Wonder Woman #7

Wonder Woman has currently pissed off Hera, Strife, and Hades. Hermes and some guy named Lennox have been helping her out. Poseidon's neutral as long as everyone stays out of his ocean, probably. And Apollo hasn't really revealed what he's up to yet. Let's see who Wonder Woman can piss off this issue while protecting Zola and Zeus's unborn baby (which is probably Zeus!).

It looks like Cupid fires Love Bullets now.

The story begins in Italy with a man chasing after a guy with two guns holstered under his arms. He's complaining that some guy won't stop following him and he wants the other man to do something about it. The other man is most likely Cupid, especially since he has the guns strapped to his chest. A little modern update.

Last issue didn't feel like the previous four issues. It didn't have the same tone or flow or give me the feeling I was reading something well put together. But just this first page of Wonder Woman #7 has me back in the story, completely. This page alone is a simple, well told love story in six panels. I'm sure it continues on the next page with Cupid angry and irate about being touched and having to listen to a mortal demand things of him. But turning this one page into a short story through two characters in the middle of a discussion is how you tell a story. Not Narration Boxes telling me, "I thought I wanted love. He was all I could think about. But then when that mysterious man made my dream come true, I realized I couldn't handle it. I didn't love this man. I loved the idea of loving this man! And love is like begging. Beggars can beg. But do beggars have love? What beggars want is change. And change is what I need right now!" Fuck you, Nathan Edmondson!

Cupid must have played a lot of Call of Duty to unlock the Gold Akimbo Pistols.

Wonder Woman and her group appear (see the top of her head in the bottom of that panel?). Hermes needs a favor from Cupid. I bet it's a matter of love! And for once, a couple of relatives are happy to see each other. I was beginning to think none of them could play well together.

I think the title translates to "Gang Bang."

The favour Hermes asks of Cupid is a meeting with Hephaestus. Wonder Woman's team is looking for weapons to use as either bargaining chips to use against Hades or as, um, you know, weapons to use against Hades. Wonder Woman brags to Hephaestus about her lasso but he's less than impressed. He's unpressed.

Now all she needs is a Chakram!

Wonder Woman doesn't accept the whip. She later proves to Hephaestus that her lasso is all the weapon she needs when Hell sends a magma beast out of the forge to show his displeasure with Hephaestus for giving Wonder Woman and her company weapons to use against him. During the battle with this creature, a number of Hephaestus' men are killed. Wonder Woman thought they were automatons but Hephaestus tells her who they really are.

I hope Wonder Woman is getting college credit for all the learning she's doing.

Hephaestus follows up this revelation with a story about how the Amazons go about getting pregnant.

They do this every 33 years. Eh, there are worse ways to go.

When the Amazons give birth, Hephaestus trades weapons for the boys. Is this legal?! You would think they would set up some sort of trade agreement with China.

Wonder Woman does not take kindly to this history. She sees her brother Amazons as Hephaestus' slaves and decides to free them. Lennox sides with her and they capture Hephaestus and bind him in Diana's lasso. But when Wonder Woman calls for her brothers to rise up and be free, she finds she doesn't know as much as she thinks she knows.

This is like that episode of Degrassi Junior High where Caitlyn starts protests to stop animal testing but then finds out that the drugs she needs to control her epilepsy had to be tested on animals and then the episode ends like most of them did where it just raises more questions and doesn't give the audience any easy answers.

Hephaestus doesn't seem to have any hard feelings. He cares for these thrown away children and realizes that Wonder Woman did what she did because she cares as well. He allows her and her group to stay on and rest overnight before their journey to hell in the morning.

Wonder Woman Issue #7 Rating: +1 Rating. Very, very good. And clever. And nice to look at.