crusher and Relay were running about free. It's because the military took them into custody and they escaped. Okay, I guess the two pages explained some other things too. The bottom line is that Firestorm has no idea who has Ronnie's mom. I bet it was Multiplex!

Meanwhile, Ronnie's mom is busy meeting Multiplex. Probably.

And still being a racist asshole.

That this guy is probably Multiplex won't come as a big shock to any comic book readers out there. But that isn't the real mystery here anyway. Why was "Rick" tied up in the unlocked office next to Ronnie's mom? Is it a ploy to get her to bond with him so he can gather information? Or is this "Rick" the main version of Multiplex and his "other selves" rebelled and tied him up? Nobody has ever become "weak" from being "tied up in a chair", so he's obviously suffering from having multiple versions of himself on the loose. Could it be that he's telling the truth about being jumped by men in the parking lot? Perhaps he doesn't know he can fart out exact duplicates of himself! Well, exact if you don't take size into consideration. From the Pre-Crisis Who's Who entry, it states that the more of himself he makes, the smaller they become. How embarrassing!

So the real mystery isn't whether this guy is Multiplex but what the fuck does Multiplex want and where did he come from and does he have a patent on his power and, if so, is he going to sue the fuck out of Mob Rules?

This guy comes up with an escape plan which Ronnie's mom finds too complex to understand.

I imagine if his plan was to throw something through the office window, Ronnie's mom's helpful advice would be, "The window's closed!"

Meanwhile a secret cabal of shadowy figures hidden in the shadows is watching "Rick" and Ronnie's Mom as they try to escape through a horde of Multiplex Men. It looks like "Rick" led Ronnie's Mom to her phone so that she'd be tempted to call Firestorm to come save her.

The only person I can think of that would be after Firestorm for personal reasons so far in The New 52 is the woman changed in Issue #1 due to Ronnie and Jason's first use of the Firestorm Protocol. The woman that probably became Killer Frost. Or it's Martin Stein's ex-wife.

My guess is that the shadowy group of figures is the 2000 Committee. But I suppose they need a new name now! Based on their feet and my own fucked up wishes, I think this group is composed of Black Bison, The Weasel, Killer Frost, and Mind Boggler. Since The Weasel probably isn't actually one of them, he can be replaced by Bolt or Slipknot. And maybe not Mind Boggler but Plastique instead. So maybe this isn't the 2000 Committee since that was a stupid name anyway! Maybe this is the Bureau of Bureaucratic Assassins.

While Firestorm is out chasing after the wrong hoodlums, Jason's father tries to bully Tonya into liking Jason.

Jason's Dad: "Come on, Tonya! You're cute! You've known him since kindergarten. Just date him!"
Tonya: "You really don't know much about your son, do you, Mr. Rusch?"
Jason's Dad: "Please just get him to stop merging with the high school quarterback!"

Multiplex's plan comes together and Ronnie's Mom gets a call out to send Firestorm! Yay! I hope we find out who kidnapped his mom because they apparently can't wait to have their insides turned into gelatin! "Let's piss off Firestorm! Why don't we insult Captain Atom as well! I know! Let's defecate on Martha Wayne's grave while we're at it!"

Firestorm arrives to find a Multiplex that doesn't put up much of a fight. Instead he leads Firestorm to a machine that's seemingly sucking the life out of Ronnie's Mom and "Rick". It's obviously a trap and Firestorm knows it's a trap but the best kind of traps are the ones that people willingly walk right into! So he zaps the machine and the machine begins sucking out his power and that, finally, is when Jason recognizes "Rick" as Sirius Black. Which apparently means something to somebody somewhere.

So he's the jerk responsible for half of the world's population being Firestorms! Maybe!

Firestorm does that thing that Mister Terrific did to Brainstorm where he pumps him too full of power and gives him some kind of non-digestive indigestion! Jason Rusch must be the fourth smartest man on Earth! I mean, the third since Mister Terrific is no longer on this Earth! Once Multiplex collapses from feeding on too much energy, Ronnie frees his mom and everybody is ready to go back home and forget this comic book ever happened. Except the 2000 Committee is ready to party like it's 1999!

The Justice League is going to be so disappointed to lose a new member so soon.

Firestorm #18 Rating: No change. There wasn't one spark of romance in this entire book! Unless you count Jason's dad hitting on Tonya in Jason's stead "romance". I don't! I just call that "icky".