Sunday, March 3, 2019

Dragon Magazine #179, Part Six: "The Voyage of the Princess Ark, Part 26"

The next article is part 26 of another work of fiction called "The Voyage of the Princess Ark" by Bruce A. Heard. It's written as entries in a diary and is purported to be a means for providing information "to expand D&D campaigns using the Gazetteer series" but I think it's really just a way for Bruce to tell the world about his nightly D&D campaigns. Each entry bored me more than every Dungeons and Dragons Tumblr written by a thirteen year old who believes she and her friends are just the funniest Goddamned people in the world. "So, like, we were on the Princess Ark and everybody was all pouty and bored. But then I was like, 'We should have a party!' It was hilarious! We wore gnome hats and had confetti poppers and I got too tipsy to find my way back to my cabin because I failed a Constitution check! I also failed a Charisma check so I didn't get fucked in the ass.'" Dammit! I was trying to show how boring those D&D Tumblrs are and now I want to go read some because they sound awesome.

It seems the main thrust of this article was to ask Dungeon Masters this question: "Have you ever thought of getting your players' characters drunk so you could force them to role-play hangovers?! It's super hilarious! Imagine all the Wisdom and Intelligence checks they'll have to make due to loud noises! *snort*"

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