Thursday, July 16, 2020

Cerebus #7 (1978)


Elrod's boots have toes.

This cover proves that with Issue #7, Cerebus had outgrown its "sword & sorcery parody" roots. I would now define it as "madcap sword & sorcery parody." Elrod deciding he needed a little guy in a bunny outfit after hanging out with Cerebus for a short afternoon only makes me love Elrod even more. This issue is also proof that Dave Sim didn't earn his "first man to write and draw 300 issues of a monthly comic book all by himself" award because he didn't do this cover; Frank Thorne did. I don't mind that Gerhard did all the backgrounds for most of the series because without Gerhard, the comic could have been the same just with crappy backgrounds. But Dave Sim not doing the cover art for an issue?! That seems, well, actually, it seems on par with Gerhard doing all the backgrounds. Never mind.

Elrod was last seen in Cerebus #4 which might make this the fastest return of any guest character in any comic book ever. I'm not a comic book historian but I'd stake my mother's life on that previous assumption. Hopefully the previous sentence will not start a rumor that my mother is a vampire which I don't think she actually is. I'm not a vampire historian so I wouldn't stake my mother's life on my mother being a vampire. That's a clever line, isn't it?

This month's "Note from the Publisher" (which I guess I've incorrectly been calling "A Note from the Publisher") has been renamed "A Brief Note." Unless this "Note from the Publisher" is named "A Brief Note." And it's always possible that it's just called "Brief Note" since I've made that error with the article previously. Getting to the bottom of what this column is called is more interesting than the content of the note which is why I'm done writing about it this month.

Dave Sim explains how this issue was the issue that freed him from writing a Barry Smith barbarian parody comic book as he began to take chances with the art and develop more of his own unique style. See? Just like I said about the madcap sword & sorcery designation earlier! He also points out that this is the second issue in seven issues that hints at aardvarks being important and Cerebus being some sort of Messianic figure. He wouldn't revisit that for some time because it wasn't important yet and also he probably didn't really know what to do with it. But it was a good idea because how can you not get a ton of great stories out of a character who is some kind of paradigm changing religious MacGuffin! Plus Elrod! Elrod was sure to make the readers laugh uproariously so that their parents would look over annoyed and ask, "What's so funny?" To which the comic book reader could respond, "Sheesh! Mind your own business! You wouldn't get it anyway!"


Is it more or less manly to admit that I would fuck Cerebus' horse?

Last issue, we learned that Cerebus gets super horny when he's had apricot brandy mixed with Rohypnol. We also learned that once he has sobered up, he forgets about the woman he thinks he loves but really only sort of likes the idea of her loving him. But he doesn't forget about the location of the treasure he learned about! You might be thinking, "That's because he learned about the treasure before E'lass slipped him the date rape drugs." But then I'd say haughtily and super condescendingly, "Yes, but he also learned more information from Jaka while totally stoned out of his mind which was essential to realizing just where the treasure was!" Then you'd secretly begin to hate me and start ignoring my texts and start the slow and silent process of breaking up with a friend.

What I was trying to express was that Cerebus is hunting for the Black Sun Temple's treasure! By the end of this issue, he maybe he'll be super rich but still totally alone.

I can't stop thinking about that horse.

I just remembered, upon the appearance of Elrod at the beginning of this comic book, that the guy in the bunny suit isn't with Elrod. At least, not at first. He's just some flim-flam man trying to become the next aardvark Messiah, I think. But that's okay because I'd use anything as an excuse to say that I love Elrod even more. I'm guessing a lot of Cerebus readers told Dave the same thing which is why Elrod is back so soon.


How have I been a fan of Cerebus for thirty years and never made a Black Sun cocktail?

Elrod has come to the Temple of the Black Dog's Hole Sun for all of the wrong reasons unless getting shitfaced is a right reason and then I stand corrected. I'm pretty sure I'm standing corrected right now. Cerebus doesn't really want him tagging along but he also doesn't want Elrod wandering around to be discovered by the priests which might put their security on high alert. So he drags Elrod into the temple with him to find the treasure.

