Guy Gardner's got some Liefeld back problems happening.
Oh no! I forgot this series crossed over with Suicide Squad! Stupid Past Me didn't prepare for this moment thirty years later by buying two copies of each issue so that I could have the complete story catalogued with each series! And no way is Present Me taking the time to dig through all of my comic book boxes to find Suicide Squad! So here I am, once again, reading only a portion of the story. Just like with Millennium. Just like with, um, whatever. I'm sure there were more. Crossovers were practically the only strategy comics had to sell more comics. The important thing to know is that I'm too lazy to worry about it. Hopefully I'll remember what happens in this issue when I finally do get around to re-reading Suicide Squad in 2034.
Kevin Maguire must have gone on vacation; it's obviously Keith Giffen at the helm on pencils this month.
Keith Giffen was probably the first comic book artist whose work I could identify way back when I first began reading comics for two reasons: it's quite distinctive and I read Ambush Bug repeatedly. His work is a great lesson in subjectivity because I fucking love it but I'd never argue with somebody who hated it. I mean, I probably would. But I'd hate myself later for having done it instead of passive aggressively suggesting they were an idiot. Giffen's work is the opposite of Liefeld's work which is a great lesson in objectivity. Because it's objectively terrible.
I don't see an editor's note telling me to read Suicide Squad first which means I should understand this issue (at least as far as I'm capable of understanding any issue of a comic book). But I'll be left with story blue balls afterward. Like will I ever find out who Mr. Tresser is and why he's locked in a gulag? Will I care?! Sometimes I wish I were one of those nerds who needs to remember every detail of every comic book they've ever read so that they can be the smartest guy in the nerd convention. That way I'd already know who "Nemesis" was and could impress all the imaginary ladies at that same nerd convention. Not that ladies don't go to nerd conventions these days! But you should remember that I'm old enough to remember nerd conventions where only the hardiest nerd women could get past the sweaty snorting gatekeepers of the hobby.
The Russians have let everybody in the international community know that they've captured Nemesis. Amanda Waller thinks it's to lure the rest of the Suicide Squad into a trap which makes it surprising when she doesn't want to send Captain Boomerang into that trap. Batman probably thinks the same thing, especially if Amanda Waller is correct since Batman thinks he's smarter than Amanda Waller. But if it's not a trap, Batman probably mentioned that too because after the mission, people don't remember what Batman said that was wrong. They only remember the correct things he said because he always says, at the end of the mission, "Remember all of those correct guesses and speculations I made?!" Plus he probably doses everybody with some kind of Bat Drug that makes them forget his mistakes. One thing Batman definitely thinks is that Nemesis is a good guy. Weird name for a good guy. Maybe I'll become a superhero named Antagonist Dreamcrusher.
I don't see an editor's note telling me to read Suicide Squad first which means I should understand this issue (at least as far as I'm capable of understanding any issue of a comic book). But I'll be left with story blue balls afterward. Like will I ever find out who Mr. Tresser is and why he's locked in a gulag? Will I care?! Sometimes I wish I were one of those nerds who needs to remember every detail of every comic book they've ever read so that they can be the smartest guy in the nerd convention. That way I'd already know who "Nemesis" was and could impress all the imaginary ladies at that same nerd convention. Not that ladies don't go to nerd conventions these days! But you should remember that I'm old enough to remember nerd conventions where only the hardiest nerd women could get past the sweaty snorting gatekeepers of the hobby.
The Russians have let everybody in the international community know that they've captured Nemesis. Amanda Waller thinks it's to lure the rest of the Suicide Squad into a trap which makes it surprising when she doesn't want to send Captain Boomerang into that trap. Batman probably thinks the same thing, especially if Amanda Waller is correct since Batman thinks he's smarter than Amanda Waller. But if it's not a trap, Batman probably mentioned that too because after the mission, people don't remember what Batman said that was wrong. They only remember the correct things he said because he always says, at the end of the mission, "Remember all of those correct guesses and speculations I made?!" Plus he probably doses everybody with some kind of Bat Drug that makes them forget his mistakes. One thing Batman definitely thinks is that Nemesis is a good guy. Weird name for a good guy. Maybe I'll become a superhero named Antagonist Dreamcrusher.
Rick Flag doesn't know how to use a telephone.
You can't fault Giffen for using the exact same image across four panels because usually he only works in three panel rows. He probably didn't know how to adjust.
