Threshold #2

But Blue Beetle is a contestant, isn't he? Can a Hunted claim the bounty on another Hunted? Maybe the bounty just gets tacked on to Blue Beetle's bounty. That's the way I'd design it if this were one of my many games.

Hey! Last commentary, I said: "Based on only the second page of the Larfleeze back-up story, I want a full sized Larfleeze comic book." And now DC has released this press release (what else would they do with a press release?): "DC Comics has announced new creative teams for each title in its Green Lantern line and confirmed a Larfleeze solo series." Do I have that kind of power?! In addition to driving Tom DeFalco from Superboy and getting The Ravagers canceled (all things I completely take credit for), did I also convince DC to do a Larfleeze monthly book?! Man! What other things should I demand? How about an Ambush Bug back-up story in Action Comics? Is the death of Aquaman asking too much? Yeah, that's probably too much since he's currently everybody's favorite loser. And judging by all the non-death happening in Suicide Squad, I don't think anybody is actually dying in The New 52 any time soon. Although Threshold is a place to tell dystopian science fiction survive any way you can kind of stories, so somebody better fucking die in this thing!

But don't let it be Brenda! She's Jaime's cute romantic love interest so she's got a target on her head five feet wide. Or more! Maybe five miles wide!

Hey! Let's see a picture!

This one page is better than the entire run of Grifter.

So now that even the dumbest of you know what The Hunted game show is about and you know which side you're supposed to root for, let's see if someone can kill Jediah Caul this issue! Because he's a bad thing! A really bad thing!

When the last episode of The Hunted ended, Stealth and Rik Starr (Space Ranger Extraordinaire! And kind of effeminate for your stereotypical space hero) were cornered by Crimson Thrust! No, that's not a sex act performed by a man on a female during her moon time. It's the most baddest assed, top rated, fan favorite Hunt Club! They have the most kills of all the other hunt clubs put together*!

*I made up that fact.

I wonder if I should start some kind of betting pool for this game? It might not be fair though since I obviously have DC's ear and they might be influenced by everyone's bets! I guess we can have an informal wager, right? And you all know what I mean by informal, don't you? That means a real wager but we're all going to deny that it was a real wager if any cops are reading this!

My money is on Jediah Caul! Nope! I picked him first! Y'all better pick someone else. If you pick a Hunted, it means you think that person will survive. If you pick a Hunt Club, you need to pick who you think they're going to kill! If this comic book were realistic (and it almost is!), Crimson Thrust would probably kill Stealth and Rik Starr (Space Ranger!) and Jediah Caul and Blue Beetle to boot! But I bet they're humiliated and never catch one person ever. They won't even catch Captain Carrot when his drunk ass is introduced! And he's just a stupid bunny rabbit!

Since Stealth has no other choice (well, the other choice (before I get to the first other choice) is simply running outside of Stealth's hideout and reenacting the ending to Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid minus the freeze frame), she decides to follow Rik Starr (Space Ranger!) to his possibly make believe "blind point".

I wonder what she means by "choke on it, 'space ranger'"? Is she trying to suggest something about these "space rangers"? Like perhaps they're not as manly as they might seem by the name of their organization? You know? Is she calling him a cocksucker?

Stealth has the power to turn invisible (shocking, right?!). But she's only invisible if she doesn't move. That's a pretty crappy power. That power is for cry babies and quitters! Or for people that have enough patience for the Crimson Thrust to move in close so she can cut the throat of Crimson Thrust #31. After she does that, she slaughters #8, #13, #7, and #42. She might also kill another one whose number I didn't get. And she blew up two others with a grenade before she made her escape although they weren't killed. But they were hurt bad enough that they might die now that their buddies are dead and can't get help!

Crimson Thrust is horrible at this game!

Meanwhile a couple of upper crust Happy People (one of them being Bleeding Adonis, the host of The Hunted), are discussing this season of the game.

Oh yeah! I forgot The Reach and the Green Lantern Corps are the deadliest of enemies! Except Blue Beetle's Reach Scarab is brain-damaged, so it probably won't be able to force Jaime to kill Jediah.