Once inside, Elrod eventually wanders off to find some treasure of his own after Cerebus points out that a quiet living albino and a quiet dead albino are practically the same thing.


I'm sure all the riches are consolidated in the head priest's chambers for safe keeping.

Meanwhile some short priest named Mit is busy sewing a bunny suit. It looks just like Cerebus but is meant to represent one of the Black Sun's oldest and most revered nameless gods! Mit had studied all of the past prophecy and scripture of the Black Sun's theology so that he could represent himself as the coming Messiah and be worshiped as a god. So basically he's doing what Jesus did. Or Ardra! That's a Star Trek: The Next Generation reference which is better than making a reference to the comic book I wrote and drew in my late teens called Arrogance because nobody would get that reference. But, like Ardra and Jesus and Mit, I had a character who represented himself as the prophesied Messiah. Seriously though, who can trust a Messiah that was spoken about in prophecy?! Prophecy isn't a predictor of future events; it's a blueprint for some con man to come through town pretending to be a God and/or selling pool tables.

I should scan in my comic books some time! I think it went five issues (at, like, five pages per issue!) and the later issues are really inspired by Jaka's Story: lots of text next to one or two large static images per page.


Ha ha! He's an ablino so he's easily mistaken for a statue!

Realizing the guards are onto them, Elrod rushes off to find Cerebus and drag him away. But instead he finds Mit in his costume and hauls him off. Cerebus finds his treasure and realizes Elrod has wandered off which can only mean that everything is going to become chaos at any second.

Cerebus, Elrod, and Mit engage in a slapstick pursuit reminiscent of any old television program that would make you think of a slapstick pursuit. Maybe Scooby Doo or one of the Abbott and Costello movies. It eventually ends with everybody running for their lives and Cerebus discovering the pit of the Black Sun Temple's god. Spoiler: the god is a giant spider. That wasn't really a spoiler because this issue begins with this image:


The old comic standby of starting the story in the middle for one page and then preceding immediately to the beginning and telling the story linearly. I don't think Dave ever did this again because remember how this issue freed him from copying styles and tropes?!

Hey, remember that horse? Let's look at it some more. Oh yeah. Hey girl. I've got a carrot for you.

Cerebus is finally defeated by a combatant this issue. Sure, it's a giant spider whose web Cerebus fell into while also losing his sword. As a reader, I'll allow Cerebus to lose a fight when the conditions are stacked so high against him. The only reason Cerebus survives is because Cerebus has no soul which causes the sacrificial Black Sun ceremony to disintegrate into chaos. The spider, finding no nourishment in the sacrifice, falls deeper into the pit as the temple crumbles and explodes around Cerebus. He's flung far out into the desert, mostly unharmed from the violence. But his treasure and his sword are lost. I hope that sword wasn't important to his becoming the Messiah! I suppose it's okay because he still has his three medallion necklace!

With Mit's people and religion destroyed, he decides to become Elrod's sidekick for awhile. I don't remember if he ever turns up again; I'm guessing this was his only appearance.

In this month's Aardvark Comment, a writer grades the art of Cerebus as an "A" and the writing as an "A+" so I'm just using that as my rating. Why should I waste my time doing redundant work?!

At the end of the original issue, there was an ad for a hand-sewn Cerebus plush toy. That means that a non-zero number of Cerebus plush toys have been fucked in this reality.

Eddie Campbell wrote a one page comic for this issue called "Great Wasters from History Not Counting Dave Sim." This was about a guy named Jack Mytton who lived from 1796 to 1834. I could look up who he was but that would defeat the purpose of Eddie Campbell telling me who he was in Eddie's comic! If you're interested in learning about Mr. Mytton yourself, I highly recommend researching him. He was a rich drunkard who did a bunch of crazy shit and then eventually died in pauper's prison. He sounded like a fun guy to be the friend of a friend of!

Cerebus #7 Rating: A and A+, remember?!

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