Flag and Nightshade decide to ignore Amanda Waller's orders not to rescue Nemesis which is weird because the one thing Amanda Waller is known for is being super in control of everything. I guess that's only the case when everybody she's controlling is wearing exploding collars. Might be time to fit Flag with one. Batman, not needing Waller's or anybody else's permission to do something stupid that could cause an international incident, also decides to mount an operation to rescue Nemesis. He goes to Rocket Red for advice and when Rocket Red asks a few simple questions about Nemesis and why he was in Russia, Batman throws a tantrum and walks out. I'm starting to think, for the first time in nearly forty years, that maybe people who claim Batman is their favorite super hero are huge assholes.
That was hyperbole! I've actually thought that for a long, long time!
Flag quickly gets a team together without Amanda's permission. Although Amanda being whom Amanda is, this must mean she wants Flag to go on the mission but she wants to be able to deny personal responsibility when the Suicide Squad fucks everything up all over again.
Flag and Nightshade decide to ignore Amanda Waller's orders not to rescue Nemesis which is weird because the one thing Amanda Waller is known for is being super in control of everything. I guess that's only the case when everybody she's controlling is wearing exploding collars. Might be time to fit Flag with one. Batman, not needing Waller's or anybody else's permission to do something stupid that could cause an international incident, also decides to mount an operation to rescue Nemesis. He goes to Rocket Red for advice and when Rocket Red asks a few simple questions about Nemesis and why he was in Russia, Batman throws a tantrum and walks out. I'm starting to think, for the first time in nearly forty years, that maybe people who claim Batman is their favorite super hero are huge assholes.
That was hyperbole! I've actually thought that for a long, long time!
Flag quickly gets a team together without Amanda's permission. Although Amanda being whom Amanda is, this must mean she wants Flag to go on the mission but she wants to be able to deny personal responsibility when the Suicide Squad fucks everything up all over again.
This is my favorite member of the team: Nightshade's left butt cheek.
Aside from Nightshade's left butt cheek, Flag's Squad is comprised of Deadshot, Vixen, Captain Boomerang, Bronze Tiger, Lashina, Nightshade's right butt cheek, and some guy in yellow and blue that I don't recognize which means he's going to be the suicidee. Also Lashina might be going by a different name which I don't remember. We're not supposed to know she's Lashina yet. Shhhhh!
They arrive in Russia and somebody says, "Somebody wake Javelin up." So I guess that guy I didn't recognize who is almost certainly going to die is Javelin.
Amanda Waller gets wind of Flag's mission and suggests to Reagan that he send the Justice League after them. So Batman is going to get his way as well. Plus the fans will get another battle between Batman and Deadshot where Deadshot pulls all of his shots instead of killing the Batman because Deadshot wants Batman to beat him to death. It's a tale as old as time! Practically Shakespearian is what I'd suggest if I knew anything about Shakespeare and also if Shakespeare's writings were as old as time.
Batman tells the other members of the Justice League that they're invading Russia again. Pretty sure the Rocket Reds and Gorbachev are going to get a little tired of this bullshit.
They arrive in Russia and somebody says, "Somebody wake Javelin up." So I guess that guy I didn't recognize who is almost certainly going to die is Javelin.
Amanda Waller gets wind of Flag's mission and suggests to Reagan that he send the Justice League after them. So Batman is going to get his way as well. Plus the fans will get another battle between Batman and Deadshot where Deadshot pulls all of his shots instead of killing the Batman because Deadshot wants Batman to beat him to death. It's a tale as old as time! Practically Shakespearian is what I'd suggest if I knew anything about Shakespeare and also if Shakespeare's writings were as old as time.
Batman tells the other members of the Justice League that they're invading Russia again. Pretty sure the Rocket Reds and Gorbachev are going to get a little tired of this bullshit.
Oh, just read his mind and call him on his lying ass!
The worst person in the world is a billionaire saying, "Trust me." Don't fucking trust that asshole! Kick him in the dick and tell him he's out of control!
On the other hand, Reagan did authorize the mission. Reagan authorized a lot of shit that irritated the fuck out of Gorbachev but luckily Gorbachev was the only adult in the room. If it had been up to Reagan, he would have rolled the dice on a nuclear exchange.
On the other hand, Reagan did authorize the mission. Reagan authorized a lot of shit that irritated the fuck out of Gorbachev but luckily Gorbachev was the only adult in the room. If it had been up to Reagan, he would have rolled the dice on a nuclear exchange.
You fucking tell them, Oberon! Only sane person on the League.
Oh, apparently Reagan hadn't authorized the incursion into Russia when Batman had the idea to invade. Turns out Reagan calls to authorize the mission just before Oberon commits suicide by challenging Batman on his dumb idea, thus being the only time Reagan actually did anything worthwhile. And since this is a work of fiction, Reagan never actually did anything worthwhile.
You might have guessed that I don't like Reagan. People who lived through the 70s and 80s who somehow think the world didn't become a substantially worse place after Reagan took office are deluded motherfuckers who weren't paying attention. I was only a single digit kid in the 70s but I still noticed!
