Green Arrow #14

If Hawkman were showing up in any other New 52 comic, I'd say it would decrease sales. But who knows? Maybe a tiny little Hawkman bow is what this pile of Green Arrow shit needs.

Last issue, Green Arrow was just arriving back in Seattle when he noticed one Hawkperson being assaulted by a bunch of other hawkpersons. When a Super Hero stumbles upon a group of people in a violent conflict, how does he decide which side he should join? Does he just automatically side with the underdog? Green Arrow is anti-establishment, so I can see him diving right in to help the person that is outnumbered. But what if this were Superman flying by? I guess that's when you'd have one of those covers stating, "Hawkman versus Superman! Who will win?!?!"

Now, now. That's not a completely ridiculous question. Superman is only as powerful as the current writer wants him to be. Look over in the pages of Grifter where he defeated Midnighter and Apollo! Hilarious!

I'm actually not sure what side of the battle Green Arrow has chosen in this conflict because last issue simply ended with him jumping out of a stealth jet without any problems.

"I guess that clears up everything. No more questions here!" "But what about the tow line and speed of the jet and elasticity of the...." "I said no more questions!"

How dare that cynical asshole try to ruin my enjoyment of a Green Arrow comic? Especially when he's got such a huge guest star in Hawkman. And boy am I enjoying this! Green Arrow swinging around on a rope dangling from a Stealth Jet and having more control over his motions than the Warhawks. Emma hanging from the second rope Green Arrow brought with him using a tiny little hollow axe and, like Green Arrow, totally in control of her movements in the sky battle. And Hawkman proving he's innocent of murder by killing the innocent men chasing after him simply doing their job. It's all just such a fucking treat.

Everybody's dream last words: "It's my job." Notice that even as a last sentence goes, it's stated flatly with no emotion. At least give this poor sap an exclamation point! Does the Hawk-Military Budget not allow for it?

On the other side of the two page spread with the guy following orders, the Seattle skyline can be seen. I scanned it for half a minute and was impressed that they Space Needle hadn't been shoved in to indicate this city was Seattle. But that's because I was looking for where it was supposed to be instead of where the artist shoved it.

I was almost impressed the artist decided to draw the skyline to the right of the Space Needle. That's like drawing Paris without the Eiffel Tower in the shot! And then I saw it off to the right.

This is where it actually is. Over there! To the left! Credit for this beautiful shot to RyanManuel of Flickr. You can probably get a shot of the Space Needle off to the right of downtown but I you won't be over water.

I don't really care about that whole Space Needle thing. I'm just blogging my reactions and commentary on Green Arrow as I read it and was almost fooled into praising Freddie Williams II for leaving out the Space Needle! Just like in the DC Universe Presents Zero issue when I pointed out a shot of Paris without the Eiffel Tower but then spied it between buildings in the distance. I guess if they were in St. Louis, the Arch would have to be in the shot. And in London now, the London Eye seems to establish the setting. Oh, the Sydney Opera House in Sydney is a location establishing bit of architecture as well. I feel bad for cities that don't have a prominent structure with which to tie their entire identity!

At some point during the fight, Green Arrow believes the Warhawks are retreating. But that's because he doesn't understand Thanagarian fighting tactics the way Hawkman somehow does!

I know how he knows! Wikipedia!

Luckily Green Arrow has a Chain Mail Netting Arrow that he can shoot which unfurls a giant net made of chain mail right in the path of the dive-bombing Warhawks. For some reason, the Warhawks were dive-bombing the empty space between Green Arrow and Hawkman. What kind of stupid attack was that? Maybe they were hoping to upset them with the slight breeze they created as they zipped past.

And then the Warhawks give up far too easily. They decide to simply take Emma and retreat. That Nth Metal really is powerful! Oh, and, um, Green Arrow was pretty intimidating as well.
Next on their to-do list is to get Emma. And how are they going to do that? Ollie's weapons guy develops an arrow that shoots two liquids which, when synthesized, will turn the Warhawks' armor to sludge. He was inspired by some beetle he read about or saw or made up or something. He's so excited about the inspiration that he makes a power point presentation for Hawkman and Green Arrow.

That beetle needs to be careful not to masturbate with two hands.

They make the stuff, it works, they save Emma, and they get the whereabouts of Shayera. Whatever happens next happens in Deathstroke #14. During the course of his adventures this month, Green Arrow also learns that someone besides Emerson (the guy that always yelled at him at Queen Industries) is trying to ruin Queen's company and that Green Arrow still wants to kiss Suzie Ming right on the mouth.

Green Arrow #14 Rating: No change. I guess if I wasn't such a cynical bastard, this issue would have been fine. Maybe. It wasn't very good, actually.

P.S. I just missed The Simpsons' Wacky Races Couch Gag due to reading this crap. Thanks a lot, Ann Nocenti!