Green Lantern #0

Everybody run! Green Lantern's got a gun! And some kind of Arabic tattoo? And a BDSM mask? And handball gloves? Who designed this guy?

Since Green Lantern's design their own suits from some pre-existing template but then change it to fit their aesthetic, what does this suit say about this new Green Lantern? I suppose his personality must be a little bit Hal Jordan, a little bit rock-n-Sinestro since their rings merged with both of them desperately trying to convince the ring to find someone like themselves. And the Ring may have been damaged somewhat in the Black Hand incident because it kept saying, "error." So now DC has two pieces of brain damaged alien technology running wild: Jaime's Scarab and this new Lantern's ring.

Simon Baz, an Arab-American that grew up in Dearborn, Michigan, will be the new Green Lantern. His whole life has been a reaction to reactionaries after hijacked planes were flown into the World Trade Center. And now eleven years later, he's a car thief. It looks like he works for someone because he's just been set up. He stole a van with a bomb in the back and its ready to blow.

You didn't know you were stealing a car? How naive do you expect us to think...oh, wait. Never mind!

Sometimes writing commentary on these comics as I read them leads to little things like this that make me laugh. I read the previous page and wrote that comment. Then I turned the page and this is the first panel.

I hope when Simon receives his ring, he just goes around the universe stealing space ships.

Simon manages to dive out of the van. The van smashes into a building of some sort (probably vacant since he smashed through a chained and locked fence and since this Green Lantern can't lose any sympathy by beginning his comic book career as a manslaughterer) and explodes. The police chasing him draw their guns and somehow don't shoot him immediately. Is he still in Dearborn? Because he's definitely not in Portland!

Simon ends up in prison being interviewed by two mysterious agents. It turns out Simon is a manslaughterer but the kind that can garner sympathy from the reader. He was driving a car involved in a crash while street racing and his brother-in-law was killed. He feels intense remorse for whatever his part was in this accident. So far, he's just a guy who grew up with a loving family in an environment of hatred sparked mainly by our government and media who went down the wrong road at some point. In other words, he's got all the makings of another flawed hero being chosen by the Green Lantern ring!

Or maybe not so flawed at all. Looks like he's being set up to be the Valjean to the Guardians' Javert.

Could it be that for once we're going to get an absolutely heroic Green Lantern? A Green Lantern that does the right thing unconcerned by law or society's bullshit? Simon had a rough time growing up and yet he tried to live a responsible life. But when the factory was shut down and he had people to take care of, what could he do? He became responsible for his sister and her child the moment his brother-in-law was killed in the accident. He probably only steals cars from horrible corporations fucking with the local people and businesses as well!

Since Simon Baz isn't telling these assholes what they think he should be telling them because they fucking know it all, they decide to torture him until he does tell them what they think he should tell them. Why do people think torture works? Torture only works in getting someone to tell you what you want that person to tell you so that the pain will stop. By not torturing someone, if they're lying, they'll lie to you but it won't be the lie you want. If they're not lying, they'll tell you the truth that you won't believe. So you torture the person until they tell you what you want to hear. Now if they were telling the truth, they're lying but now you're will to believe the lie because it's your version of reality. It's all based in arrogance and bullshit and manipulating people through pain. And it may be against international law but don't assume you aren't being tortured every single day of your fucking life to get you to toe the line. Even if it's just manipulating you with fear, that's torture. That's scaring the shit out of you and causing psychological pain to get you to act the way they want you to act.

Simon Baz doesn't put up with this bullshit. He does not go gentle onto the water-boarding table. He fights back until the moment one of them pulls a gun on him. And in that moment, that moment just before he acts, just before he attempts to take that gun away from that guard, the brain damaged green lantern ring explodes into the room.

"And you've got the anti-authoritarian traits of Sinestro and the heroic, do-gooder ideals of Hal Jordan. Welcome to the ERROR team!"

The suits give Amanda Waller a call to let her know that Simon was broken out of jail by a Green Lantern ring. Amanda, as usual, decides to sit on the information and keep it for herself. Cyborg intercepts the call and lets Batman know that a suspected terrorist now has a Green Lantern ring and, hey, have you heard from Hal lately? Nobody has because Hal and Sinestro are lost in the epilogue of this comic book.

I thought Grifter was the most wanted man in the world?

Green Lantern #0 Rating: Un-Hal-Jordan-errific! Oh yeah, Simon's tattoo on his arm translates into English as courage. And he never really creates a suit for himself. And at the very end, after he's crashed in a field where the ring took him, the ring says, "Message waiting." This message is probably for Carol from Hal that he placed in the ring the moment before he thought he was going to die.