On the other hand (the first hand is the thing I mentioned in the caption about the brain-damaged Scarab), Jaime's carapace has been fitted with some kind of override tech which means The Scarab will finally get his way and be able to ignore Jaime's constant whining and moralizing. And in a bar somewhere on Tolerance, Jediah Caul is learning that a Reach Warrior is going to enter the game soon. And it's going to sniff out his residual ring energy like a thing with a good sniffer sniffing out something that smells like something it really likes.

So now what are people wagering? Is Blue Beetle going to kill Jediah Caul? Caul is basically defenseless with his ring uncharged. I guess he's going to have to seek help from Ember and her secret rebel group. Unless Jaime is somehow kidnapped from the game before he can even turn into the Blue Beetle.

What is Sleen supposed to be? A sexy space Raccoon?! She's my new favorite character! Sorry, Alysia and Brenda!

So Pig-Iron is also running around the pages of Threshold? I'm surprised DC didn't have to change his name as well. I wonder how much money they spent on lawyers trying to find out exactly how removed their characters had to be from the original Captain Carrot and the Zoo Crew before they could get away with not paying Scott Shaw? Probably a lot of money that they could have paid Scott Shaw while telling him to suck it because the new Captain K'rot doesn't pun and that's why he's different from the old Captain Carrot!

So Captain K'Rot and his New Zoo Crew Revue need to capture Blue Beetle so they can get a big payout from something called the Consortium. That sounds familiar but I'm too stupid and/or old and/or drunk to remember. And I've recently had a tiff with Lord Google since he seems to be trying to get me to use Google Chrome by passive aggressive means like nearly locking up Firefox every time I search for something. I guess that's kind of aggressive aggressive although he keeps failing at it. He's a dick. I might start hanging out with Viscount Bing instead.

Who thinks Yankee Poodle will make an appearance? Hopefully it'll be as Skanky Poodle.

Kicking Jaime in the head and knocking him unconscious is a big mistake due to the Carapace Override installed in him. The Scarab instantly takes over and begin shooting Reach Death Lasers at the New Zoo Crew Revue. They flee the scene and probably won't be chased because the Scarab will probably realize there is a Green Lantern to kill somewhere nearby.

In fact, he's really, really nearby! Caul has paid a visit to a recently dead gun runner friend of his (possibly killed by Caul after Caul arrived and was attacked and had to defend himself. It isn't made completely clear but that's what I've decided has happened) which just happens to be the first place Captain K'rot runs to when he wakes up the Reach Scarab.

I really should be plastering the original Captain Carrot's face on Captain K'rot but Captain K'rot just looks too cool.

And that's where The Hunted part of this issue ends! Next up, Larfleeze!

Larfleeze is currently trying to figure out who robbed him by questioning his butler, Stargrave.

I'm not sure I should like Larfleeze as much as I do. He's cuddly.

Larfleeze decides to enlist the help of the Star Rovers. It's a good thing I already learned all about Rick Starr (Space Ranger!) and the Star Rovers! I'm over-prepared for this issue! I'm not usually prepared on any level for anything! Is this what "pride" feels like?!

Since you've seen example after example of things I hate in comic books, here's a panel I especially love. Larfleeze just has a certain innocence to him that I find charming and lovable. If you hate the Larfleeze back-up story, we have nothing more to discuss. Good day!

After a brief attack by Larfleeze's Orange Army (an event that nobody can explain as of yet), the Star Rovers agree to work for free to help Larfleeze find his stuff. It's a little more complicated than all that. It's also funny and adorable. I like Larfleeze and I like his Space Alfred and I hope when Larfleeze gets his own book, it doesn't take itself seriously and begin crossing over with Green Lantern all of the time! It's about time for a funny, off-the-wall, not so serious, whimsical fucking book!

Threshold #2 Rating: +2 Ranking. Sure, I obviously really like the Larfleeze back-up story but I also like The Hunted story too. It's chock full of crazy characters and Captain K'rot did not disappoint me. Plus I guess I'm edging into furry territory by finding his cohort Sleen the Space Raccoon super sexy and cute. I just want to see her bury her face in a bowl of cat kibble. Um, in her underwear! I didn't mean to sound weird!