Swamp Thing #14

"Look out for me! Oh rotten water! Your mysteries are full of flies! And I got a need for fucking Abby! And I got a need to rip Anton Arcane's fucking face off of his shit-twisting body and shove it straight up his own ass until he completely consumes himself and disappears with a tiny *poit* and then a word that rhymes with 'flies.'"

When we last saw Swamp Thing (not counting the Annual which is when some of us last saw Swamp Thing but probably not all of us because who buys every stupid annual anyway?), he was ripping the heads off of the Teen Titans. It was orgasmic. Orgiastic. A dream I couldn't possibly have ever truly considered coming true. And yet there it was! Teen Titan after Teen Titan being smashed and beheaded and turned into mulch. So while Lemire was over in Animal Man (Hey! An anagram for Animal Man is "I'm Anal Man!") telling Rob Liefeld his time at DC Comics was shit, Snyder was over in Swamp Thing working over Scott Lobdell! I hope this war of writers continues to escalate! Y'all know whose side I'm on!

Anton Arcane's ass-kissing versions of Statler and Waldorf.

I'm only three pages in and I'm just thoroughly impressed by Yanick Paquette's work on this title. This may be the Rebooted Swamp Thing and I may be edging into blasphemy territory but Yanick Pasquette's vision of the Swamp Thing world will forever be the one I visualize when I think of Swamp Thing. For the overall look of Swamp Thing, I'd probably stick with Stephen Bissette. I like how mottled and vine-ridden and rough his Swampy looks. Paquette's is a bit too smooth. But I also think that smooth, modern look to the rest of the art is why I like the look of this comic more than Bernie Wrightson's original creation which is itself incredible. It's dark and grim and perfect for the horror stories Len Wein was telling. It's probably not fair to compare since I'll generally choose the more modern comics simply because of the lower quality of color separation on the old newsprint comics. Whatever the case and people's opinion on the "best Swamp Thing," I believe Yanick Paquette has, at the very least, added his name to the ranks of the top Swamp Thing artists.

Swamp Thing is currently losing a fight with Superboy. Apparently Superboy's tactile telekinesis hasn't been much affected by his rotting brain and nerve endings. Swamp Thing, however, has the full power of the Parliament of Trees and The Green at his disposal here at the foot of their home. It's by utilizing this power that he becomes the not so jolly green swamp giant seen in Swamp Thing Annual #1.

I'm pretty sure stomping The Rot into paste is the only way to kill them. Or at least immobilize them for a fairly long time.

After Swampt crushes the Teen Titans, he demands to know where Abby is and that's where readers should insert Swamp Thing Annual #1. I'm actually stapling my copy right there between pages six and seven of Swamp Thing #14.

While telling Swamp Thing about Abby's adventures during the beginning of The Rot invasion, Scott Snyder finally names the town she comes from: Blestemat. Poison Ivy (I think she's telling the tale) tells Swamp Thing that Abby fell during the first days of the invasion. Really? Like how Maxine "fell"? She's probably in a cell in Anton's castle right next to Maxine and V. Which, I guess, would put her in Cell IV and Maxine in Cell III. Unless the cells are numbered back and forth across the corridor! Then Abby would be in Cell III and Maxine would be in Cell I.

Just like over in Animal Man where Buddy abandons The Red to try to end The Rot's world domination, Swamp Thing leaves The Green behind to save the world. Poison Ivy stays behind to help protect the Parliament while Deadman travels with Swamp Thing.

I bet Batman survived but Alfred didn't. But Alfred sense of servitude is so strong, Rot Alfred will still be helping Batman.

Swamp Thing and Deadman decide to take a leaf ride out to sea and up the coast to Gotham to look for Batman. Because when all hell breaks loose and the world is falling apart, who better to save it? That's right! The Batman! But they never make it that far. That little prick that Maxine was befriending in Animal Man #14 decides to devour Swamp Thing and Deadman (?!) with his Deadopus.

Perfect. When William first entered the scene, he escaped over land in a scuba gear for protection. And now here he is again, fully equipped. Aquaman being a corpse is simply a bonus.

Swamp Thing #14 Rating: +10 Ranking. It's not that this single issue was so super fantastic that it deserved this kind of a boost even though this was a very good issue. It's just that Swamp Thing has been underrated in my rankings for far too long. There's no reason it should be so far below Animal Man when I enjoy them about the same amount.