Superman #6

Who points a gun at a rampaging Superman? Morons point a gun at a rampaging Superman!

First off, let me say my commentary on Superman #5 was a rambling batch of beauty. I especially liked the part where the Cujo/Titano part. Good job, Past Me.

Anyway, at the end of Issue #5, the real Superman was waking up in Earth orbit while a less morally strict Superman was busy killing and maiming things in Metropolis, including one of PGN's anchormen, Billy McCoy! That guy was a real douche anyway. And he'll probably end up being saved anyway. Let's hope Issue #6 ends this confusing story line about Superman and the Fire, Ice, Lizard, and Doppleganger Kryptonians!

Issue #6 begins with Supergirl saving Billy McCoy's life. Aww! What a dumb slut! I'm surprised she didn't punch him in the nose first. She still can't speak English. But she just came from confronting Superboy and hasn't even met The Silver Banshee yet. And that's who I think will each her English with her magical language powers.

Is it common knowledge that Superman is from Krypton? I can't keep all of the New 52 facts straight!

The phony Superman continues to beat the super out of Supergirl until Lois screams at Clark to stop. Clark can hear Lois from space because he's got a phone in his suit. I believe she had dialed Clark earlier to try to get in contact with him. That was at the end of the last issue. But now when she called for Superman, Clark answered on her phone. I know she's been suspicious that Superman and Clark may have a link but I don't think she's realized it here. She just switched from calling out to Superman beating Supergirl to realizing Clark is speaking to her over her headset.

Superman is in space because whichever issue ended when he was covered in bugs was when he was exchanged. The bugs are Nanites from some ancient world that the Collector of Worlds had taken. But this world in a jar was unstable and blew up. The Collector destroyed the remnants but missed a single nanite.

Do you think Perez wrote himself into a corner with this story? Or did he have access to Grant Morrison's Action Comics scripts up to Issue #7 when he wrote Superman #4?

Back in Issue #4, the Nanites in the form of the Ice Kryptonian, the Fire Kryptonian, the Lizard Kryptonian, and the swarm of bugs told Superman that he created them. But he didn't create them! He just gave the single Nanite a lift five years ago. Wait. Five years ago? But that's when the Justice League was created? And Superman is still very young in Action Comics. He looks much more like a grown man in Justice League. I think Superman is a bit confused due to being in space and having his thoughts stolen and having been replicated.

So none of this is really making much sense. The Nanites have the ability to read minds? And why did the Nanites create the Fire, Ice, and Lizard Supermen? Why did they say they were created to purge? They were obviously created to create from what Superman learned about their history when he reverse-mind-read the Nanite Superman.

I have a feeling George Perez shifted where the story was going at some point so a lot of plot points aren't going to line up very well. So maybe I should just finish reading this comic and move on to the Jurgens/Giffen version of Superman.

*sigh* Cue the laugh track to go fucking mental. Nanite Superman is saying, ugh, "Bazinga."

Eventually, the real Superman flies down to defeat the Nanite Superman. It's about time!

OMG! Two Supermans!? Um, Supermen?

The Nanite Superman then screams in Old Portuguese, "Lucy, you got some 'splaining to do!" Ugh. Why make the alien yell such stupid phrases? Did the letterer think he was being funny? Did George Perez script these things? Whoever is to blame, did they not realize that this language would be cracked immediately and fans would be reading this stupid shit? Maybe fans love this kind of thing. "Oh look! Nanite Superman is quoting Sheldon! Too rich!" "Oh! Oh! Now he's doing Ricky Ricardo! Ah ha ha ha!" Ugh. Ugh. Ugh to the fifteenth power.

The rest of the comic has Superman beating the Nanite Superman into Gray Goo. While he beats it up, he explains what happened in the preceding issues. This is always done when a story doesn't make any sense and the reader would never have figured out what happened. It's possible George Perez was writing a different story and then he had an "a-ha" moment that most writers typically have when the story they're working on just falls together and clicks. It's just that his A-ha! moment and the story he came up with sucked. Or maybe this was the plan from the start. It sort of makes sense and kind of comes together in that way that nobody will understand until Superman explains every single detail of the story. I'll spend a brief paragraph on it and then we'll be done with this mess.

Superman attacked some terrorists with his heat ray. The Nanites made a Fire Person. Superman put out the apartment fire with his freezing breath. The Nanites made an Ice Person. Superman used his super hearing and super sight in the subway and the Nanites made something Superman couldn't hear or see. Even Superman points out how stupid that is. And then the Nanites decided Superman needed to be replaced as well. So that's probably why they thought Superman made them. Because they were created in his Super Powers' images. Or something. The Nanites could also read Superman's mind somehow.

Superman Issue #6 Rating: -2 Ranking. This whole story arc has been a confusing mess. There were times when I liked some of the things going on in the story but that was when I still thought the story was incomprehensible because it hadn't played out enough yet. But seeing as how it played out all the way to the end and then Superman had to do a recap so the reader could understand it, the story just plain sucked. Also, why did the Nanite Superman's heat vision hurt Supergirl so badly? Was it filled with Nanites trying to tear her apart? And why am I still asking questions?!