All Star Western #18

Savage is an exemplary old man. Look at him embracing new technology instead of stubbornly sticking to a club or a large rock.

Last issue, Jonah Hex and Amadeus Arkham learned that Vandal Savage had kidnapped Catherine Wayne. And Catherine Wayne learned that Vandal Savage brought the plague to Gotham. Now Hex just needs to figure out where Vandal is hiding so he can kill him, save Catherine, and return her to Alan Wayne for a thirty percent stake in Wayne's Casino. Although I don't think the killing him part is going to happen. So he might have to trick him into taking some of Arkham's drugs, have sex with him, steal his clothing, and then escape with Catherine.

But first things first: escape from the rabid Cholera peasant monsters!

Just kidding! The first thing to do is get a drink from a dwarf.

Meanwhile Vandal Savage is flirting with his captive as they try to make their way out of the quarantine in a blizzard.

Such a sweet-talker.

I can't imagine centuries of practice really means anything when it comes to sex. All it means is he's fucked a lot of women. Perhaps the different cultures and different times surprised him with things his ancient ass had never seen before, but none of those things would have changed what I suspect is the core feature of Vandal Savage's love making: selfishness. I don't see Vandal giving a shit about his partner's needs! His favorite move is probably still smashing an unsuspecting woman over the head with a club, dragging her back to the cave by her hair, throwing her over a boulder, and taking her from behind. He probably does it just like an ape. A couple thrusts and he's off to make the lesser males smell his wang.

A pack of dogs beset them before they can get very far. While Savage explains why he'd make a great father to Catherine's child (look, he lies a lot, okay! I get him!), Catherine makes a run for it. Luckily for her and the comic book plot, she quickly runs into Hex and Arkham.

DC has tried to forge so many of these moments where one major character encounters another major character and yet they almost always fall flat and feel contrived and forced and done simply to sell more books. But if they were all like this one page, DC would have no problems selling crazy amounts of comic books. Or is it just me that loves this so much? I do love me some Hex and Savage!

Vandal Savage has lived a long time and experienced a lot of things. But I wonder if he's ever eaten french fries in the shower? I just did that tonight! It was the best. Such wonderful times we live in!

Savage blocks each of Hex's pistol shots with his sword. He then begins to explain what an amazing and truly awesome influence he's been on every major civilization throughout history. And while he's busy jerking off his ego, Jonah Hex puts a load of buckshot directly into Savage's chest. I suppose Hex and company believe he's dead since nobody truly believes he's immortal, and they leave his body to the rabid Cholera zombies as they escape via the sewers. Savage's body was later dumped with the other victims of the Cholera where he healed and awoke and went on his way.

Days pass and eventually Amadeus notes Hex's absence.

I'll be sorely disappointed if Hex goes off without Arkham. Maybe Hex will pick up an equally entertaining sidekick out west.

Apparently Arkham believes, as I do, that the book would suffer from his absence so he gets a ticket and finds a seat on the train out west next to Hex. But Hex has other ideas, threatens Arkham's life, and throws him from the train.

Brilliant ending. I do hope to see more of Amadeus in the future.

Next, 19th Century Stormwatch! This issue begins with ManBearPig stringing up some bald hillbilly. That doesn't normally seem like a job for Stormwatch although I don't truly know how powerful ManBearPig is! But since this story is labeled "Stormwatch featuring Doctor Terrence 13", I imagine ManBearPig is actually just an old guy in a rubber mask trying to scare away other land developers.

ManBearPig is rampaging through a community called Lily Dale which has become a haven for Mediums and Seances. Doctor Thirteen has come to town to tell everybody that they're being silly and no such thing as ManBearPig exists and spirits don't exist and ectoplasm is a big trick and the dead don't communicate and stop falling for every scam artist that comes to town, Lily Daleians!

Doctor Thirteen quickly investigates the crime scene and decides ManBearPig is simply a zealot Pig Farmer. Yeah, but he could still be a Werepig, right?

Oh Scooby Doo! You taught me so much!

Later in Gotham, Adam One approaches Doctor Thirteen to become a member of Stormwatch. He tells Doctor Thirteen that he'll prove the supernatural is real but I'd rather Doctor Thirteen always figured out a way to explain everything in a scientific, natural, or technical way. Don't sully his character the way Scooby Doo eventually sullied itself! No, not by introducing Scrappy which was bad enough! By introducing real ghosts into the cartoon!

All Star Western #18 Rating: +1 Ranking. No Jenny Freedom, so that's a disappointment. But it looks like each new member of Stormwatch is going to get a back-up story as the group forms. And then they'll probably travel to Mars to stop a Martian invasion or something. All Star Western may be ranked about 10 out of 52 but it's easily the comic that makes me laugh and smile the most. It's one of The New 52's biggest hits and I don't think enough people are reading it. Come on, nerds! Start picking this one up! It's easily worth the extra dollar (and I don't say that lightly! Four dollars for a comic is nuts!).