Superman #10

I hate when this happens.

Anguish. Are you kidding me? Remember the days when a super hero based their name on their super powers or their costumes? Yeah, I don't know if those days ever actually existed either. Did Anguish take the name because she (pardon me as I get the exact definition) "causes sever mental or physical pain or suffering"? And that's actually a smart way to name yourself! If she called herself "Intangible Lass," people would guess how she's going to defend herself. But if she calls herself "Cosmic Bubble Gum," nobody has a clue what they're in for! Calling yourself "Anguish" leaves some mystery and probably causes a bit of hesitation on the part of your foe. If you call yourself "Deathblow" or "Bonebreaker" or "Strokecauser" or "Deathstroke" or "Eyepoke" but you don't actually do any of those things, that could cause some fear too. Like Batman. He just scares everyone by being a bat! Batman must have invented his persona in a decade when rabies was running rampant.

This issue begins with Lois confronting Morgan Edge for running the story outing Superman. Lois doesn't have a problem with reporting on Superman's secret identity, if he has one. Hell, she'd die trying to be the first one on that story. But she does have a problem with the credibility of the source. Which isn't a surprise considering the source's "research" consists of a picture of Spence Becker next to a picture of Superman.

Oh look! They both have black hair and jaws!

Superman and Anguish continue to pummel each other. I think it's Superman's turn to finally ask: "Am I being a jerk right now?" This woman stole a single locket from a safety deposit box in a bank. And now Superman is battling her and getting knocked through walls, melting asphalt in the middle of the street, and putting civilians at harm. Let her fucking go, dude!

Although maybe she deserves a right cross to the jaw when she starts unloading her psychological problems on a guy who's attacking her.

You know, if she could just add invisibility to her power list, this whole fight could have been avoided.

Anguish continues to vomit up all of her problems and powers and life secrets. She was abused by her stepfather until she felt nothing. So I guess that's why she took the name Anguish. It's one of those ironical names! She also lets Superman know that she doesn't know how her powers work but that her body changes density as needed. It's all instinct and her subconscious at work. So Superman decides to grab her locket because she also mentioned how it's the only thing she cares about. Even though she can't feel anything so she must be lying about one of her confessions. But the locket gets smashed as Superman tries to steal it and Anguish blames him for it.

This whole story falls apart if those stupid giant news screens worked they way they should and didn't blare out sound.

Anguish heads off to massacre Spence Becker's family. And then I had a sip of tea and thought, "Why does Anguish's suit become intangible as well?" I think she should be running around naked. That's how I'm going to picture her from now on.

That's better!

Oh yeah, the Blogger also went to Spence Becker's family's house for some reason. Mrs. Becker's entire street is filled with reporters trying to get an interview for this bullshit story but she won't speak to any of them. But since Spence is a blogger who doesn't have any sense of decorum or social skills, he just breaks right into her house to confront her. He doesn't believe her denials and then Anguish breaks in topless. You can look at that picture again if you forgot what that looked like.

Superman arrives just in time to destroy most of the house as he flies through the walls to save the wife and daughter. Maybe that's an acceptable amount of property damage because he didn't know exactly how much time he had to save them. But then he really just trashes the neighborhood for the fuck of it.

She's protecting her genitals not diddling her hoonanny.

Superman just destroyed the streets and the sewers beneath to get her attention. Superman is a menace to property values! But he is finally able to defeat her. In a way since she's apparently unbeatable.

Of course he's going to psychoanalyze you! You won't shut up about your step-dad! And you're running around Metropolis naked!

Superman returns the locket to a finally calmed down Anguish and she thanks him and disappears into the rain. Superman tries to get her to go to STAR Labs for treatment because he's sad that she can't feel a friendly touch. I guess since this whole super power is a reaction to being physically abused, it automatically causes her body to retreat from any sort of touch. But it allows her to fight off someone taking advantage of her. Yeah, that sounds like something STAR Labs could work on since all the scientists are so sympathetic to the psychology of the person being studied. That was sarcasm!

And then Spence shows up to clear up the whole mess.

But where is Clark Kent?!

Finally, there is a one page epilogue where the Russians remove a coffin shaped box from the submarine. The sub picked it up from the bottom of the ocean. And then whatever was in the box escapes and kills everybody. I knew it was a Vampyre!

Superman #10 Rating: No change. The entire plot of this issue relied on Anguish saying way more than she ever would say to an enemy combatant. It also relied on the premise that the giant television screens in downtown Metropolis are constantly blaring out sound for the masses. I'm not exactly sure how anybody in Metropolis can concentrate on anything with these gigantic televisions blaring out their noise for everyone below to hear. I'd rather live in Gotham.