Team 7 #6

Was it so long ago I would have cheered this cover? Alas, poor Grifter. You sucked.

Last issue had the Deathstroke of the present working with the Lynch of the present who is supposed to be dead and who Deathstroke was just about to begin hunting at the end of Deathstroke #18. So I guess he found him at the beginning of Team 7 #5! Apparently Deathstork Deathstroke needs to kill some creature called Spartan to save the world. Or something. It's much harder to remember exactly what was happening when I don't really care about the characters in the comic book.

The issue begins in the past when Team 7 first encountered Spartan. The cyborg had taken over the facility it was created in. Since Caitlin Fairchild was apprenticing in the Cyborg Department of the Advanced Prosthetic Research Center, that meant she was trapped inside with the creature. And according to future Lynch, she winds up dead! And then probably cloned 13 times by her grief-stricken father.

Maybe. I might be getting ahead of myself.

As they're landing, Ramos the pilot develops a sudden and severe bowel problem.

It's possible I meant severed bowel problem.

I guess that's one member of Team 7 down! I don't think Ramos was important anyway. But since I don't know anything about the Wildstorm Universe unless it was written by Warren Ellis, I could be wrong. Perhaps she'll be okay later thanks to Project Majestic. Or maybe her body will be carted off to Project Ascension.

Apparently Ramos wasn't important because Waller declares her dead. Although! Waller is known for lying! So maybe Ramos IS important! Oh I'm so confused! At least Deathstroke predicts more of his team will be killed on this mission. That's a comforting thought. Although I don't think anybody else is expendable. Higgins might be Midnighter. Fairchild has to clone Caitlin. Deathstroke has his own title. Cole Cash used to have his own title. Amanda Waller runs the Suicide Squad. Dinah Lance is Black Canary. And Kurt Lance can't die until he has an affair with Amanda Waller and gets his penis butter in her chocolate eggs. So I don't think anybody else is allowed to be killed. Well, that blows all the tension!

Team 7 survives the crash because Ramos was the best pilot in the DC Universe! But when they exit the craft, they're set upon by a bunch of cyborgs chanting, "Caitlin, help me!" Team 7 executes Plan It's The Only Plan We Have and begins shooting everything that moves.

Eventually they encounter Caitlin and Alex runs in to hug her. Godammit! Hugging is not a part of Plan It's The Only Plan We Have! Shoot her! You were supposed to shoot her! Oh well. Now you're going to pay the price.

Okay. I guess I don't know my Gen 13 history very well! Two down!

It's okay! She doesn't kill any more of them because Deathstroke blows her head off. But she wasn't the Level Boss, so they have to keep shooting things.

Team 7 meets Dr. Henshaw who somehow kept his mind when Spartan assimilated all of the other workers at the facility. Although his body is a bit fucked up, being composed of office chairs and toilets and Commodore 64s. If he survives, I don't know how he's going to integrate back into society. Perhaps he can get a job at the Post Office.

Meanwhile, Bronson wasn't allowed to come on this mission because he didn't answer the phone when Waller called to tell him he needed to go on this mission. But Bronson was the one The Spartan really wanted to assimilate, so it left the research facility to attack Bronson while he's having dinner with his family.

Dinner with the uninvited guest doesn't go so well.

The Spartan transfers its "core" to Bronson, possessing him and activating his meta-gene. He turns into some flying superguy with blazing electric eyes. He's probably a Wildstorm guy, so somebody else can tell me who he became. Wildstorm's version of Superman? The one that isn't Apollo, I mean.

Team 7 #6 Rating: No change. This was a quick read but it was better than the last couple of issues. I guess I simply enjoyed seeing a good portion of the team killed. But what about Caitlin Fairchild? What's going to happen there? I guess clones! Maybe she was the person inside Clone Tube #1 with Superboy? I doubt it though. I think the first clone was a failure, got tossed in the Dumpster out back, and crawled off to live a life of super villainy.