The team learns that a team of super-villains is attacking a Russian prison. I think Vixen and Bronze Tiger would be a bit miffed to be described as "super-villains." But then I guess if you lie with dogs, you wake up feeling satisfied from all the little puppy kisses.
You might have guessed that I don't like Reagan. People who lived through the 70s and 80s who somehow think the world didn't become a substantially worse place after Reagan took office are deluded motherfuckers who weren't paying attention. I was only a single digit kid in the 70s but I still noticed!
The team learns that a team of super-villains is attacking a Russian prison. I think Vixen and Bronze Tiger would be a bit miffed to be described as "super-villains." But then I guess if you lie with dogs, you wake up feeling satisfied from all the little puppy kisses.
How would that make this issue any different from the first twelve?! Aside from it being Batman manipulating the League instead of Maxwell Lord?
A battle between the Justice League and the Suicide Squad is old hat. That trick's been done before. So to juice up the drama, the Rocket Reds are sent to stop the Suicide Squad as well. And if they can't tell who is on which team, I suppose they'll beat up some Justice Leaguers as well. Plus Red Star catches wind of the battle so he's got to make an appearance. I think that's all the Russian super-heroes there are aside from that Pozhar Firestorm jerk. And he's more of a Super Frenemy.
In the prison, the Justice League discover that Nemesis has been beaten badly and Batman calls the Russians violent thug monkeys. But then Rocket Red is all, "Please. As if America would treat a Russian spy any better!" And Batman doesn't get to respond because Martian Manhunter finally takes off his Martian diaper and puts on his Martian command pants and tells Batman to shut the fuck up and follow orders. Batman whispers, "So shines a good deed in a weary world," relieved that somebody finally has taken the helm of leadership from him. Now maybe he can find the time to go mourn his parents by finding a quiet corner to sob into.
While the Justice League solve their leadership problems, the Suicide Squad casually saunters down the hallway and bumps into the League.
In the prison, the Justice League discover that Nemesis has been beaten badly and Batman calls the Russians violent thug monkeys. But then Rocket Red is all, "Please. As if America would treat a Russian spy any better!" And Batman doesn't get to respond because Martian Manhunter finally takes off his Martian diaper and puts on his Martian command pants and tells Batman to shut the fuck up and follow orders. Batman whispers, "So shines a good deed in a weary world," relieved that somebody finally has taken the helm of leadership from him. Now maybe he can find the time to go mourn his parents by finding a quiet corner to sob into.
While the Justice League solve their leadership problems, the Suicide Squad casually saunters down the hallway and bumps into the League.
Giffen stole this moment from that movie where Lou Costello backs into The Mummy and they turn around and are all, "Abbbbboooooooot!" and "Unnnnhhhhhh!", respectively.
Next: the big fight! But that's in Suicide Squad #10 so just put it out of your mind. My guess is the Justice League wins and Red Star murders Javelin.
Letters this month are from Lee Allred somewhere in Utah, Eric Fischler from Bethseda, Maryland, Bill Climer from La Rue, Ohio, Brian Saner Lamken from Penn Valley, Pennsylvania, Roy Hogan from Melrose, Massachusetts, and Malcolm Bourne from Cricklewood, London. Only one letter praises letterer Bob Lappan. So sad!
Justice League International #13 Rating: C+. This JLI/SS crossover was almost certainly spurred on by corporate looking at the numbers of each book and thinking, "Imagine if everybody reading JLI was also reading Suicide Squad!" and then trying to force everybody to do just that. Although I assume there was already a pretty high percentage of crossover of people reading both books. I just remembered I had the poster of the two covers of this crossover showing the entirety of both teams fighting. Where the hell did I get that?! I wonder if it was used as advertising at the local shop and I asked for it. I don't think it was sold or given away.
Letters this month are from Lee Allred somewhere in Utah, Eric Fischler from Bethseda, Maryland, Bill Climer from La Rue, Ohio, Brian Saner Lamken from Penn Valley, Pennsylvania, Roy Hogan from Melrose, Massachusetts, and Malcolm Bourne from Cricklewood, London. Only one letter praises letterer Bob Lappan. So sad!
Justice League International #13 Rating: C+. This JLI/SS crossover was almost certainly spurred on by corporate looking at the numbers of each book and thinking, "Imagine if everybody reading JLI was also reading Suicide Squad!" and then trying to force everybody to do just that. Although I assume there was already a pretty high percentage of crossover of people reading both books. I just remembered I had the poster of the two covers of this crossover showing the entirety of both teams fighting. Where the hell did I get that?! I wonder if it was used as advertising at the local shop and I asked for it. I don't think it was sold or given away.
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